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What the **** is going on
why am I still here and
not moving along?

just supposing that every song
has its own tune
just supposing that I am the words
but not the song
supposing the tune is wrong.

Definitely time for me
to cut loose from this
and set myself free.

Depressingly Tuesday
and Tuesday depresses me

It used to be
that every day
was a wake up call
a shout to say
hip hip hurray
but now
and there's always the but now
I really don't know how
I stayed here so long
time
to move
I'm moving on.

Fed up before breakfast?
there's a name for it

fed up of being treated
like **** on their shoes
fed up of being used

what the **** is going on?

You know what?
**** the lot of them

I haven't lasted this long
to still be wondering about
the words and the song
moving on.
 Jan 2016
Ito
When I am frail and weak,
will you still care for me as you speak?
I doubt it!
My sisters took a hit!
Everyone tries to believe in true love.

When I'm insane and wreckless,
I hope you can guess...
you won't know what I mean,
it's in that one gene.
Trapped into existence because of genetics.

I hate you but I feel so much passion,
I wish your love was a ration,
you give out way too much sometimes,
it makes me guilty of many crimes.
Will you care for this fail and weak soul?
This is no disease, it's just "love".  It's the agony that one feels in their existence when another is not there.
 Oct 2015
Poetic T
Could he have envisioned that this
Would have ended this way, moments
Were dwindling to one last breath.

"Why are you doing this?

All was silent, they just watched in anticipation
As into air he stood, silently swinging , no words
Were spoken they just looked at each other.

"Help me, please,

A faint voice echoed in the trees, not yet dead
But slowly as if not tortured enough, now time
Was slowly killing him, hanging by a thread.
Weeks pasted and where his breath expelled,
Stillness graced his essence, decaying pieces fell.
Blighting life, puffing mushrooms spawned.

When all that was him decayed and that final
Thread broke, cascading did he fall and released
Upon the air, spores fell like pungent snow.
In twigged solitude a bird ingested that which
Bathed the expanse. Eyes were blue adjacent to
Feathers charcoal and then it sang a song.

Inside voices corroded and it was of two echoes,
It glided upon heavens wishes, landing on the
Ledge of one who watched his step into oblivion.
Knocking three times on the window, attention
Was grasped and he headed to see this curiosity
That sat unsettling glare piecing towards himself.

"Hello there black bird,
"Do you wish me Ill will perched upon here,

Tapping on the window sill, feathers fell with
Each impact on pealed paint. His eyes squinted in
Thought, that's Morse code you are knocking.
He threw open draws, its contents scattered in
Haste, an old envelope and pencil were his scribe.
"Ok little fella lets see what you want??

.-.R .E ...-V .E -.N --.G .E
.-.R .E ...-V .E -.N --.G .E
.-.R .E ...-V .E -.N --.G .E

And then the bird was vacant of life, its feathers
Like tar laced the window keeping it ajar.
"What the hell..,
Confusion spread on his face, and with that this
Bird, expelled on ripped flesh. Spores that soaked
Essence upon the unsuspecting surrounding.
Inhaled, choking as consumed from within.

"Knock, Knock, Knock,

I know your still in their, I'll let you see what
Greets those who stood on earth while I walked
On airless steps. Inside was a voice, pleading for
Freedom unsure of what was done. A noose was
Shown through eyes both seen. In that moment
A silent scream, and he smiled in glee, seeing within.

Breath was musky as growing inwards flesh was
Seeded and soon expelled would his soul again be.
Memories seen, thoughts listened upon to know
Where the next would be. A pick up truck was in the
Drive, red white and blue? he spoke to himself.
"Could you be anymore redneck,
Beer cans washed on the drive way, he shook his head.

I saw inwards but no reason for my moment, as not
Worth a thought to recollect. I remembered it all
The consequence of life still gnawing at the rope.
I recalled  the infinite time of my own death.
Not released feeling the essence of ones self decay,
My substance raging on soiled earth below.

Streets past and the house was stared upon, to
Knock the door, to see the others surprise on
My words spoken, I glanced him just returning
Home, paper bags of whatever. No importance,
I undid his seatbelt and upon the curb I lifted I
Heard his screams as through the mass we flew.

He greeted the windshield, majestic exit though
Shards, quiet not a sound. Where blood has seeped
So did the bloom of my gift, spores welcomed his
traumatized vision of a friends torn flesh. I saw not
Through closed eyes, but once again I was taken inside.

Words were spoken I recall, as he still held tight the
Noose I had put around his throat, now stained in the
Blood of two not only one.

"No, No, what have you done,
"It wasn't me it was theeeee...,

I cut him off their lies I saw from the inside, I was just
A pawn. a random moment of... memories entered as
If I was their  before it had begun.

"Come on you only life once?

"Are you serious what if were caught,

"If we bring anyone here who knows of this spot?
"Its a twenty minute walk, come on she said she'd help,

"She, I remembered now their were three. I was
In the bar, she brought me a drink or handed me a bottle?
Rage flared as I smashed his hand against brick wall.
How did I not see, that it was opened before, I was
A play thing which she took to them and my death.

I heard a voice in the back, his hand was broken, I
Let him taste the pain over and over again. I opened
To find her, a bullet wound to her leg? I paused his
Thoughts rewound this moment, and played it out,
She was going to **** me, him she'd had enough.

I spoke in his voice words grainy as spores bled
From his thoughts,

"Why did we **** him was it worth it?

"I was blinded by love,
"I thought you would love me more,

"You killed me out of love, he didn't die you know,

"What, what do you mean?

