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 Dec 2015 Candice
niamh
Fake
 Dec 2015 Candice
niamh
I have lied my way
Through life
And spilled my truth
Upon these pages.
A persona presented
Face to face
Is lost within the ink
Of the pen.
Created by insecurities,
Derived from expectations
Unjudged by blank sheets.
Only those who read me
Truly know me.
I am a man with a heart that offends
with its lowly and greedy demands.
Such a waste, your beautiful face.
How I have wasted my throes on your head!


So can we be friends or a tad bit more, sweetly,
Before this façade ends?
For I love you more than the world can contain
In its lonely and ramshackle head!


I’m holding my breath.
Nodding as my last minute counts down to one.
And when I am dead, come sit by my stonehead
My fossil shall rot happy in the sun!


What can be said of your heart?
Do my memories keep you awake?
I may be forgiven...
 Dec 2015 Candice
Y Rada
It is difficult to be a man,
For I am not a typical one.
It is hard for me to go on,
There’s a secret that pulls me.

I loathe when my memories strike,
They hit emotionally with might.
I struggle so much to survive,
In a world so deaf towards my cries.

I look at a He and my heart convulses,
For I recall a He who gave me kisses.
I was young, forced and naïve,
I fought but He was much stronger.

Society might tell that I’m gay,
For I let a man violated me in a way.
But I’m not a ***** and I’m sure,
I play a role for which others envy.

When I was a teen I met her,
I admired her even if she’s older.
I was then shy and very timid,
With mental and emotional scars.

I thought of her as a dear friend,
Then she turned to be my worst fiend.
One instance she forced herself on me,
And used things that hurt me so.

A girl’s tactics differ from the stronger ***,
Tears she used first and blackmail next.
She was cunning, sly and very clever,
She stole my pride and my dignity.

My fears now mixed with anger,
My determinations got bolder.
I still cry and sometimes get lonely,
Like any other victim I want to fight.

I can not shout to the whole nations,
For societies will scorn at my declamation.
Both sexes forgot that I have feelings too,
I am also made of flesh, bones and spirit.

I am not proud of what I become,
Within me clouding reasons try to calm.
My desire is to win this battle to the end,
I am capable of vulnerability like any human.

But where does my right begin?
This universe has compassion for women.
The likes of me are expected to be steel made,
Yet I have feelings too for I am just a man.
Dedicated to all abused males by other men and to the men abused by females. A simple shout out to the world that I care…that I have heard your cries… and that you are still loved.
Needles and syringes;
Heroine, my beautiful medication.
White robe, blue belt,
I was loving my profession of alcohol and drug indulgence.

Pipe ready,
my growing shadow, aided by the lighting from the burning flame below,
silently watching on;
“One hit and I will be perfect,” begs my ****** soul.

I have watched the moon every night.
Witnessed as she comes and goes.
Atimes, she is full and bright;
at others, she is nothing but a waning dull curve,
travelling leisurely across the sky;
Her face, a dire one,
filled with laughter and mockery
as she wonders what went wrong with me.
30 nights and 12months of 11years,
I too, an answer I have failed to find.

Last night, there was this darkness,
and all I can remember is the music that accompanied it.
Dark themed and suicidal,
Yet, it is the closest I have come to solitude in so many years.
Tonight I am back again, bent over my last dosage for the night.
“Dosage.” Indeed!
The moon is not in sight.
I wonder if my friend, if she is one,
Has forgotten about me tonight.
But there she is again.
Maybe she isn’t taunting me;
Maybe she is as confused as I am,
Or is she also lost?
Why can’t she seem to find her way home?
Oh the ramblings of a somber mind.
Dedicated to all those struggling with an addiction and trying to make something of their lives, you are not alone. You will be fine. Be strong for the world needs you. God bless.
Ive stared at the flashing lights
As cars sped hurriedly pass
below the deck of my balcony,
Like I didn’t exist.

Ive awoken to the smell of indian spices,
As my neighbours cooked away chirpily.
As their voices filled the hallway,
Like I wasn’t there.

Ive stared as people crossed the roads
As the lights went from green to amber
As the cars failed to halt
Even as I stood, rooted in the middle of the road.

