when someone sees your scars or cuts, do they really see?
do they see the metal pain, or do they see the physical pain?

when someone sees your blade do they see the metal that scars your skin, or do they see the words that scar your skin?

when someone sees your tears do they see your sadness, or do they see the demons running around your head causing pain where they step?

when someone sees your progress do they see you using coping skills and no cuts on your wrists, or do they see the feelings you fake and the cuts on your thighs instead?

Socializing is like driving
Some go a lifetime without learning how to do it

i won't be able to make it another year.
two days in and my entire soul and anything alive in me feels like it's been ****** out.
i refuse to let my mental health get bad again.
i can't let myself become the me i was before again.

I've lost faith in words
Words have so many meanings
You can't know what they really mean

Perfect.
Nobody's perfect
And yet
Everyone is

Loyalty.
Being able to tell them everything
All the lies that they don't know because it won't hurt them

Imaginary.
It's not real
Yet it's the most real thing in my life

I love you.
Not the whole you
Not the future you
The you right now
That is perfect.
That is loyal.
That has such an imagination

I've lost faith in words
So how do I know what you mean?
How am I suppose to tell you without you misunderstanding?
Easy.
Don't speak.

i feel myself falling deeper
as i look into your blue eyes.
i know i should look away,
yet something is telling me to stay.
my heart waits desperately,
thinking maybe something will happen.
but the stupid truth is that you don't see me.
you've never seen me.
i made up a life with you in my head,
replaying all the things my brain thinks you've said.
i know it's pathetic and i will admit it,
that i'm the fool.
i'm drowning as i wait here,
waiting for you to pull me out.
but you don't,
and you won't.
because i'm not the girl you want.
i see you with her,
you look happy.
all i've ever wanted was to see you smile,
so why does that smile make me so sad?
i feel foolish.
foolish for loving you.
foolish for wanting someone who will never want me.
but most of all,
i'm foolish for continuing to wait for you in hopes that you'll be foolish too.