I guess I'll go make a cup of tea
Because sometimes it feels like
You have time for all of them, but not for me

I would like you to stay.
Stay where you've always been-
Where I once was. I would like you to stay
Here
With me. And I know that it is wrong and
Selfish
to even express
How still I long for you to stay- but I cannot bare the bruise
Of another milestone
Whipped at my head
though they're not even mine.

I never thought I would become all that I now am. I never thought I was this capable of hurting myself. I never thought I would be this alone surrounded by all the things I love and understand. I never thought this would happen so early on;
The great distance left bearing only heavier weights.

So I'll take whatever milestones I can
And abuse their theoretical beauty

The sleep

and breaking of my bones-

My last and final duty.

i believe,
even the stars
get tired.

when the night sky
had folded them away
back into the darkness

and the moon,
that lonesome thing,
has doused itself in shadows.

so will you too, my friend
shy away from the light
as if it would burn
if it reached you.

maybe you feel,
you just are not strong enough
to face the day.

that the midnight hour
is a broken thing

and oh, the silence
is deafening.

and you and i know, even the stars
are tired.

you mourn for them
as their light expires.

The night is dark.
The path is long.
The monsters are out.
In the shadows, they lurk.

Take my hand.
Let us find our way home.
No matter what comes tonight,
I promise to never leave you alone.

Miles upon miles,
Riddled with beds.
Tissues and soft hands,
To wipe my tears.
Piles upon piles,
Of blankets and food.
A nice, big bowl
Of serotonin.

Put the gun to your head
Listen to the silence
Don't care for heaven or hell
Have a smile on your face
Keep your tongue in its place
And have a tale to tell
Of the burning of your soul
So that the heavens shake
For time has come to make
The departure to the other side

© Ali Ashraf

my first crush committed suicide.
i remember the hurt at a young age
from chasing him around his living room
begging him for a kiss.
from my young age i knew i wanted him
in my life forever.
through his weaves and gagging
running around the furniture and up the stairs,
losing him sounded foreign then
and having lost him now, still feels the same.
our fathers drank and our mothers giggled
born three months apart
our future planned together
both saying "i do"
uniting us all together.
life flew on by
us both fighting with ourselves
and downing the bottles underneath the bed
loaded and silenced
family portraits painted in red
long life memories all put to rest.
only one made it out alive
but it's hard to breathe
out of us how was it me
and you in a little box
where a diamond ring should be.
my mind keeps wondering
when will i stop chasing you
then my heart replays
every time you turned a corner
you looked over your shoulder
and how you smiled at me.

the things you always joke about
they hurt
but im not leaving you
the way you talk to me when you get angry
it hurts
but im not leaving you
the way you change completely when i bring up a friend of mine who's a guy
it scares and hurts me
you joke about how "im on this guys ****" or some immature ****
it hurts cause you know i wouldn't do that to you
but i wont leave
cause you're still the boy i met just a few months back
but now all your sweet words sound so full with lust, no love
i can ever so slightly hear a drop of love, scattered in between the "i love you" and the "im sorry baby" and all the in between
i love you
and im not leaving you
.
.
.
not yet