Where is he?
He abandoned me here.
They take me outside and the leave me in the cold.
It's my only pleasure in the day.
I need someone with me.
Do you have any idea how lonely I feel?
Do you even know how alone I am?
Where is he?

The whispers that would once soothe now crawl down my spine like roaches invading wet wood.


My spine, turned to wood, splinters my heart.
And know it hurts to breathe but I do anyway because for a split second, pure air brushes against my lips, the way you once did.


I walk on broken glass, on my hands and knees clearing the way for you,
But you walk right over me looks across the ****** cracks on the floor. On my heart.


Why do I miss you. Why do I miss the cuts. Why do I miss the yelling.


Because I miss you. I miss the way you'd looked at me sleeping.
The way you'd watch me singing in the car.
The way you'd look at me while in your bed.


When did your eyes of love turn to lust?
When did I turn to a human being that meant nothing anymore.
When did 10 months of your life just hit ctrl delete and now you can't find the files but you are still my desktop picture.


How does this happen?
I try to rip apart your gifts on my dresser, and the pictures on my walls
but I can't because part of me is hoping one day you'll be at my door with my favorite flowers,
my favorite flowers,
my favorite flowers...
that I can't ******* think of because you have taken over my mind.


Just apologizing
Tell me this is some sick joke
Please tell me this is some sick joke
Because I can't handle this sick life.


I see you walk. You don't walk the same anymore
I see you talk. You don't talk the same anymore.
I see you. You aren't the same anymore.

There’s a fire in his eyes
Burning so very bright.
A fire unlike any other.
A fire that keeps you warm but give you a breath of cold air
A fire that holds you close but lets you run freely, as you are his ember
A fire that speaks peculiar words but are a melody when whispered in your ear
His body is a fire.
Burning bright and beautiful, bold flames.
But engulfed in himself.

To those who want to start an awakening in minds willing to listen
To those who have wide eyes, bold pupils and furrowed brows staring unspoken words in the face.
To those who want to begin a movement
To march
To yell
To pause
To breathe
To those, you must remember
To admit defeat, but never to apologize in the standing.
To keep walking, because even if you shake, a step is still a step.
Push those toes in the ground like its warm sand.
Feel every grain on your feet, thinking of the story of every one of them and what stone they came from.
A stone once skipped across the calm water by a young boy and his father, making memories that last forever.
Or a stone once stepped on by girl somewhere and a boy picking her up to carry her back to the car, knowing that he was going to marry her one day.
Breathe
Dig your heals in the ground...
Stronger than that.
Plant your feet like a tree that's been there for years.
A willow tree whose roots reach the opposite end of the earth.
Whose roots are far too deep, far too grounded, for even the strongest to yank up
Stay. Grounded.
To those, you must remember
Stand tall in your posture with every vertebrae lined up, creating a tower of bodies of ossein reaching to the stars in your brain.
All stretching out to grasp a part of the infinite cosmos in your brilliant head.
Full of unheard of galaxies and not yet discovered planets.
An entire new world to explore
To those, you must remember
To want to start a change
To bring awareness
And to end...
Just to begin again
To those who will start an awakening in minds willing to listen.

everything about me is sick.
maybe in the rad way i used to be,
or maybe i'm just ill.

there are worse things.
my body could turn on me
while my mind is going sour.

(my soul is rotting you can smell it on my breath.)

my eyes are always open
and life-
it isn't sweet enough.

sweat drips down my spine
and i shiver while someone
whispers hallelujah in the silence.

(i'm sorry but i am no longer a green girl. my leaves are turning brown.)

albert kamus is this
absurd enough for you:
loving and loving, running dry?

everyone says i'm not a waste
of the space
i've been occupying

but i dare not occupy yours.
you are too clean,
and god, am i sick.