It is really my fault.
I let my emotions swim through all this.
I should have kept quiet.
I shouldn't have thought about it.
I tried convincing my heart that there's nothing more to this relation, but no my heart coincided with my mind and breathed out hope, hope that maybe just one day things will change we would be comfortable with being each others.
Seeing that we both know how the other is.
And everything will fall into place.
I always knew that it would not work, but my heart.
It saddens me that I'm divided into three and two, two overpower me they cloud my reasoning and judgement.
I really hope that things go back to normal.
That the balance remains.
Being emotional really *****.
There's no shallowness at least if it were present I would be laughing my *** out about this now, but no.
I won't lie.
I am actually hurt.
It is slowing sinking in that we want different things.
We view this differently.
Maybe if I was still younger I would consider this whole friends with benefts thing.
I am older now.
I can't settle for such an arrangement. I get attached easily.
I won't manage.

Everytime I think of relationships my soul dents
We are stuck in societies where boys' glistening hormonal hunger are mistaken for love

Where is the passion?
These days men have gone through underground classes about how to lure women into believing that it is all about love meanwhile their plan is to only get in between women's legs so that their ego is enhanced
He tells you how beautiful you are and gives you a full description of how you make his heart beat fast and his palms sweat
He tells you that only you complete him fully
And asks to meet up with him not even on a proper date like in the days of our parents
You go to his place and the setting screams : Pleasure!
He whispers all sweet nothings into your ears that excites your body and you believe that he truly loves you
Before you know he has gotten what he wanted and wants to get rid of you as soon as possible
The next few days he ignores you and texts you the next time he "misses" you
He types a long paragraph narrating how busy he has been and you fall for it again because of the effort he took to type a long *** raudy paragraph

Where is the passion?
Men no longer send you notes that circulated around the class when you were in 7th grade that read : " You look beautiful as the sky" " Yellow makes your eyes pop" " Mom taught me how to make lemonade I thought you'd love some" "I love you, yes or no"
They no longer secretly protect you from the bullies that always made fun of you in high school down the hall
They no longer want to know what your favorite book is and why
They do not pick flowers from Mrs A's garden to present to you
They don't make jokes about relevant matters
All they know is ****** jokes that downgrade your value as a woman
Men don't want to hear all about your day and the conversations you've had with your girls or the argument you had with your mother
They are all about your paradise
When they look at you they uncover and undress you in their minds
They measure the size of your ***** and behind

Where is the passion?
That boy from next door who always came over to study with you because he knows you need help with maths
That boy that your parents always saw as your elder brother who protects you from evil creatures
That boy that your dad would allow to take you to the movies because he is well behaved and has only blown a kiss to you
That young man who respects you and your values and is concerned with how you will achieve all your dreams

Where are all these boys who are now handsome men
Show yourself for we are exhausted of all these boys that are dressed in men's cloaks...

Young lady I urge you to rise up
Open your eyes and stand your ground
You are worth more than cliché pickup lines from the internet
You are a well crafted diamond
Have high standards that not just any man can approach you
Do not be loose
Your are the carrier of life
Make it clear that you do not entertain hormonal boys
You desire a man that will build an empire with you and raise your family with you in due time when you have achieved most of your dreams and his too
You are that backbone of this earth
Know your worth and do away with mediocre.