I want something that I cannot have. I cannot have it because I don't truly know what it is. I've seen it polished and propped as if it were on display and I've heard the stories of how much time and effort it took to make it look as such. But I want it. I want love. I want the idea of it at least.
I want the fights brought about by events simpler and less important than the time we wasted to have them. I want to be pained by the sight of her pain and know that the feeling of knives piercing my chest when I see her cry is there because I would literally drive them there myself, if only to prevent her tears.
I want our laughs to intertwine over the smallest things and our conversations to stretch our minds over the biggest. I want to see you sleep at night and I'll smile because I know that you're finally at peace. And I want you to smile when you wake up because you know that I'm fighting to make your reality better than your dreams.
I want love. I want romantic love, I want crazy love. I want passion. I want to pick you up in my arms and in that brief present get lost in your presence. I want to be in you when I am in you and have you wish that I would stay forever. I want to be in your heart and mind, and I want our love to be torturous and blind.
I just want love. I want the idea of it at least.

The way you walk is an indicator of how many hearts you've broken
How many people you've left wondering why they weren't good enough
The way you smile tells the story of how your mother never loved you
How she made you learn to hate yourself
The way you write tells me that your thoughts are always quick and messy
And how you wish you had someone to slow them down
The way you look at me makes me hope that I could be that someone

I'd always hated cigarettes
At least until I watched you smoke
Icy hands and thin red lips
I'm convinced that you were determined to ruin me
Because every smile that you gave me made me want to join you
Out on the back porch, cigarette in hand
I no longer associated the smell of smoke with sickness, but with pretty thoughts of you
Your laugh
Your smile
The butterflies I got when your eyes locked with mine
God, I love you and your cigarettes

Her voice is the only sound that doesn't cause my head to ache
It's soft and sweet,
Just like the rest of her
And It's at times like these,
When my demons are tearing apart the last shred of hope that I've hidden inside my heart
And my room is so dark that I'm starting to question if I'll ever see the sun again,
That I wish she was here,
Whispering loving words to me, our hands intertwined
Because when I am with her, the warmth in her smile and the feeling of her hands on my skin makes me feel alive
She is absolutely everything to me

When I miss you,
I feel a tingle down my spine
The kind you'd caress with your finger
As you show me you're mine

When I miss you,
I hear the rustle of an autumn leaf
Scraping on the pavements we walked
As you'd started to become my heart thief

When I miss you,
I look into the mirror and see
The pixels of definition the reflection encompasses
As identical and truthful as you = me

Hazel
I never knew a thing before
And now I
Hear the ocean's roar
I hear the
Clatter of your
Footsteps
But keep going
And I see
A road that
Never ends
And it floats
It could learn
But
It just lies there
In the sun
Like a lizard
Gathering warmth
And our minds, Hazel
They
Gaze into each other's peepers
And
Become one
And
The answers
Become wordless

As much as I hate to say:
Beautiful People
End Up
With Beautiful People.
Which means,
I'm out of luck.

You are my 12am thoughts.
Your smile and your sweet
And gentle gestures
How you would deny you like me
And be confused
As confused as I am

You are my 1am thoughts.
Your sweet nothings
How you'd say you love me
And missed me
And how badly you want
My embrace

You are my 2am thoughts.
How it might be like
To spend a day
Or a night with you
Walk around and talk the whole time
About our pasts, presents and futures.

You are my 3am thoughts.
How would it feel to kiss your lips
Or hold your hand
Would it feel warm
As warm as the tender touch I feel
In my heart whenever I talk to you?

You are my 4am thoughts.
Nothing would be sweeter
Than thinking about
How it might feel to be wrapped
In your tight embrace.

You are my 5am thoughts.
How sleepy I am and yet
You keep running on my mind
Unstoppable. Smiling. Teasing.

And I always fall asleep thinking about you
Then see you in my dreams.

Her orb's
As chandeliers;
In the day's of
Yore, bygone
Year's. Shone
Betwixt, the
Divine clear.
As tis her
Divinity,
Is mine
exosphere.



©Brandon Nagley
©Lonesome poet's poetry
©Earl Jane Nagley ( Filipino rose) dedicated

we take long drags
of each others skin,
the addiction comes
in phases.
day 1: my lungs sigh, weary,
air does not satisfy,
day 2: we're chasing
lifelines, that are rusted
and in vain
day 5: bad habits are
hard to break, beg, at the
holy altar of our mistakes
day 8: hands desperate,
clammy, unfurl
like belladonna palms.
day 9: i hope your
vocal cords strain, that
the only word you can
bear to say is 'stay'.
day 11: last breaths
muffled in the
graveyard of a kiss.
day 17: darling, i'm
losing track of time
day 28: i'm finding it
a little bit hard to quit.