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you're probably dating someone right now and you have no idea that you're just wasting your time 'cause you are going to be mine anyway,

I'm sorry.

but thank you, for not coming too soon, for giving me time to grow, to be better, to deserve you

don't get me wrong, love.
I'm dying to know you
I'm dying to tell you how my day went
I'm dying to tell you stories—I always have a story to tell, I hope you won't get tired of listening
I'm dying to hear your voice
I'm dying to feel your warmth
I'm dying to feel your love
I'm dying to feel

I am just not ready yet
I am broken, and I do not want you to fix me
I am lost, and I do not want you to find me
I want you to meet me halfway, love,
when everything falls back into place
.
Bare feet pound along the pavement
yet there is not feeling.
The connection with the tangible solid
has with it no true healing.

The detached mind floats up high
a million miles away.
Terra firma are just empty words,
stout rock becoming clay.

As retraction of the emotions sits
apart from what is real.
A no-man's land of security shrieks
'this is what I feel'.

Withdrawal has its positive notes,
protection from the pain.
Keeping close the hearts secret safe,
never to be killed again.

Autopilots most clever disguises hide
that which should be faced.
But burying reality in cold defiance
renders it all but erased.

© Pagan Paul (29/08/17)
.
Just how I'm feeling right now.
.
.
I see her beautiful shape
laying still and quiet in our bed,
sleeping form curled around the pillow
on which I left my scent.
But I am a self made Ghost
and I saw her cry all day.
I am a shadow and feel nothing
and I left her because I loved her.

So I died,
by my own hands,
maybe soon,
she will understand.

I never deserved her, she deserved more,
so I showed myself to the leaving door.
Inside the darkness had begun to call,
step over the edge and start to fall.

Bereft of life, she found my shell,
screamed at me from the depths of Hell.
Tears streamed in gushing torrent
expressing a grief I did not warrant.

So in the ether I pen this note,
words can no longer leave my throat.
I left my love to set her free,
I couldn't keep her bound to me.

And whilst she gazes at my picture on the shelf,
may the Universe bless her not to blame herself.


© Pagan Paul (18/08/17)
.
A Note From The Ghost of a Successful Suicide
.
Sat  on  a  bench  today.
Taking  in  the  suns  rays.
Surrounded  by  a  host
of  spring  flowers.
So  peaceful.
Hope  it's  here  to  stay.

Keith  Wilson.  Windermere.  UK.  2016.
Whistle sounds, alarm beeps
Battle drums, my heart beats
Rising sun, crowing ****
It is here, riddle me

Silent bath, floating thoughts
Towel dry, connected dots
Tucked in shirt, shiny shoes
One quick prayer, banished blues

Speeding cars, crowded trains
Changing lights, fast paced lanes
Blaring horns, jamming doors
Quiet rides, bone-face walks

Smell the air, raise your chin
**** in chair, eye on screen
A sip of coffee and you know you'll win
Welcome to Monday, you can get through
I found a bean in my room
Hope that means I'll be leaving soon
If I plant it in my carpet
And put an X to mark it

Maybe if I sow
Maybe it will grow
And have a great stock
And for a moment I'll just stand and gawk

Maybe it will grow into the sky
Past where the birds fly
Up past the clouds
Where humans are not allowed

Then like my old friend Jack
I'll pack me a sack
Then I'll start my climb
Up that big sturdy vine

At the top I wonder what I'll find
Will it be peace of mind
Will my giants all be slayed
Will I finally be unafraid

I want to be above the grind
And all of mankind
So I planted my bean and watered it well
You can see it's starting to grow and swell

The roots start to snake
Making my floor quake
But it didn't grow up, but sideways instead
I looked at it with dread

Even my daydreams
Are not as they seem
But nightmares ensues
My lovely dark muse
 Mar 2016 Daniela Marie
R M Shayr
Do something so strange that it spreads a message
To every awake soul out there in the world

With tranquility spread the seeds of that thought
It will become an example of fighting the worst

Change comes not with changing people
Walk out with a light and a vision to guide

Storms don't come with our permission we know
You can handle the destruction they bring, show the world

A message will be spread from one corner to the other
Every human can fight the trails and blizzards

So raise your eyes to the sky right now
And ask for strength and a heart of a friend

Make every one your own and take them along
You will move a mountain from it's place, you will be so strong

This is true, that is not, why spend time in arguments?
Truth is not a perception, take your will to find what's real with you

The whole point is this , this is the conclusion
Light increases by spreading it, stab darkness at it's heart and bring an end to confusion
 Mar 2016 Daniela Marie
Cody Haag
Broken humanity will often falter,
As it ponders which mold to fill in,
Ponders what it must alter,
Which path it must begin.

It is a trembling, cowering bird that hides
Within each of our hearts,
Somewhere in a dark corner it abides,
Made up of many broken parts.

We have the role of nursing the bird,
Bringing it back to its purest condition,
There is a fire that must be stirred,
A stunning, unbridled and pure rendition.
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