i know now that you're long gone
from the tight grasp we once held each other in

we were kids. i get that.
young and naive, gullible as to what our friends say.
with a distorted image of love
because of the movies we see on the screen

the first time we whispered our i  love  yous
it was awkward until our giggles filled up the air
and that's when i knew i spoke the truth

when you left me alone, you never said good bye
you were literally just gone
you left my heart in a distinct contortion
and that's when i felt such desperation

To the first boy I've ever loved,
When you come across this poem,
Don't hesitate, you know **** well that it's about you.
Cause the only thing you've taught me is
Forever isn't true.

I miss you
With the intensity
Of a thousand
Burning suns

Your absence
It crushes me
With the weight of
A thousand tons

At some point
And in another perspective,

I missed him

I still misses him,
Even though i know that he's not worth it,

My heart still misses him.

But my brain's telling me what to do,
This time
I'm going to follow it.

No.
To them, i should always be the quiet, sweet classmate.
I shouldn't be found out, my identity as a poet with loud and brutally honest words.
To them, i should always be the obedient, happy daughter.
I shouldn't be found out, my soul weeping at their fights.
To them, i should be a normal, boring college student.
I shouldn't be found out, my great aspirations and my dean's lister's grades.
To me, i should be whoever i want to be.
But i can't find myself and figure it out.

Tell her she's beautiful
Make sure you tell her every day
Even if she's in her sloppiest sweats and her baggiest sweater
Tell her she's beautiful
And mean it
She won't believe you
But never stop reminding her

Do your best to make her laugh
God she's beautiful when she's laughing
The way her nose wrinkles and her eyes squint
And when she shows that smile
You'll wish she'd never stop

Hold her tight when she cries
She hates showing it
When she has no one else be the one to hold her together
Make sure she never breaks
Squeeze her tight
Let her mascara ruin your shirt
Kiss her on the head let her know
It's going to be okay

She'll wake you up from naps
Just because she wants to spend time with you awake
She'll call you when she's drunk
Because she doesn't know whats going on and needs to hear your voice
She's going to love bothering you
All because she thinks it's cute when you're mad

She makes funny noises at the most inappropriate times
And she dances around the house and pretends to know what she's doing
She's a child sometimes I swear
But you'll learn to love it

Pick her up and kiss her
Kiss her
Like it's the last time
Every time
Look into her eyes
God she has gorgeous eyes
When you try she'll look away because she's shy
But should you get the chance
You'll fall deeper every time

Remind her you love her
And show her with every way possible
Sometimes she'll doubt it
But that's never an excuse to stop
Do whatever you can to put the doubts to rest

She can be a handful
Sometimes a bit too much
But never let her go

Sincerely
A painful memory

I remember we were in your car
and you told me how
you didn't understand one night stands anymore
because now I'm here
and you don't see a need for someone else.
I remember feeling
a sense of want
and gratitude for being
and I held your hand
and choked back tears.

That was two weeks ago.
Now
sitting on my bed
I see those words
"I don't think I can love right now"
and now there are tears in my eyes.
"I'm sorry"
Is this how you felt?
I'm sorry Alex.
With nobody in my bed
and nobody to go to
I'm sitting under the covers
with tear stained sheets
matted hair
and clutching my phone.
You were my comfort
and now you don't need me.

i loved you quietly for years.
i didn't know i loved you or how much in fact that i was in love with you.
i should have guessed
when i started feeling dizzy when you would walk in a room.
or when my heart would skip a beat or two when you looked my way.
i should have guessed when i thought so hard for so long
about the moments our paths would cross.
and no matter how many times i told myself to look at you, to face you
my head bowed down at the second we would brush by each other
a habitual action of fear
of missing you and refusing to look at the face of lost love

now i see how much energy was put into holding myself back from loving you
and it makes sense as to why it was so difficult
i forced myself to look away from your speckled green eyes
i told myself not to love you, never to allow myself to love you.