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Here's a special
Birthday wish
To a special girl
She was one of the first to
Like my poetry
But this is not
The reason I
Wish to honor her
In this way.

She's been thru some
Very hard times lately.
Those who know her
Know she's a sweetheart.
And they know what is
Happening in her life.

She's always encouraged me
And many other people.
Poets who are new to the site
Or unknown.

I'd like to dedicate
The following write to her!

**Unknown

I put my pen to paper
The ink flows from my heart
I write about my grief and pain
My life is torn apart

I put up my poetry
On a website yesterday
Hoping someone'd read it
I could only pray...

At first nobody read it
I was going to cry
Then I got a yellow lightning bolt
TGWLY!

She greeted me and thanked me
For sharing my words
I really felt for the first time
That they were truely heard

I just want to thank her
For taking precious time
And playing a very crucial role

The life she saved was *MINE.
Please help Melz (TGWLY) if you can...

www.gofundme.com/r5wnpsd5
Broke the seal, came to kneel
Carry me through everything you feel
Shallow water, sunken sea
Broken fists and ****** knees
Safe and sound, keep holding me while I drown
I reflect the needles, fistful of pens, take me back to the only place I understand
The safety was never on, the gun has always been loaded and the blood looks like velvet while it runs down the staircase
This is desperation and demise with a smiling face
Playing with God,
Talking him up,
I heard you invited him over for dinner
and asked him to ****
I heard he denied you, told you that you weren't good enough,
you swallowed your pride and then you called me up.
I sunk into the staircase, bled into the floorboards, colored the walls with my shadows, the basement ceilings drippings spelled out stupid *****.
Cut off your ears to spite your mom, cut out your tongue because you know you're ******* ****.
**** all of your enemies, it's only suicide, remember how it costs nothing to lie and everything to die.
Thoughts in the fade, skies swallowed in grey, it never rains and around here we don't believe in pain.
Vibrate this name with your vocal chords and no tongue, beg God to take you back when I'm done.
The truth is bleeding out of my pores
And yet the feelings are all bottled up inside
I fall out of my skin, disappearing out the back door
Losing my mind, struggling to find the best place to hide
Running laps around the sounds of my own screams
Trying to decide which dreams I should or should not believe
Thinking that my life is no more than it seems
And these struggles I have are sent by the devil to deceive
It works; the lies, the hate, the pain that I'm put through
It makes me break down and I get scared of the truth
But the suicidal thoughts in my mind all lead back to you
And the tears that stream down my cheeks burn like a fire
That's bigger than all the flames of rage from my youth
It hurts; it builds in my soul before it pours out my eyes
Becoming rivers that flood my life with disguises and lies
I don't know how to make it all fade away, to disappear
Because it's more than I can handle and I hate to admit it
But it fuels my spirit and awakens all my childhood fears
Chilling me to my core, causing me to give up, simply quit
How do I do that? How do I commit myself to suicide?
Is that what I really want? Is that truly what I need?
Do I believe that my life is only my choice to decide?
And if I hide in the corners of my mind, will I still bleed?
These are the things I ask myself every morning when I wake up
As I stare at all the sugar settled at the bottom of my coffee cup
Then the caffeine hits me and I finally start to think clearly
What was I thinking? There is no way in hell I'll ever give up
Meant to be a slam/spoken word poem.
www.gofundme.com/r5wnpsd5
^This just explains more plainly what I'm going through.
Copy and paste to read it if you can, thank you.
All i can and all i will be
A waste in time
No beauty in the eyes that I see.
Never good enough
Wasted time just to find my life key.
Things are hard and things get rough
A Waste in time to me.
And I've had enough, Don't you see?
I want to quit but I've given up.
Giving up on life,
My Waste in time.
My waste in time can't you see
That life has given up on me?
Thoughts will knock on the walls of my skull
in my mind divine, twisted, and dull.
They would tell me that I'm nothing, over and above that I'm useless is what it would call.
I would try to feel tall
but they would knock me down to make me feel so small.
I'd have had enough and began to fall, to were i felt
I didn't need a life at all.
The weight of these words
rolling around in my head
are breaking my neck
one thought at a time.
(Heart beats)

What does it all mean actually? Love.
The thing that we all chase, feel, abuse, anticipate and yearn for.
No money can buy its power. No fortune teller can predict when it may happen. We seem to be in denial about it. Some of us have it and forget about it, like an old pair of shoes that we were once excited about but now just look at as something that once gave us this amazing feeling...only to fade and be thrown away. Why do we just forget and throw it away? Why does that excitement fade? Where does it go? Is it instilled in us as people to naturally get rid of what once made us feel good? Maybe it's the distraction of others? or the tarnish over time?
I have no idea. I try not to ask. I've been fooled by my heart so many times that I have no idea what my mind even thinks when encountered by the fury of love, the captive eye of its emotions. "We were young" "No good thing last forever" "I don't know what happened?" The excuses. They never match up like the wrong pieces we try to force into the puzzle. Why do we try to make it fit? Why is love so complicated? And why is it so abused? "I love you"... "do you?" We say in our head...self consciously...because trust is an issue. But we instead say "I love you, too" to help break our fall. Falling helplessly hoping to grab something to stop us from breaking, shattering like a piece of glass and love was the hand that couldn't handle us...so they let it go to break. "I'm sorry"...are you? Because you once said "I love you" are you just saying things to help yourself of your dazed condition? Are you just a malicious heart seeker? Do you still "love" me? Or was this all a dream? That's what love is right? A dream... A moment, a thought, a figment of ones imagination, sleeping for hope, only to wake up and realize it was never real. I pray the idea of love changes like all does over time. I hope it becomes more of an art form and not a skill. There is a difference. The art form is created off a skill but the art form isn't something you practice...it's something you internally create and lasts a lifetime. Others see the art form and get inspired to want, do the same...or so we hope.
Love isn't extinct...it's not fading...it's not to be forgotten. It's just stopped being created. It's not being treated right...it's being abused and forced to do what it wasn't placed here to. So I ask again. "What does love mean?" "Why is it still being abused?" Will its art form be remembered...if it dies?

What is love...
(Beeps start to slow down)
why'd you take it from me...
(Beeps slow down)
What is...
(Flatlined)
*What
          Is
               Love?
This isn't a poem. It's a writing. I'm expressing my ideas of love. What's yours?
 May 2015 dancingintherain
Renee
sometimes
I think I'm doing better
sometimes
you leave my mind
sometimes
i think I shouldn't be around
sometimes
I go through old messages
sometimes
I miss you
sometimes
I sleep too much
sometimes
I dream too big
sometimes
I see why people leave
sometimes
I wish people didn't love me
and other times I don't think they do
but always will I wonder
why I'm here
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