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I want a love who
loves me dearly,
I want a love who
loves me well.
.
I want to be taken
by the hand,
I want to be guided
out of hell.
.
I want a heart that
is beating wildly,
I want a perfect match
for mine.
.
I want a flame that
lasts forever,
and slowly burns me
from the inside.
.
I want a dream that
goes on forever,
I want it to always
be the night.
I looked into my father's eyes
and they were frantic, panic-stricken,
pupils blown and all.
.
I looked down to my father's hands
and they were trembling, unsteady,
they reminded me of home.
.
I focused on my father's breathing
it was erratic, irregular,
it probably reminded him of his life.
.
I remember him wheezing out
"I think I'm dying, this is it."
trembling hands pressed against his chest.
.
And I kneeled down in front of him
my knees steady and unshakable,
and I hoped he was jealous.
.
I remember I looked at him and said
"No, father, this isn't your death
it's simply consciousness"
.
I can still taste the sick satisfaction,
the sly grin as I reckoned,
that those were probably the same for him.
I'll never forget the feeling of your tongue,
       like acid
               peeling off my skin.
Recently discovered a world of reason,
I am lost.
                
                  It's a world I can't understand.
I say less than half
of everything that I see,

          thus, silence is my hell.
We are not body,
We are not mind
Nor heart.
.
We are thoughts,
We are feelings
And ideas.
.
We laugh and cry,
We love....
And we hate.
.
We are our souls,
Its whims
We must follow.
.
This is my soul,
It's wishes
And I obey.
So, after a mild break down I am back, reuploading and writing again. As my soul has always wanted to.
I remember those final moments
as I watched her pack her bags,
emptying drawers and closets
whispering through the halls
her words lost in the corners.
.
And I walked up to her, slowly,
as one would approach a ghost.
But she moved away from my hand
and tears were in her eyes. I stood,
like a statue, blank, unmoving.
.
She asked me the point of dating a poet,
if poems about her never were made.
Words failed me then, standing at the door,
words more beautiful than her weren't real,
and neither was I a poet nor a lover by myself.
.
Oh, the irony! Even with her crying eyes,
in her goodbye, so much poetry was told!
I wanted to tell her the magic in her being,
and how I longed for her happiness.
.
I thought about telling her, that next to her
moon, stars and sun were just street lamps
That in her sadness lived contradiction
and that the tears made her eyes shine,
and my fingertips desperately yearned her.
.
I understand now, that she never saw
how I formed constellations with her kiss
and within her breath was my existence,
that with her, my soul grew wise and old.
.
I guess there were never stars in her eyes,
or melodies in her laughter that she recognized.
She never noticed me looking at her from afar
or when, without me talking, she heard me.
Maybe she never loved me in my anger.
.
But seeing her there, so ready to leave,
my universe compressed and expanded,
and with a kiss I wrote the poetry she wanted
and to her lips, as a goodbye, I whispered:
.
*Never say I didn't write you anything
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