Derail your anxious train of thought

Open your inner spirit

And enter the dream corridor
like a leaf from a tree in its dying season

Coma come quiet
Airless linger delight

Sacrificial pasts
give you the power
to leave places

The world won't get better
but you will

the nun had told the boy,

"say a thousand hail Mary's
and God will grant you
anything you want."

the boy in the front row pew at church, alone
always alone. he didn't want

a ten speed bike or a sunny day,
the Mets to win the world series or

to be president of this sorry country, to be rich

or not to have to clean his room

with the heart of a lonely kid
he felt destiny within himself
so he went for the gamble and spread his cards
leave it to faith
take the road

and he walked into soft light
and disappearing shadows.

Underbelly of seabirds
As
White blue grey sky
Scrolls above.

Feathers frolic on
Thermal waves
Unknown to eyes
On Southend pier.

Rusting legs step out to
Sea
Swell and cresting small
Over silted bed

i smell your scent,
like mangoes
i tasted them,
unripe & sour.
But I like it.

Brittle bones,
knackered backs
look where have we been,
steaming
bickering
all within,
faltering legs slipping through the streets,

this man;
would you still greet?

Ashen lungs, falling through
bruised hands;
brimming of stench
been home late,
lately—

this man;
would you still put arms around?

old shirt pieces,
spectacles of destiny
uttering broken-frames;
for a new sweater
weaved into his soul-born.

this man,
would you call a miser still?

Look at those fingers,
go across the keyboard—
Look at the tubelight
light those eyes up
all night.

this man
would you still smile for?

For once,
let me know—
this man,
and his tears;
would you bear upon your lap?

Here’s to scrumptious nights.
cats and boots and cats and boots
We went clubbing last night, to recalibrate
ourselves on the dance floor, where magic happens.
cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots
To focus on sensory experiences, the beat,
and share in the fun and tangible sense of freedom.
cats and boots and cats and boots
Feel the wave, show your energy, be the wave
cats and boots and cats and boots
be disheveled, swing your hair like a weapon
abandon, silly, self-protecting vanities
cats and boots and cats and boots
flashing lights on dancing figures
make it all seem slo-mo and extreme.
cats and boots and cats and boots
It’s been too long since we’ve done it like this.
Work-worn, I’d lost my lucidity and stumbled badly on a quiz.
Lisa pushed my books onto the floor, declaring, “Get UP, we’re grabbing some bliss.”
cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots
failure has a reality, a gravity and pull all the more shocking in relief.
I’d started out the evening gloomy and ashamed - a figure of regret -
but I’m better now, buoyed and recharged and soon I’ll have a plan - hopefully.
cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots
There was a guy there, on the dance floor, who looked like a young Leonardo DiCaprio.
We made eye contact, nodding and smiling at each other in motion.
We gyrated, together, sort of, for a second, in our separate orbits - no conversation
I just watched him for a moment or two, sexualizing him like eye candy.
Just seeing him was sensual fun and I wondered what he smelled like.
He had a gritty, sweaty, idealized beauty, like a dancing ‘David’
that no Michelangelo could ever capture in stiff granite sculpture.
The music ended - momentarily - we knew it would start up again
and we were there for it - til 1 or 2 am anyway - then it recranked.
cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and..
Lisa grabbed my hand, jerking me onto the dance floor almost
before I could set down my drink. Eeek! “Slow Down!” I yelled,
but my complaint was lost in the din and my involuntary laugh.
cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and..
.
.
Songs for this:
Dance To This (feat. Ariana Grande) by Troye Sivan
Good Time Girl (feat. Charlie Barker) by Sofi Tukker

Untethered

Today I don’t feel like talking
Go away and leave me alone
Don’t even think about calling me
I will refuse to answer the phone

Please don’t make any demands
I find it so hard to say no
It breaks me up if I can’t please
I need the approval to show

People can be so exhausting
Their clamouring I can’t bear
They drain my social battery
And I have no energy to spare

My front door is locked and bolted
The rest of the world can’t get in
I can’t deal with all of the chaos
It puts my head into a spin

No one to question my actions
No one to give unwanted advice
A wall to keep out all emotion
Why would I even think twice

In this agony of silence
I have lost the power of speech
Disconnected from humanity
All help is beyond my reach

I am lost inside my own mind
My only guide is my self doubt
This maze has become my prison
The exit is not my way out

Untethered from your reality
Now I am drowning not waving
Voices screaming inside my head
They tell me I’m not worth saving

And yet deep down in my core
Hides a desperate need to survive
If only I had some strength left
Maybe I’d fight to stay alive