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 Oct 2014
netanya janel
you know, it's weird sometimes
to think of ourselves
as all separate but always as one.

we're made up of the same stuff,
the same gunk inside our lungs,
but each story remains truer to self.

i guess, i like to pretend
that i never grew up,
never relied on coffee to get out of bed.

because it's hard to see yourself dying,
from the outside, when you're trying
so hard just to lift yourself up.

but we're all a little down,
a little bruised, a little broken.
we're made up of the same **** stuff.

so as a reminder to myself and anyone else:
find people who make you smile,
make your days worth the while,
and you'll never feel unhappy again.
 Oct 2014
Aeya Jean Johnson
When...
The door closes,
Alone in the dark,
Lost for words,
Without a hope.
I wait for the reassurance
I am worth more than a text.

When...
Dripping down,
Water comes too fast,
Streaming from my eyes.
I am too vulnerable.

Is it sadness
                        When I feel
                                                Nothing at all?
Entre Nous: 'between ourselves'.
 Sep 2014
Aeya Jean Johnson
If you are the       W
                                             I
                                                      N
    ­                                                            D,

­                          Am I a
                                                                ­         Rose
             Or the
                               Dust
                                                          ­                               You kicked up
                                                              ­  As you passed by?
Pseudodox: False (doctrine or opinion).
 Sep 2014
Aeya Jean Johnson
The                         a       i              r              .                     .                           .


                             CHOKING

Sticking
                                     To my lungs like

                          chewed gum                 .                   .                 .

     How do people live like this?
                                                  D R O  W  N   I    N     G

    Without a word to speak.               .              .

It's getting worse      .                .               .

                                        I'M OUT OF CONTROL.

GET A GRIP!
                               Get A Grip!
                                                     get a grip .             .                      .

Strained    .                   .                     .
                  Giving
                                  up  ­      .               .                   .

                                                         *gone            .                  .                    .
Tachypnea: Abnormally rapid breathing.
 Sep 2014
Aeya Jean Johnson
Everyone changes--
Not me.
I may be a dreamer,
Stuck in the middle (what I think is the best part)
But I will make it through.
I see the suffering,
Questing to destroy the problem,
But I destroy a lot more than that...
Hope hanging in the balance
While I shut the world from me--
My passions take me past
The breaking point.
I am made of broken pieces.
The friends...
It takes too long to know my reality--
While you see me,
My secrets: locked... Away from prying eyes.
My free spirit chained by a fear,
How could anyone understand?
I don't even...

Greatest fear: Judgement.
Enigmatic: difficult to interpret or understand.
 Aug 2014
Aeya Jean Johnson
I am the one they call beautiful,
Glittering in shimmery gold,
But listen to my heart break
As I let myself unfold.
I let the tears cascade
As I left my walled protection,
No where left to run from you,
Yet still unclear where I should go.
I am in a maze
Where the only obstacle is you,
Running around in endless circles,
With nothing left to do.
My head is pounding
As from a dreamless night
I wake again exhausted.
I can't bring myself to look at the phone
For fear of pain or pleasure--
Yet I do it anyway.
I dare not speak your name--
The reminder for broken friendship.

If only...

*But I am too vulnerable to dream.
Inanition: emptiness; starvation; exhaustion.
 Aug 2014
Aeya Jean Johnson
I need someone
I wouldn't be afraid to call at
Four A.M.
Because I couldn't sleep.

He would sing me to sleep,
And cherish the moment
That I cared enough to call.

Midnight comes again
And I blink away the tears
Too exhausted
To chance my needed conversation with you.
Solus: alone.
 Aug 2014
Aeya Jean Johnson
His eyes were the black pools of a shadowed night
Drinking in all the light.
His eyes were metallic--
Silver,
Yet thicker than steel,
So that he could no longer feel.
The lies they told,
Heartache was caused
His eyes hid the pain--
To my pain were they blind--
But it was too late when he saw.

How to save a life?

                          Eyes.
Ögon: Swedish for "eyes"
 Aug 2014
Aeya Jean Johnson
Dive into the deep unknown
Blue
Of the darkening night sky.
I will be frigid in the emptiness
Floating alone,
No one left to hang on to.

I am the one they call beautiful,
Left in the glittering dust.
I wish I was still flying,
A bolide in the black.
I would be an angel.

Dreaming of the invisible,
Sightless,
Soundless,
Vivid images pouring from my heart.
I am too weak to handle,
But meek enough to learn.

I was once flying,
Now my heart is in the starry night.
Genethliac: pertaining to position of star at birth.
 Aug 2014
Aeya Jean Johnson
It's getting bad again.

Sing to me
The lost lullaby
Of forgotten dreams--

Maybe I can sleep this night away.

I was left alone in the
Quiet darkness.
Rather than peace,
I could have screamed and cried.
My feelings are too strong.


*At least I can feel.
Malaise: uneasiness; indefinable feeling of illness or discomfort.
 Aug 2014
Brie Sarita
I don't sleep.

I pace.
I ponder.
I plan.
I plot.
I worry.
I wonder.
I wax.
I wane.
I relive.
I rethink.
I rehash.
I regret.
I contemplate.
I evaluate.
I deliberate.
I ruminate.
I analyze.
I strategise.
I dramatize.
I fantasize.
I brood.
I delude.
I stress.
I obsess.
I oppress.
I'm a mess..

& I don't sleep.
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