Let me show you how important you are;
                                                            ­                                                     *Kiss me.

"Tame your dragon"
My teacher says...
Can I refuse this assignment?
Make a plan
she instructs...
My plan is to slowly self destruct.
But I don't think that's what you want.
Can I be honest
and say
that today
is not the day,
nor was yesterday,
that I honestly want to change?
I know I should
but I don't really know what to say...
tomorrow, maybe
I'll consider starting.
But it might just be
a distant tomorrow
cuz today my plan is relapsing.

I'm grateful today
to be able to say
that I know I have a future,
begging me to stay.
Because otherwise
I would having nothing preventing me
from acting on my desire
to die...
Today I want to live
because in the morning the sun will rise
in the eastern sky,
and rise high
lighting up the darkness in life
or something.
I want to live to watch it set
one more time
to watch the night
come alive
as my monsters become less silent...
and only then, do I want to die.
But I don't jump
trying to fly
Because I know that I can't,
because I know that the sun will rise.
at least one more time.
And I know
that some day
It's going to rise
so high
that it consumes everything in sight.
I know
that some day
it won't set again.
Some day, I can say goodbye
to the night sky
and my monsterous mind.
So I'll just hold on tight.

I feel protected
from any harm;
But I know better
I'm not safe in these arms.

My mind has been warped
twisted and turned
like taffy in a candymaker's careful claws.
but this candy that I tried
isn't as sweet in my mind.
sugary sweet poison;
That's all it is.
Delicious and dreadful and deadly.
But oh how it tastes...
It's bittersweet some days.
I can't explain.
And it's an addiction
a love hate relationship
(a contradiction)
and I think I'm fighting it
but truthfully
I don't want to be.
I want to give in
and binge
on the sweet delicious taste
of my awful bitter disgrace.

I'm trying to be that fighter
that you all expect out of me
I'm trying to smile brighter
So you don't see
that this life
kind of feels like
it's burning a hole inside of me.
That I can't see
one step ahead for anything.
I'm hoping you don't actually see
the scars that are so obviously
A work of my own artisrty.
I'm hoping that you don't see
that I'm falling apart at the seams...
But I cant decide
if I want to fight...
I know I want to win the war
but I don't know much if I want to actually fight it anymore.
Daily
things are thrown at me
and I don't know how I'm supposed to cope with these things.
And sometimes it's not even my own battle that I'm fighting.
But either way
It's all the same.
Every day.
A war that I'm waging.

I didn't think much
of the way flowers wilted
until I watched you fade slowly out of my life
It was like watching the hands on a clock
Except these hands were knives
And soon enough
Our time had come
And you were cut from my life
I think I understand the sky now
And how it longs to touch the earth
But it can't
Because it would destroy
What it loves the most
Lately my mind has wandered
I'm not so sure of where it goes
But it always comes back
With bits of you
To pour into my thoughts again
I watched a train race by at midnight
My thoughts grabbed at you again
I don't think I've ever held you as tightly
As when I'm only remembering you

[holyoak]

i'm stuck in traffic
during a rain storm
in the middle of the night 
and i'm subtly reminded 
of when you stopped 
holding my hand 
as much as you used to
the cracks in the windshield
remind me of us
i cross another county line
and i think it's just like you
same place
new name
my veins are power lines
running through this ghost town
i'm so full of electricity 
but no one taps into it
i guess i'm useless
it's been a long time
since i've seen anything special
in the shapes of the clouds 
i don't think hurricanes
know that they destroy so much
maybe that's why you don't know
that i'm in this kind of pain
the cracks in my windshield 
are getting bigger
i think it's going to shatter soon 
could you imagine
the window shattering
and the glass coming at me
as i'm speeding
down this dark and rainy road
i don't have to imagine
i've already met you

[holyoak]