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He was never mine
I shared his bed from time to time
He would open up to me
Let me in just a little bit
Then close tightly shut
Like a clam
I never judged him about anything
His mentall illness
His sleep apnea
His erectile dysfunction
His issues with drugs
His commitment issues and fears
His anxiety and depression
How he would always go MIA and push me away
I always waited
I was always there
I loved him for many years
Even though he was never mine
I think I'll love him forever
The stupid heart wants what it wants
I still love him
I think I always will
He'll always be the one that got away
He was beautifully broken
Like me in a lot of ways
On the inside
I thought I could fix him
I have a nasty habit of loving people that don't love me
And vice versa
Such an unfortunate paradox
I see the good in people
Where there isn't any
People that hurt me
For many different reasons
I give them endless chances
I'm stubborn
I'll never learn
It's never my turn
 18h
Feyre
an emerald dress, flapping in the wind,
flailing on the petulant breeze.

the cliff face, rocky and jarring,
jutting out where sky meets sea.

the peak of a wave, crashing into stone,
relenting and dissolving its fury.

a girl, rosy-cheeked and fresh-faced,
her chin jutting as the cliff,
her eyes sparkling as the ocean,
and her mouth set as stone.

an echo, a call into the night,
a note of anguish and despair,
of tragedy and torment.

one hand, raised into the night,
reaching for the stars.

the waves crash,
the wind beats,
the moon sings,
and the stars burn.

and the girl,
in the emerald dress,
her voice echoes,
and her feet lift,

and it’s free falling.

the dress in the wind,
a bird flying through the night,
fabric floating on the air,
a creature -
airborne.

a moment of flight
with no ******,
just a bird
coasting on the breeze,
then a fish,
flailing in the depths.
i don't know how else to describe this feeling.
I turned into everything
I said I wouldn't be
My father - A cheater
Someone that runs away
I've run away more times than I can count
I've had an epiphany
Now my heart and mind is in complete dissaray
My mother - Mental illness - BPD
My moods change so rapidly
Medication does nothing for me
Just a placebo effect
But the matter is stronger than my mind
I swore, I declared these things I would never be
Hypocrisy
I hate with every fibre of my being who I have turned out to be
There is no going back for me
I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
I wish my life turned out a different way  
I guess this is just in my DNA
Or perhaps this is karma
I'm with you
But I don't love you
I kiss you but I feel nothing
We ****
My body rejecting you
I bleed
Every ******* time
I feel nothing
You say you'll **** yourself if I leave
Looked me in my eyes
Staring straight into my soul when you said it
I'm trapped
In a life that I don't want
In a life that I didn't choose
If life is a game
This is one that I know I'm destined to lose
I know that it could be worse
But this feels like a curse
The road is wrong
No matter what path I choose
I should be used to it though, right?
I've felt this way for my entire ******* life
Maybe I'll never feel anything ever again
Maybe the world was better off if I never existed
I'm a bad person
In every context of the word
Ashamed
Is an understatement
I would give you, almost anything,

for the borders, to close.
For our separate galaxies,
to inch, and crawl, ever closer,

winding and unwinding
around each other,
like the red thread of fate,
rocking gently, on twin spools.

I would give up, almost everything,

for my lifeline, to unravel,

if only...

to retangle, around yours,
in a closed,
but infinite loop.

I would give you my all,
my everything

For the distance,
between us...
to vanish.
For the spaces around us,
to suture themselves, together,
and heal,
like gaping wounds.

For the sublime favor,
of feeling you shine down, on me,
in a way no other, could do.

To see all your love,
reflected, in your mirrored irises,
and know that no one,
stands before, or behind me.

And I'd sell my own soul,
without a second thought
just to hear you say

That I'm your one,
your only love,
and no other
could ever

do.
 2d
GR
I shed tears,
For those who had experienced that very pain.

The same pain I fear to face,


Death.


But it pains me more,
To be the only one to remember,


The Forgotten.


All my life,
I've seen death play it's game.

Those who...

seek it,

fear it,

face it.

But despite this,
I still feel sorrowful,
For all the pitiful souls,
Whom leave this vast world behind.

Despite their unknown...

names,

faces,

souls,


I Feel,



Sorrowful.


Is this what we call,
Mourning?
White brick,
Metal chains.
Locked In,
So afraid.

Metal clinking,
against concrete.
No escape.
Locked in,
It’s fate.

A small cot,
Made of wood.
In the corner,
White concrete floor,
I shuffle my feet,
Towards the door.

I gave up screaming,
long ago.
I gave up because—
No one could hear me,
Yell.
So now I sink low—
To the concrete,
And look out,
But all I see,
Is more white walls,
So know I doubt myself.

The metal chain,
Weighing me down,
Like a brick.

A chain of—
Regret.
Shame.
Pain.
Sadness.
Fear.
Anxiety.
Anger.

I’m stuck in this,
walled concrete cell.
With thick metal-
Bars
Metal chains,
Weighing me down,
Forming deep scars.
From those already there.

This room,
I’m trapped.
It has always lasted,
I’m stuck here,
Always tested.

I hope one day.
I’ll break the chains.
But Im still stuck,
Attached to this wall,
In this cage,
In this room,
Debating if I can ever change.
 2d
Kalliope
I want to heal, for myself
And for you
Something keeps telling me
I'll still be the fool
You had enough of my unhealed ways,
You'll never trust in my post clarity days
And healing will feel good,
whether I get you back or not
But you lit this candle and
you're what I want
Candles burn out and
flames aren't forever
I should have proven then that
I could get better
Now I'm just a wick,
stuck burnt in dried wax,
ever talking about your scent
even though no one asked
For a moment my house was tranquil

— The End —