paint me with all those messy colors and broken brushes.
paint me with your rough hands and scrappy fingertips.
paint me with all your love and your regrets.
paint me in a dark room with uneven breath.
paint me with dried out lips and the tip of your tongue
paint me all night till you're halted by the sun.

countdown to the
nearest thirteen;
life on the red
satin ribbons seem
like fairy-tales in disguise;
dress you in laces and frills
like a string puppet;
the monster under my bed
will bring you down
with my consent;
here's a world
where skin is thicker
than leather when
you hold the blade;
'tis all the same for me;
rush of cold metal
on your skin
rush of cold metal,
blood on your lips;
live and let live
but **** or be killed;
here's a hypocritical
world of love;
psychedelic bewilderment
and what kills you
makes me stronger;
i'll fill my pockets
with your memories,
your darkest reflections
are but a confused
midnight kitten;
hold still, my sprightly love
while i paint you
onto my soul;
blood on canvas.

I just wish you were here with me
So my loneliness could just fade away
I just want to be happy with you
I just wanna show you off
You're just a work of art
Wanted by collectors to exhibit
I was merely an artist
That appreciated this work of art
Can we just.....

"no strings attached" hurts, but when your only other alternative is goodbye even you can make compromises to ease the pain
- no matter how much you tell yourself he wants to see you, all you're doing is etching the pain away into a ball covered in lies - he will message you when he wants, he will see you when he wants, and when he's busy, he's not thinking about you
- being nice will only get you as far as you let it, because eventually it'll lead you to sit in a chair and listen to the sound of your tears hitting a floor you used to lay down on
- on days when you're particularly down, the sun is truly a friend, because at least the heat helps you realize that you're alive and still breathing
- the only source of happiness comes from within, and moments of "maybe I can live without him" come a lot more frequently when you open yourself up to the beauty of the world around you -  a world previously overshadowed by him
- do all that you do for you and no one else, wear dresses and shorts, **** cellulite and insecurities, love life and love breathing and love your split ends because in the end it's only one life and living it to the fullest is truly what it's all about
- letting go of your fears will make you more wholesome [bugs are still scary, but the peak of tall mountains are there for the view and not the pain]
- never tell yourself something is impossible, because climbing up 10,000 feet seemed terrible to you but you did it and realized there is so much more to this huge world that you've never realized
- reminding your parents everyday you love them isn't something to be ashamed of because in a month you'll be living alone and that means no more of dads sandwiches and moms comforting talks
- don't worry about your appearance - having pimples is okay, dying your hair is okay, having stretch marks is okay... just be yourself and the rest will fall into place
- drama will be drama no matter where you are, but only you can let it get to you
- in the worst of times, calling up your best friend and laughing it off even when it seems impossible is really what will get you through another day