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I sit in contemplation
trying to close my eyes
so I turn off the playstation
and drop my phone with a sigh.

Earlier, I tried to eat a pear
'cause fruit is healthy and stuff
but it was too hard for me not to care
it just wasn't ripe enough.

This show I've been obsessed with
and the manga after that
have busted that subconscious myth
that fiction has a lesser impact.

How long will I spend in the depths
of the fandom and content I find
accessible at my fingertips
and flooding through my mind?

When will I sense the ending
of this era of nights spent reading
headcanons, and content expanding
on the world on which I'm feeding?

Last night the latest chapter
was out on my mobile app
and I stumbled across it after
going to reread whatever was last.

It hit me like a ton of bricks
like the weight of hardback copies
of every scene the author depicts—
sent shock throughout my body.

A character who, before this day,
was invincible and proud
not unrivaled in his sway
but always drawing a crowd.

And then the last page caught me
and I could not look away
as tendrils from the enemy
cut through its raging prey

Too quick to be avoided
the hit was meant for another
but he knew he'd been appointed
as savior to his brother.

Taking a bullet for the one he abused
the one he had hated and cursed
before their fates were irrevocably fused
without either harsh role reversed—

All perceived slights against him
any contempt he thought he had shown
was forgotten as he jumped out to save him
His body just moved on its own.
I just can't get that image out of my head...
I refuse to believe Bakugo could be dead.
Numbness in my chest
Resisted by my heartbeat
Along with music
Hits against fragility
Shielded by the walls of fear.
Check out my Wattpad! https://www.wattpad.com/story/241881560-the-note-~-serial-story
I finally picked up my refill
And finally stopped running uphill.
I'd been out for days,
And was in a haze
That nothing could fix but my refill.

I finally refilled my meds, guys.
Last week I ran out of my supplies,
And I sunk like a brick
Into depression so thick
That it kept me from refilling my meds, guys.

At last I am back on my Adderall
And everything feels much more natural
I cleaned up the sink
And now I can think
About how good it is to have Adderall.
P.S. Sorry to everyone who took the brunt of my bs. Next time I have a breakdown about my *** life just tell me to refill my meds and leave me alone.
Life may have its
ups and downs and
deep seas before
we hit dry land
But as long as
we can end up
end up happy
end up in love
No one wants to
lose to down days
but we all know
that's how life plays
So it's clear now
if we end up
instead of down,
that's the best end.
written listening to the daydream lofi hip-hop Tokyo mix
I sit in my chair
waiting for water to boil
to cook a cool meal.

Married for 4 weeks...
it doesn't seem like that long
every moment's bright.

Time to boil the corn
I already made the cheese
smoky lime queso.

He's watching the end
the show he started last night
the last episode.

In half an hour
I'll tell him dinner's ready
and he'll smile so big!
I think, somewhere
along the line
A cable was tied to me.
The harness was snug,
I gave it a tug:
Good times were holding me.

On the cliff of life,
I climbed around
Never looking below me.
I had little talks
With sea shells and rocks
Who always seemed to know me.

slowly, a cavern
just appeared
as if it had always been there.
and I found myself
leaving the shelf
to find out what was in there.

so slowly did
the shadows grow
that I learned to like the dark.
forgetting the sun,
and where I'd come from,
I gently embraced the dark.
Probably from 2016 around the time I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety, or early 2017 when I left school to live with my then boyfriend's parents.
I woke up on the couch again.
I've been sleeping there each night that he's out of town without cell signal.
Not that he even lives with me.
But sleeping in my own bed still feels lonely if there aren't texts from him to look forward to.
No matter how many new friends I make, I can't fill the empty spot.
And it's okay.
"Distance" makes the heart grow "fonder", but all I can hope is that it'll make the heart grow.
So much on our minds.
Choices to make and places to go and work to be done.
And the desire to just drop it all for a week and be together is always there.
Patience, I say, there will be a week for that.
So I will wait.
As much as it hurts for the present, it's worth it.

I got up off the couch once I'd written him a good morning text.
I was playing some of my old music and getting lost in the atmospheric melodies, and just pouring water into the coffee machine instead of waiting for the Brita pitcher to filter it, and then use that, was my method for breaking through the anxiety barrier today.
From there, coffee was followed by a desire for food (because coffee alone is just asking for a stomachache) so I thought of my pancake mix.
Here goes. I'm not measuring this out, my measuring cups are all in the ***** dishes pile. I've washed a bunch of glasses and this one will fit enough pancake batter for two or three small flapjacks.
Here I go.
journal
they look like crepes and not pancakes. but it's alright.
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