sometimes you just have to take off in the night
move quickly with aggression

You have to open your mouth
gasp for air like it's your last breath

Driven by ****** frustration
intent on mind ******* you

I swear I could be better*
the car sways through the hills
I feel your pants press against mine
just a piece of fabric separating
your skin from mine

my palms are sweaty
my heart stuck in my chest
my mind racing to bed sheets & sweat
the secret we could have
oh, the mess we could make*

you walk away and don't say a word
our silence sexier than the anticipation

My psychiatrist sees me as a welcome change
like meeting an old friend
He leans back in his chair with that goofy smile
and asks me questions while he stares
at my pretty face

the child is still born
pink skies melt in the background
time for work again

I'm trying to make money by selling my soul on the side of the road
unfortunately it isn't worth much
so I'm not selling

words like hard punches
so painful she doesn't cry
Corn flakes for breakfast

My depression hangs heavy in the air
black curtains on the windows
dim light casting shadows on the walls
I yearn to stay away
but I'm held captive in the couch's cushions
eyes planted on the TV screen
drooping because they're too heavy to keep open

my depression's thick and heavy
cold & wet
I run towards mountains
the cold air slapping my cheeks
& freezing my lungs
their white tops gleaming in the distance
-catch me if you can-

I want the years back
they took when I was young
make them disappear
walk away from those sociopath lovers

I stop running
there's a part in the trees
stare up & I'm blinded
-Seattle's always sunny-

I write my name in the tree's skin
& it suddenly doesn't look right
you write yours next to it
draw a heart around them
I smile at you & shake my head yes
pout my lips & say "no"

my eyes open
it's all gone
it's still today & I'm naked in your bed
**-better than any drug-

I searched for
girls that like girls
within 50 miles of me
have dogs
under 5'2"
not white
and there you were
a big fluffy white dog in your arms
I met you in a sushi bar
I talked and talked
while you smiled

you always smelled like home
something I had searched for my entire life
someone to laugh with until we'd cry
to say I love you
every time we get off the phone
to kiss and snuggle in the morning
to watch survivor marathons with

you appeared unexpectedly
big eyes like a puppy
brown hands on white skin
how could there ever have been a more perfect love

I stand at the kitchen sink
pull the tiny glass from the cupboard
and make sure no one is looking

I keep my ears alert for footsteps approaching
take the bottle down from behind the coffee cups
pour it quickly
drink it fast with eyes closed

I feel the burn run throughout my throat and chest
clean the glass
put it away

I sit back down
eyes heavy now
brain mushy

Do it again in an hour

I've found a place you can't touch
a place where you're hidden,
tucked away
You're not even up yet
so you barely even exist
I'm blowing smoke out my driver's side window
the extravagant houses flying past
their enormous trees and driveways
glowing in the sun's rays
No one is on the street
not even the BMWs and Mercedes
just me
with my music blasting
and the gardners

Breaking up is harder than it seems
pictures on the mantel
dusty images of memories

Her face pressed against the bed sheets
eyes enamored by the tiny lights that stream through the blackout curtains
her stomach in knots
mind imagining what is to be:
loneliness
the quiet streets she'll now watch at sunset
going to bed alone

and yet there is no choice
*"I have to leave"