"We walked off, but he was breathing life till death,
"I wasted away, and we still breathed,

I recalled the moment I came to being not sight, not
Words just anger, then I was upon air I thought I was
On the voyage to a better place instead I find myself here.
Where did he drop it, I search under rubble and find it.
She crawling, screaming her life ending moments away.

I walk behind, straighten my sight and see one shell,
One decision her or him, I walk into the kitchen,
Scattering objects in frantic moments and their it is drain
cleaner, I open the fridge and drink the first few gulps.
It fizzes on contact, I swill it in with a cocktail stick and wait.

Its barely been a minute and I see her exiting the room,
In a calm voice I apologise and offer her the beverage,
To calm your nerves, to sullen the pain. I wait eagerly
For her to swallow it will only take one but she resists.
I take it from her smashing it on closed teeth. Drink your
Fill, as you poisoned me I complement upon you.

Confusion filled a scared face I felt remorse, pity, but
Then it faded as I recalled my fate, blood gurgled, as
She was eaten away. a single word, her last
"Sorry,
But words mean little to one who used them, as before
I gave her my answer, silence. What was I to do, he
Was left, standing more or less. he screamed silence.

You, them took it all away shouting at him self in the
Mirror, I could see the fear etched in his features.
You killed me for nothing but boredom as if I were
Hunted for the ****. Well you know what they do
With injured animals don't you??

"Please don't **** me,

his voice grainy as it was with fear spoke out.

"I'll hand myself in show them where your remains are,

"I'm here,
"I will never let you know peace,

He went to talk again but I lodged it in, gagging as I
Pushed it further in, know how it is to die slowly.
As I pulled it out, on his throat I released my pain
And he felt what little time there was to hold on by
A thread. Breath drowned slowly in blood, his head
Tilted sideways his reflection gazed as lights went out.

I was expelled at that moment, unseeing, feeling nothing
But relief, as I was blown to the wind and into oblivion
I swept but I did not go alone. I am released of my burdens.

A bird land on a window sill, scratching words into painted
Wood, knocking gently on the window. A woman opens
It cautiously hold onto a little one, only to be greeted by
a small bird.

"Hello their little one,

The child smiles and the bird chirps a tune, a smile
Spreads on her face "I recognize that,  as the bird
Taps down scratching the last word

I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE

A tear rolls down her cheek, as the little bird
Flutters away the child speaks his first word

*Dada Dada,
 Oct 2015
Poetic T
I am trapped in the wreckage of my life,
Mangled thoughts ensnare me,
I haemorrhage in depression.

I drove through life not caring of the turns,
But when one is not observant,
Losing focus was always going to happen.

I was entangled in the ruins of what had become
Crippled in reflection of what was,
I was the catalyst of what I had become.
 May 2015
Helen
She speaks in whispers
nobody knows why
but she lies

She thinks in actions
others don't understand
but she can

Captured demons bleed
minus their razored wings
but she sings

There she lies, battered
cracked and broken
No. Words. Spoken

Her demons stand sentinel
over her ****** sacrifice
but
      she
            holds


**the knife
 May 2015
Poetic T
prisoner of thought
captured never ending pain
consciousness is caged
Some thoughts we wish weren't trapped within and could be erased
 May 2015
Sia Jane
I missed you before you even left.
     “One day she will leave,” echoes
tirelessly throughout
      a hallway once adorned with love.
  I was too blinded those days,
even now in all truth
my own cigarette smoke covered
   the betrayal in your eyes
each time you told me,
                “I am truly, madly deeply,
                      in love with you.”
Smoke rings filled the room,
and in the haze
  of mist,
a Judas kiss.    

© Sia Jane
Written up as typed on my wonderful typewriter, Mr Darcy <3
Knowledge
is a term for trivia; information.

Humourless. Dark.
Static. Solid. Literal.
Earth.


Wisdom,* then,
is a sort-of *Martial Art of applied Trivia.


Humourous. Light.
Dynamic. Fluid. Symbolic.
Water.


Almost as if Yin and Yang!
-
Y'know, I gotta say: these patterns-
they're rather strangely.. *familiar..*
..are they not?

-
#suffermyhashtags
 Mar 2015
The Anonymous Joker
Let me finish what I meant to say before

I'm sorry
For being so damaged
Wanting my death to happen to you

(because I am not the one
who'll be left to pick up the pieces
and it is you
who will need to cope
)

I am sorry
That I am so so damaged and
broken beyond repair
That I sit and
Rip my skin into bits
So that I can feel
The burning under my skin

I haven't been hugged like that in ages
And I hope you don't know what happened to my shoulders

This is not just a phase

I am so sorry
That this is not a simple phase


I am sorry
That you got someone like me
Who thinks the way I do
And acts the way I do
Especially with myself


I am sorry
You didn't get someone more normal
Who can pretend they're alright
Convince themselves every night
And don't believe that there's
Something much better out there
That the universe is much crazier
And madder than can be believed







.
I am sorry
You didn't get what you expect

I am so sorry
I told you the things I did

I am so so sorry
I exist
 Mar 2015
Ito
Tears created trenches on my face,
left with no breathing space.
Both blinded and asphyxiated,
every day I was reminded and humiliated.
And yet...
thoughts flew past me like bullets in a war zone.

The mirror shows no reflections,
could this be rejection of my imperfections?
Overused, bruised and abused emotions,
I allowed joy to be replaced by angst somehow.
The seeds of catharsis I sowed sprouted now!

The darkness retreats even if only momentarily,
in control of my thoughts temporarily.
The doubts and lies turn to certainty and truth.
Is this what it feels like to be awake?
Demons never rest but today they sleep.
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