Boring was never a word to describe her
She was unique and exotic
Hair falling below her *******
Bangs tickling the freckles dotting the bridge of her nose
Her eyelashes swooped outward
Trapping anyone brave enough to meet her heated gaze
Her shoulders draped in the softest of silk
Blouse pulled taught and fitted into her belt.
Top button undone leaving the smallest sliver of skin begging to be touched.
Her hips swayed to the beat of her slacks
Making swishing noises as her thighs
Soft and plump rubbed the pant seams
stepping on her tippy toes to avoid the clickety clacks usually emitted from her signature well worn combat boots
She was far from boring

What is sleep I ponder
Flashes of your small body collapsing in my hands
Your exhausted trusting heartbeat fading under my touch
Feeling the last sigh of your tired soul
As the suffering came to an end
As you got a token of peace from the pain
I’m a monster a selfish monster to only think of how sad I am about it
When you are at ease
I’m sorry
I hope we did enough
I hope it wasn’t my fault
I’m sorry

Rouse you from your slumber
Feel your tight embrace
Soothe the worry from my brow
Instead the knots are twisting
The uneasy shadows nearing
All alone. Deep in thought. Turmoil.

There it goes again
The never ending potholes
My mind keeps falling into
I guess the same way I drive
Reckless and fast hoping
Everything turns out okay
Falling into every dip and pit
Just barely making it out

The cogs in my brain need tuning
The nerves need repair
My body needs a new engine
I’m just hanging in there
My body’s cracking
The paint is peeled
I feel like there’s no salvation
No way to get it healed.

Is there a mechanic for a broken human?

I’ve never been a destination
More like the interesting statue
Your mind stumbled upon on accident
Leaned on for a moment
And continued on its way.

So every day I wake up and you
You my darling my precious my soul
Are still holding my hand
Still brushing the hair from my face
I’ll lie awake at night confused
Too scared to sink into your arms
Because it’s not possible
For you to chose me
As your home
Is it?

Because I swear I miss the way your arms felt around me
I miss the way your smile grew after you saw mine
I miss the way you dressed me up and made my hair
I miss you , your presence just in spirit
A ghost from the afterlife
I miss you
But I don’t even know what I miss.