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Nightflight to Venus

I am told
Man is from Mars
And
Woman is from Venus.

So perhaps that is why
We are different you and I.
You with your plans and dreams
That fly through space
Like a blazing comet.

Me fastened to the earth
Perhaps too rooted
In its safe soil.
But my heart has fallen
In love with you

And so
I must follow it
on its journey
To your planet.
For without you
the color and light
fade from
my home here.

So tonight
My heart and I
Will catch the next
Space ship to Venus
And as I learn
To exist in its strange
atmosphere.
I will know
It was you
Who brought me there.
You ignite a fire in my blood that nothing can quell,
for such a perfect angel, you're sure a lot like hell.
And alright I'll admit it, yes to you I lied,
but any hope of a future, well that's surely died.
So go right on and hate me, I'd hate me as well,
but I could never hate you back, if only you could tell.
what you're capable
of saying;

It is
what I'm capable
of believing.

(All poems original Copyright of Eva Denali Will © 2015, 2016)

Dear Mother and Father,*

        I spoke with Ali today. Maybe it was the first time in years. Maybe it was the first time that we’d ever actually spoken at all. Either way. She told me some things that I thought you should know.

Prostitutes, ******, what have you. They’re not born, they’re created.

         Focus on this. Your white picket fence. Your barbecue, your big family dog. Your pristine, rich neighborhood. Your uppity gossip. Your rules, judgements, “charity.”

         Behind your closed doors, however, dwells something else.

         Something like hypocrisy. Something like abuse.

Now focus on this.

         Ali: dark and brooding, even as a small child. Questioning all of your family values, the ones that I had merely accepted.

         My little sister, the ultimate judge, the supreme *****.

         Forbidden black fingernails, black hair; fingernails, which you forced pink, hair that you insisted blond. Friends that you deemed “greasy” and “unsavory”.

         Hateful, teenage Ali. Ditching classes to go off with boys. Returning home with track marks and glossy eyes. Sneaking out with no destination, if only to not be at the one place she couldn’t be herself.

         Home.

Now, this. That awful “it’s not to late to save your soul” camp. A reform jail. Holier than thou epithets. Squeaky clean repentance. A stockade full of higher authority telling her, “you’re wrong,” telling her, “we are going to fix you.”

         Brain washing robots with backhanded facades.

         Sad, scared Ali. It’s no wonder she chose to rebel, for all she knew of authority was hypocrisy.

         Not just you.

         Instead, a withered, sick janitor.

         The old man who brought her the food that they didn’t serve in the dinning quarters. Fresh fruit, chocolate, and cheese. Food to outweigh the everyday gruel.


         This lonely, forlorn man expecting compensation in return. ****** compensation; unimaginable and certainly ungodly acts.

         This Janitor, he would wander into Ali's room in the early hours of the morning. . . And vanish, several hours later.

        His pockets, empty. His heart, full.

         In this sick and twisted world, the janitor believed that love could exist anywhere. He believed that romantic relationships should not be constricted by something as trivial as age.

         And Ali, she had alternative motives, and compensated her innocence to reach them.

         This was, perhaps, the beginning of Ali's stark career.

         The *compensation of her soul.


         Or, perhaps, it was the man that picked her up next, as a desperate hitchhiker.

         Ali, who finagled the nun’s keys and escaped that ungodly place forever.

         Ali, who climbed into a sinister car with a pretentious man who warped her in more ways than one would even imagine.

         Penniless, solitary, and willing.

         But, think. What would you do with yourself if you had absolutely nothing and no one to lose?

         **Prostitutes, ******, what have you. They’re not born, they’re created.
(All poems original Copyright of Eva Denali Will © 2015, 2016)


.
You are the
        window
              to my pain
  Cloudy with
            no chance of clarity
      I can see
               how far
away you are
                    Out of focus,
           still hurting me
                      *so easily
Not everything that breaks is unusable, like my heart for example.
One birth our Savior had; the like none yet
Was, or will be a second like to it.
Holding back my tears
Seeing my world go by,
Trying not to cry on the edges of hell
No more sweet lullabies
Sounds of trains passing in my head,
could this be Freedom?
Or schizophrenia instead...
Laying in my bed
wishing I was dead
contemplating between pills and trigger
Who have I become?
I hold shame before myself in the mirror  
I admit I never actually faced my fear
I wonder if it is time to shed a tear...
Just one or two
Perhaps then the mind of me won't be so blue
This is a poem I wrote about my daily life with mental illness

I love you.

For only the second time, ever
have I confessed this
conundrum,
and yet.

I genuinely meant it.
I know you will break my heart someday.
WHO KNEW I EVEN HAD ONE?
And yet, I'm not scared. Because, no matter what.
You are, and will always be
worth it.

(All poems original Copyright of Eva Denali Will © 2015, 2016)
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