Ive slit my wrists,
In the hopes that you’d notice me.
As I cant think of nothing else but you;
But you pass by my side every morning, like I do not exist.

So im seated here,
Boats being decked
Fishermen going home to roast and feed
As I prepare to leap to my own demise.
in death i found a friend!
Simin
Different doesn’t necessarily mean better.
Your violence, a misconstrued cry for attention and love.
Every road, no matter how long and expansive, leads to an end.
Your ignorance is only feigned bliss,
for the certainty of failure is a known warrantee for unrest,
the illusion of peace.
The demonstration of confidences shattered,
Like withering plant stems.
The misunderstood, the figurative unbeliever,
The needy, abandoned like leaves buried beneath the white of the winter.
The only answer to our extensive quests? Ding, ding, ****.
The misunderstood die young...
 Dec 2015 Candice
Karen Hamilton
With lights in the sky
And cheer in my heart,
A drink in my hand,
A toast to the past

Treasure my memories;
Some triumphs were lost,
Now facing forward
But never forgot

I look to the future,
This one is for me
Year TWENTY-THIRTEEN
For wisdom and glee

Laid out before me
Adventures to come,
With laughter and smiles
I'll drink from the sun

Shining so brightly
Three weeks passed - still pleased,
Work arrange training,
One seat kept for me

First Aid Course progressed;
I wished to forget
The news I received
Before last years test...

(...As irony leaped
'Twas taught to save lives,
My mobile had beeped
With news my friend died

The shock had set in
I had to pull through,
Third day of the course
The test was now due

I pulled it together
My shakiness passed
I saved Annie's 'life'
I gave 'CPR'

I bandaged a 'cut'
I tended her knee,
I showed them I could
Help competently

I passed with "Well done"
But my heart broke in two,
Inside I was numb)
Old memories! Not new....

So, I focus today
With smile on my face,
DEFIBRILLATOR-
It's time to embrace!

I wait in the queue
Examined to be...
Bells chime, the phone rings,
My mum looks at me

(We work together)
She speaks to our Boss
"Can Karen go next?"
Her voice almost lost

I ask her "What's up?"
She said "It's bad news,
Was Grandad who called,
About your Nan Sue..."

She's hours to live
We must get there fast
But first you must go
And start Annie's heart!


© Karen L Hamilton, 2013
January 2013 seemed to set a trend for me,  this poem was written upon reflection of receiving bad news whilst refreshing my First Aid Certificates on two seperate occasions, both minutes before my final practical test Annie is a Dummy used for CPR training. It is in memory of my friend Heather, and my Nan Sue. Gone but never forgotten.
 Dec 2015 Candice
Chalsey Wilder
The ones that claim to love you give you the most misery.
I hate my mother. I'm gonna give karma some help with her when the time is right
 Dec 2015 Candice
Feeling Real
I wake up the ghosts with the saddest songs
I can sing and I sing of desire
How nobody wants me, I'm so **** lonely
I walk down the streets and turn no head
I'm just like them

I'm all for lies if you disguise it well enough
I love to feel as long as it's all love
I've always found that darkness
Warms me more than the light
Just take me out, take me out

Let me cry

I'm the happiest when you leave me rotten
The ground is the dirt
It's me you walk in

Every kitchen floor is my bed sheet

The awful weight over me
I've always wanted to feel wanted
But it's been coming up less often

I'm the first type, the kind of girl who
Gets a taste before she bites
I'm a loose hook, a left-right
The circle-turning, your house is burning
Look at me, I'm more important
Stupid, I'm still talking kinda girl
Everyone has an idea of a person that is perfect for them,
How they look,
How they act,
Seldom do people truly find this person,
For me, my perfect girl is a shorter blonde,
Blue eyes that would light up the room,
A body that is neither thin nor fat,
A girl that makes good decisions,,
Perhaps a smart girl,
Smart enough to make me wrong sometimes,
I've never seen this girl I speak of,
But I found someone better,
You don't fit a single thing I just said,
Get okay grades in school,
You have black hair and auburn eyes,
You make me feel crazy in silence that you create,
Yet I still have loved you more than anyone,
More than my life it's self in which I'd give to you in a moment,
You've surpassed my expectations,
While not meeting a single one,
But I love you and always will,
Even if you hurt me I will love you.
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