If i could, i would,
Disassemble your malfunctioning thought processes
And rewire them back together again,
With a spanner, in the manner,
That meant you were not
Classed as insane.
I'd unfold and rearrange,
The chemical imbalances
Within your brain
So that the years of disdain,
And self blame,
Where a thing of the past,
I'd put you back together,
In a way, that showed you,
You were meant to last.

It seems mom texts more than she looks me in the eyes
It seems my brother watches videos more often than he watches me strive to be a good example for him
It seems my dad is too focused to point out the mistakes in my papers than to actually see any type of meaning behind them
And none of them know how many poems I've written
No one knows just how many tears have been dropped on every handwritten page of words that I hope one day might actually make a positive influence in the world
No one knows how much I want these poems, these lines, and these words to actually connect with someone
Anyone
So I guess I'll just keep writing
I'll keep searching for the link between our eyes
I'll keep trying to be the influence he needs
I'll keep writing meaningful papers until they click with the unreached part of his mind
I'll keep writing
I'll keep living every moment
Writing every thought I think good enough for someone to see
I'll keep going because I can't stop even if I wanted to

Thank You, Lord for family,
Friends and neighbors near and far.
Please bless them, Lord, and keep them safe,
No matter where they are.

Thank You, Lord, for every day
That we can breathe, and smile.
Help us to live each moment;
To make each hour and day worthwhile.

Help us maintain our modesty
Should we be wont to boast.
Help us share the gift of laughter,
With those who need it most.

Give us knowledge, strength and courage
To choose the right from wrong.
And help us use our voices
To sing Your praises loud and long.

Last, bless our tiny neighborhood,
And help us understand,
That we, are all Your children,
Held in Your protective hands.
Amen
Phil Lindsey 12/25/2015

I wiped away every memory you left me with,
as I printed the messages like you wrote me letters,
sealed them in in envelopes,
but boxes marked incinerate,

I waded through knee deep snow,
carrying a box full of memories while wearing some I couldn't let go,
I removed your sweater off my back and created a fire from the tear stained sleeves,
I burned the rest with the box, and cried over the memories that couldn't go away,

I lay down into the snow, holding onto your memories that went too deep,
crying because I can't remember some of the things you did with my body,
crying because I honestly wouldn't wanna know.
like as if  crying would honestly allow me to let go,

you used to tell me things like how I didn't have to worry about my makeup,
or how I didn't have to worry about everyone,
and how you told me you loved me despite my flaws,
like the ones covered over my whole body,

and yet you tricked me,
so I'd let you in,
I was weak and you hurt me,
you don't deserve me,

but who would deserve me,
other than you,
you ruined me,
and I'm the fool.

If trust is so sacred to you
why are you so stingy with it?
Why, I wonder can you not
forgive and move on
and allow the future
to unfold as it is meant to unfold
instead of constantly searching
for reasons to chase the past?

If trust is so sacred to you
then why will you not give it freely
and allow it to shine forth
and become a real part
of who you are
instead of placing it
crumb by crumb?

If trust is so sacred to you
then why not give truly from your heart
and let all who know you feel and see
that you carry such beauty
inside of you
instead of wearing that hateful fear
that eats you up inside?

Trust.
You say you want to trust me,
yet you refuse to really try.
Always searching for tidbits
to prove that you cannot have
peace of mind--
yet too, you are always, always
looking behind--

If trust is so sacred--
then allow the future to unfold
without strings knotted up
from the past.
No one can trust when they refuse
to look forward
rather than looking back...

Would anyone really care,
If I vanished without a trace?
If my screams echoed the hallways,
If briny tears stained my face?

Everyone is bonded so strongly,
How can I join these ties?
Will I always be an outsider,
Seen as nothing more than a fly?

What am I doing wrong?
Can you help me understand?
Do I not deserve your kinships,
What’s wrong with who I am?

*I want for someone to care,
To catch me if I fall.
Because if no one cares about you,
Do you exist at all?