sixteen,
one six,
that's how old you were when you left us.
you didn't get to walk the stage with us,
or propose to your high school sweetheart.
you were sixteen.

i'm sorry i can't be strong like you want me to be.
my limbs feel heavier than my heart lately and it's hard to look at my friends without wanting to cry.
i still try to stand tall but it's hard today.
the massive lump in my throat got larger when my teachers asked me if i was okay.
because in all honestly,
no, i'm not.  
please hug me and tell me it's okay to cry.
tell me these tears running down my face will eventually stop.
tell me i'm strong enough to make it for two more years.
just less than 730 days and i'll be free.
i'm sorry i broke down today.
you have no idea how badly i wanted to fall when i stood up.
or how badly i wanted to run away from all of this.
i needed someone there,
i needed someone to hold my hand and tell me it's okay.

My Teenage years;
Teenage years with people saying 'sit down and shut up'
Teenage years with no one caring
Teenage years with physical abuse
Teenage years with razor blades
Teenage years with no mother
Teenage years with bottles of pills
Teenage years with ****** assualt
Teenage years with suicide attempts
Teenage years with no reason to live
Teenage years spent pining for what was lost.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton

I have this list in my mind
Of all the things I wish I had said
Numbered from the most important
To the frivolous passing sayings
A hello in the brisk morning light
Or a goodbye in the star filled sky

The list gets jumbled and muddled
As time moves forward without us
Knowing I had plenty of chances
To speak on behalf of my heart
But I held the words too close
Until they filled my head with thoughts of you

I say them out loud to myself
As if you were here by my side
But instead the words fall
With no one to catch them
And I’m left with my mouth open
As an “I love you” barely escapes my lips

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived