I just want to scream.
I want to scream until my voice is lost.
I want the world to hear the pain I harbor.
I need to let go of every single feeling that suffocates me...
along with every emotion I'm holding back.
Because this heart can't take much more.
This body is beginning to fail me.
I'm not strong enough for this.
I'm not strong enough at all.

This heart of mine,
it's been through more than I ever imagined.
I never knew that growing up meant that I was preparing myself for war.
I feel like every bullet has been fired,
I've been shot a thousand times.
But every time I think that,
another round comes my way.
I feel like I've died and been revived,
over and over and over again.
I feel like this is my last battle.
If I lose this time,
my chances of being revived are very thin.
This heart of mine is just too tired to fight anymore.

I remember when you were always there for me.
You'd keep me safe at night.
You always kept my fears at bay.
I could always count on you.

Then one day everything began to change.
No matter what I did,
it was never enough to make you happy.
You were always angry with me.

Now I've just started to distance myself from you.
Because I'm tired of hearing about the same things over and over,
and feeling like a burden to you.
It hurts to much.

I wish you'd see how much I've tried to reach out to you,
and how many times I've tried to express that I miss you.
But you refuse to listen and I'm exhausted.
I can't keep doing this.

I feel like my hearts almost had enough.
After the lies,
the hurtful words,
and everything else...
I don't think it cant take much more.

My whole body can feel my heart reacting.
I get sick every night.
I can't eat.
I can't sleep.
When I do sleep, I just wake up every hour from nightmares.

I don't know how to recover from this anymore.
I've tried getting up,
brushing myself off.
But I just fall again.
I don't know how much more of this I can take...

What do you expect,
from a girl who has only known lies.
From a person who knows hurt
better than she knows herself.

She's heard every line,
every single false statement.
Then the apology that follows,
ever so simply.

Do you expect her to trust,
without any doubt?
Without quivering at the thought
that history could repeat itself.

She has seen light turn to darkness
so fast that it left her shaking.
She has been broken and bruised,
so much that her body aches without reason.

And you expect her to smile,
to laugh,
to relax,
and to trust with no fear?

Then that is what she will try to do.
Because she will not fall.
She will not be beaten down.
She will get back up and dust herself off once again.

Because when she loves,
she loves with everything she has.
She is willing to give everything for the ones she loves.
She is willing to forgive.

Even if she loses herself in the process.

Built in a home that pretends to be perfect,
I was destined for destruction.
I remember screaming at the top of my lungs,
"I HATE THIS!"
You all wonder where my issues came from.
I always thought I was born with anxiety and insecurities,
but now I understand where everything went wrong.
Because when you were suppose to be the one to encourage me,
you were the one to tell me everything that was wrong with me.
I blamed myself for so long...
and so did you.
You still do,
You always will.

I don't understand what you want from me.
Do you want me to be gentle and kind all the time,
or tough and defensive?
Do you want me to act like a lady,
or a young girl with a wicked sense of humor?
Do you want me to be comforting,
or to give you your space?
I'm getting so many mixed signals.
None of it makes sense.
Tell me what you want,
and I will be that for you.