I don't want to be this
I don't want to think any of this
It doesn't matter what I want
The choice I made will always haunt
I don't want to do this
I don't want to go through with this
But it is what it is they say
This is the price I must pay
The only comfort in this
Is that I won't remember this
When I come face to face
With the choice I've made to leave this cruel place


©2024

Loving me
Is some kind of chore apparently
From what I see
It seems to be done begrudgingly
It is mostly
Basic surface level pageantry
So there is a "we"
But my end can be changed out if need be
The worst part has to be
That I can't help but give completely
And organically
Which always finds it's way around to biting me in the *****

©2024

Why are hearts
That feel so much
So easily broken?
I haven't misspoken
When I beg to not care
Beg to have nothing to clutch
Beg to take my last breath
Or have taken from me
My ability
To love and care so much
I plead "how is this fare?"
"Why can no one show me they care?"
"What is wrong with me?"
"Is there something I'm the air?"
"Why am I kept
So far away
From loves touch?"
The nothing's becoming
Far too much

©2024

I swear...
I didn't mean to **** the best of me
Or squash what I like in me
Yet here I stand
****** weapon in hand
My essence
Dripping down the blade
Like rain from a cloud
Or tears of a clown
Landing on the razors edge
A familiar sight and sound

©2024

I'm not going to lie
It felt good
I felt justified
Pouring the gas
Striking the match
And letting it fly
I even stood back
And watched the whole thing burn
Imagining the reflection of the engulfed bridge dead center of my eye
But I was young
I was hurt
I was beyond just a simple angry guy
And now so much time has passed
I find myself
Back at the charred remains
With a solitary tear forming in my eye
And you no longer on the other side
But one by one I still replace
Each piece of chard lumber
With iron and steel just in case
You too one day
Find yourself back at the same place

©2024

It takes to much to live
Collected from the start
'Till the wick can no longer be lit

All I have left to give
Is this mangled mess of a heart
And a broken spirit

Passive or aggressive
Lifes and bodies fall apart
Death is all we inherit

And death is possessive
No retort
Take the hit and grin and bear it

©2024

It's getting bad again
That feeling
That wanting
That almost need to give up

I don't know
If the glass is half empty
Or half full
I don't even see the cup

Being honest
I've begun to notice
That lately it takes far less
For these thoughts to develop

With 40 years of ammo
They are able to be relentless
And my shoddy defenses
Will not hold up

©2024