Maybe it's been written
somewhere in the constitution
     of the waning moon

                                         ― When somebody loves you,
                                               you can never be lonely ―

But, appearances
  to the contrary,
the moon is sometimes blue;

counting stars alone
in a sky full of stars
is just about as lonely
as 'once in a blue moon'
                              can be ―

Like when the night is yours alone
                  or feeling alone
               in a crowded room

hearing Hank Williams moan within your silence
       "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry"

                                         ― When it's hard to say
                                               you love someone,..
                                               but it's harder to say
                                               when you don't ―

                • • •

A coyote's pleading howl
breaks the silent twilight engulfing trance
cast by the dappled moonlight;
like there's some kind of lonely madness
    swallowing him whole,..

                     as
    these two hollow eyes
                 gaze out through
                                     the chilly,
                                            sobering
                                                 refreshed
                                                   Autumn air
                                                             ­    spilling
                                                                ­  in through
                                                            the open window,

                                                        ­           counting stars ― alone
                                                           ­             in a sky full of stars

                                                       ­             the crackle of the fireplace
                                                       ­            echoes, startling the silence
                                                         ­                of a feigned warmth
                                                                ­          from the other side
                                                                ­ of an otherwise hollow room

and i feel frayed as a hole in an empty pocket with nothing left to lose

the impending dark winter nights are lonesome
            and  linger longer than before ...
  
seeing the empty space beside me
   I remember how it really really aches to just be ...

                                                            *­lonesome as a blue moon ― *

✩                   ✩                        ✩                                       ­ 
                ✩                   ✩                    ✩                           
✩          ­                                                      ✩
         ­                                                                 ­                                 ☽

moonless ― rivers ... 2017

My feelings and thoughts are running in constant loop
They're mixed up and messy like alphabet soup
and the noodles don't clearly spell out L-I-K-E

Just when I think my head's sorted out and right
The word "love" tries to invade in another bite
Ughh! What the hell is up with me?!


Here's a bit of food for thought:
Do I like you or do I not?
I want others to know you're romantically "mine"
but the problem is I'm not romance inclined..



See, things get confusing when platonic and romantic mash
So, irritated, I throw my bowl in the trash

Did you just say i love you
or it's in my head?
Haha, why would you say it
cause you think  I am ugly, I am bad
and I dont listen to your mother
cause I am too busy with my own self and it makes her mad
Did you just touch me
or it's in my head?
Haha, why would you love me
cause you always come near to hit me even in bed,
your hands always touch my face to slap, you want me dead.
Your hands were hard and they never stopped no matter how many tears I shed,
sometimes my healed scars fills me with dread.
Did you just say you miss me
or it's in my head?
Haha, why would you miss me
when I was never part of your life,
I am just a story unread.
Did you just say don't leave
or it's in my head?
Sigh, why would you say that
when I know your cell phone is more dear to you than me and I remember every word that you said.
It's like I am under your debt
now I am slowly coming out of red.

I searched for God among the Christians and on the Cross and therein I found Him not.

I went into the ancient temples of idolatry; no trace of Him was there.

I entered the mountain cave of Hira and then went as far as Qandhar but God I found not.

With set purpose I fared to the summit of Mount Caucasus and found there only 'anqa's habitation.

Then I directed my search to the Kaaba, the resort of old and young; God was not there even.

Turning to philosophy I inquired about him from ibn Sina but found Him not within his range.

I fared then to the scene of the Prophet's experience of a great divine manifestation only a "two bow-lengths' distance from him" but God was not there even in that exalted court.

Finally, I looked into my own heart and there I saw Him; He was nowhere else.
But
In my heart .

Writer :

Jalaludin rumi

Dear RL,
I regret to inform you
that I have moved on.
I have found others,
that will respect me
more than you ever will.
You won’t like me
if I tell you the truth.
It’s not me,
it’s definitely you.

Dear MH,
When I moved,
why didn’t you keep in touch?
Was I even your friend,
or just your puppet?
So bossy and controlling,
what did I ever do?
It’s not me,
it’s definitely you.

Dear CG,
Why?
Why did you only ever
start drama?
Trying to turn me
against my friends.
Have me for yourself.
Selfish.
You stuck to me like glue.
It’s not me,
it’s definitely you.

Dear RS,
All you ever wanted
was for us to be friends.
I cut you out of my life,
and I’m trying to bring you back in,
but I keep on making stupid mistakes.
I’m sorry, for everything,
and I think you would agree,
it’s not you,
it’s definitely me.

I found you again today.
In a box
I almost threw you away,
you know?

Buried in a bunch.
A mess of high school calculus
And little lost ideas.

Purple words,
Dead words. Love words now withered, Like bandages about a corpse.

You can't heal the dead ya know.

I guess even the richest king
Must end up in a tomb.
Mouth agape in frozen complaint.
Covered sadly, with golden futility.
By those who knew him so little.


But, it spoke as it always did
Simply and impossible to ignore.
Like sand in the eyes.
Like your eyes.

Reminding me of old foot prints.

Reminding me of me
When love was so singular,
Easy and yet.....

It oiled my rusty smile
Enough
To kiss you good bye

Again.