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When will you realize that I am no longer who I used to be.

You rid me of the hope I had and the beauty I used to see in this cutthroat world.

Every word and hit you landed on me made sure of that.

You did not let me grow up and instead pushed me into the shallow looking waters thinking I would survive.

And you're right I did.

But at what cost?

Only my humanity of course.

How ironic it is that you wanted me to thrive and pour gold out of my waking life.

When I came out burning from sulfur and ashes.

No warning and no mercy, no.

You never taught me what that was.

All the expectations and dreams set into my very being with no thought of what it would take.

I am not your saving grace nor your chance for another life.

I am not made for your salvation, to make up for what you could not have.

I have always been so much more than that.

You birthed me from fuel and soot.

I was never meant to be what you predicted.

So do not come to me with your expectations of obedience I will never yield to your maltreatment.

I will never be molded into what you want of me.

-Kore
thanks mom and dad :)))
Please do not take it personally
when I reel away from the world
and from you.
When I disappear without a word.

It is simply my way of saying.
That I am healing in my own ways.
I do not blame you
and I never would.

Please never put yourself at fault
for it is no ones burden but my own.
You have only shown me kindness in my struggle
but this is something that only I can deal with on my own.

And I can promise you that things will turn out okay for me.
There is no need for you to risk your own heart
for things you have no control over
with your own tears you have to mend.

I can promise you that I can save myself.

-Kore
she shouldn't have to feel guilty
I do not want to forget.
But as the sun rises from the horizon
My memories
Our memories
Start to fade from my conscience.

Everyday is a struggle as I desperately hold on
To what my mind wishes to erase.
Your words
Our dreams
No longer as eternal as we thought it would be.

So please forgive me.

For my memory isn't what it used to be.

-Kore
I am sorry
That when it's years into the future with the present feeling so far
and the past still hurting me
as it does now.

I'll know how to deal with it.

That I'll stop destroying and despising everything there is to me.

That maybe I'll finally forgive myself
and tell myself that it wasn't my fault.

That it never was and I'd believe it.

Maybe I won't be happy.
Maybe I won't ever heal.
But at least I will finally have the strength to deal with myself.

That one day I may have the strength
To love myself.

-Kore
it's a tough time
Cut
I did not really think it through
When the first few strands of my hair came falling to the floor.

But then again I don't really want to think.

That was the point.

As the blunt kitchen scissors sheared what was left of the choppy mess on my head

I am worthless.
That's what you always tell me.

I don't want to think.

You never really did love me.

You always left cuts and bruises on me
Never letting me heal for your own selfish reasons.

You are never at fault.
But you've certainly made your mark.

Now I can only attempt to cut what damage you've done to me out of my life.

My fragile locks scattered around on the cold tile floor.

I can't bear to look.

You don't know what you've done.
You never will as much as I wish you would.
More strands fall from my shaking hands.

I wish I could cut you out.

-Kore
Hello mental breakdown
I never thought I would live to see the day
When someone would finally give color and music
To my melting monochromatic world.

I wonder when it started to fall apart.
When our story we fought and gave our all to
would end the way it did.

All our hardships and the scars
that we both shared together slowly mending
while you disappeared off of the final chapter.

Not a single word left behind
you did not deserve to go as you did.
You always deserved better than this.

With you gone and leaving me only to wonder
where we went wrong.

And if I could've saved you somehow.

-Kore
I think of them often.
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