when we are without our clothes
no one knows our rags nor riches
no one knows our highs nor lows
when we are without our stitches

when we are all naked stark
no one knows just who we are
nor do they know the part
that we play in life's shopping cart

you may ask what am i suggesting
perhaps we should all go naked
we'd then be on equal footing
and wouldn't that there be a blessing

JOKES
If it’s a joke, I will laugh
Every single time
Unlike those, who will not
Laugh at any time

This only proves, they are conscious
Of the words then being used
While disregarding the intent
Of the message being mused

It’s a tease, expressed in fun
Without malice or concern
Not to hurt someone
But to laughter earn
WIZDUMBs BY JA 406                     15-09-2014

The moment I laid my eyes on you,
        I knew,
           you were a dream that would never,
                come true.

Where were you when you heard
First heard some legendary song?
Does it get permanently hooked
To that time in life as it went along?

When I was twelve years old
I was coming home on the bus
A car radio playing Elvis singing
That’s “All Right Mama” passed us.

Freezing my *** in a weapons plant
When I first heard “Everybody’s Talking”.
I had no money and no good car
But I almost started walking.

All the time I was driving
“Light My Fire”, was always playing
With that bridge you couldn’t ignore.
I always link going west on I-40 to
My introduction then to the Doors.

T’was almost fifty years ago today
Sergeant Pepper and his band did play.
I was working as fry cook in KC
Wishing I could afford to run away.

I heard Yes singing “Your Move”
In Hollywood on Sunset and Vine.
I had no idea who that group was
I only knew they were new and fine.

Bopping down Hollywood Boulevard
And fashionable in Frankenstein shoes
I was styling with my pleated bells
Singing “Staying Alive” as I would cruise.

Music changed for me again, for the better
With the opening of Yellow Brick Road.
Elton made that dramatic opening bit
Opposite of a country *****-backed toad.

Barbra and Donna in great duet called
Were wailing out “Enough Is Enough”.
I was thinking finding a better team
Than those two divas would be tough.

Someone say
Filth, ****, dirt,
Just ask me
I'll take off my shirt.

The manly cowboy
continued his travels
across the land,
of merry ole England,
drinking a little mead,
riding his steed.

Walking along one day
beside his horse,
says to his horse,
a question this way,
says he.

"What's your name?"

"Randall." she replied.
for his steed was a she.

"WHAT did you say?
What the hell kinda name is that?"

"And please pardon me for my language,
your answer took me by surprise."

"For your information kind sir,
i am highly educated
and well brought up.

what did you expect?
some silly name
like Bay
or Susie?
or ,
if i hailed from
your part of the world,
Cochise
or Blaze
or Cimmaron?

Oh no, i know,
you might
have very well
named me
General
Blueberry."

Scratching his head,
the manly cowboy
just looked askew,
completely anew,
at this fine steed.

Randall!

Off they trode,
adventures to be made,
fast becoming fine friends,
as they were
running the roads to the ends.

Many a new sight did they see,
then one day they happened upon
Queen E.

"That's one fine looking six shooter
you have there."
said the great ruler with
the neatly coiffed gray hair.

"May I?"  asked she,
her royal hand outstretched.

Happy to oblige,
this woman who
has ruled so long,
seen so much.

Handing her his gun,
so carefully,
he inquired,

"Do you know how one of these things works Ma'm?"
asked he
"Don't be so silly
you manly cowboy.
Of course! "
said she,

With that,
she turned
and shot
every chamber bare,
six apples from
the tops of six heads
of her many heirs.

"Here, come join us."
said she,
"We're out for a ride
to look at the tide."

So the manly cowboy
threw in with the royal
mob for the day.

Riding far and wide
treated to vast
expanses and views,
and the eternal tide.

Having so much fun
shooting and riding,
out in the fresh air,
out in the sun.

At last evening approached
too fast and suddenly.
"What a day i have had,
one to always remember,
to recount over fires
many a coming night."

With that,
he took his leave,
tipped his hat,
and bowed to Queen E
so gentlemanly.

Last night
I told God
That I don't want it anymore
I gave Him permission
To take me away for good
But he didn't
And now I don't know
What to do with my life.

I helped my Uncle ******* a donkey once and
I helped my neighbour Bill Krapp into a church, but
Thank Gawd I never saw my aunt's ***** being eaten
By a grizzly bear, only by my Uncle ****.

One of the most beautiful of all Barry Hodges' "Memories" poems, and one in which a sad death occurs

O how sanguine your author was, that
After so many bitter heartbreaks
On the rocky road to Love
(sweet Nirvana shared with a special kindred soul),
This would be the Big One,
The dawning of my joyous future,
A future to be enjoyed in togetherness
With the woman of my dreams,
A charming full-breasted Highland lassie.

I smiled in innocent anticipation
Of what might transpire
As I waited to meet my wee Aileen
That lovely Scots summer evening
In the bonnie Pass o' Killicrankie -
Her selection of such an inconvenient,
Yet spectacularly gorgeous spot,
Reflected what I had come to appreciate
Of her romantic nature, thus boding well
For our first physical encounter.

Although we had not hitherto met
In the full flesh, so to speak,
I felt I knew the dear girl well,
Having exchanged increasingly amorous emails
On an exclusive dating website
http://brokenhearts-renewed-by-hotspunk.co.uk*
And the semi-draped digital photo
Made my heart go pit-a-pit-a-pat
And made my sporran twitch,
To put it mildly, dear reader.

And so I waited, bouquet in hand,
By the bridge o'er the Pass o' Killicrankie,
That warm evening last year
And the birds sang a gentle little song:
Tweet-tweet-tweety-tweet
They chirrupped, somewhat unoriginally,
And how my heart was gladdened
By their artless warbling, och aye,
But I knew not what tragedy lay
Just around the proverbial corner.

And then I saw her coming down the path,
Limping gently (I recalled she had mentioned
early on in our electronic correspondence
that one leg was slightly shorter than the other
thanks to an incident involving a rabid Rottweiler)
And, O dear Lord, she was indeed a beauty,
Truly a very tasty number indeed
(although at least ten inches shorter
than I had fondly imagined theretofore),
And I knew my prayers had been answered
(yet perhaps not one hundred percent ideally).

We embraced shyly as she rested her lesser limb
On a conveniently sited large round stone,
As we stood by the bridge looking out o'er
The spectacular Pass o' Killicrankie,
With its tumbling burn in the mighty ravine far below,
And she reached up on tippie-toe
So as to bring her lips up my mine
In order to seal our love, to plight our troth;
Och how my poor wee heart pounded
Like a steam-hammer at full throttle.

But Fate, cruel Fate intervened brutally
And her surgical boot slipped on the aforesaid stone;
Then she fell against the ill-maintained fence
Which inevitably snapped asunder
And my Aileen toppled over into the terrible depths
Of the famous Pass o' Killiecrankie,
Her arms flailing like semaphore.
O, but I shall ne'er forget her doomed shrieks
As she bounced over the granite rocks,
Landing with a fatal plop in the rippling stream
As it ran urgently in the crannies at the bottom
Of the legendary Pass o' Killicrankie.

There's aye a silver lining to this tale
As poor Aileen's handbag still lay on the path
And I quick perusal therein
Suggested I could go for a tasty supper
At the nearest hostelry and have plenty left over
To subscribe to a more explicit dating website
(perhaps one where only the physically perfect
would be allowed to register)
In the hope of better luck next time round;
But the memory of her dying gurgles
In the icy waters of the babbling brook
Coursing through the Pass o' Killiecrankie
Will live with me for all eternity
(well, a week or two at a rough guess anyway).