he didn’t simply hold my hand
instead he cradled it between
both of his as if I was made
to be handled with care.
I didn’t dare tell him
I’ve been broken
so many times
It’s too late
to be gentle

My grief turned twenty-one years old
So I took it out with me,
ordered enough drinks for two
and ended my night telling her gravestone
I really needed her to just come back to me.

I didn’t mind flying too close to the sun for you
If I’m being honest I knew my wings were on fire
I set them ablaze before I jumped off the cliff
I just wanted to fall
Fall with your eyes in sight
And warmth in mind
I wanted to fall and crash and burn
Dying for someone
Is always much easier than choosing to live

just because I know
not to repeat the same silly decisions,
doesn’t mean I wish they weren’t made
You see
I do not regret
The love I gave
The love I found
The love I lost
It all returns

my heart trembles,
I don’t tell her no.
Instead I point my feet
in your direction
and drink in the kindness
pooling in your eyes.

in the same way bones break,
to protect our vitality.
perhaps hearts must break,
to protect our humanity.

If I could bottle the sureness
That washes over my body
At the thought of coffee shops
and late nights with pouring rain
Your hat weaving through the crowd,
To perch across from me,
We wouldn’t need to talk.
You’d just know.
The certainty in my bones
the desire in my clenched thighs.
Trilling my fingers on the table
Not from fear but to add to the tune
Humming and whistling through my heart.

The way my eyes soften scanning your face
mentally tracing the indents of crows feet,
searching for any worry I can smooth away,
and dipping low to see if your mouth is just as hungry.
Resting my jean-clad legs against your own.
Warmth and comfort beyond the hot chocolate
Edging my lips and coating your tongue.