when the night arrives

not a whisper or a word
not the wind not a bird
just the turning from light into dark
why is it that light has no sound
yet makes us hear more clearly whats around
for fear it comes and sadness too
emotions play
*when the night arrives

I like hamlet of old
Yearn for the joy untold

To be or not to be
The me they need to see

I am trying so hard
But hope seems so far

I am like hamlet of old
Yearning for joy untold

I'm not green
I'm not red
I'm not orange
I'm not brown
I'm not yellow
I'm not black
I'm not purple

I am blue

as i've grown
on my own
all i've known

through the years
all the tears
so many fears

i am tired
i am scared
i am alone

I was happy before I met you. Content with how my life was. And then you made me happier.. Happier than I had been in years.. I could have feelings for someone again. You taught me to feel and then broke me for my feelings. Then fixed me again. Broke me after. Fixed me. Broke me. Fixed me.. And then dropped me for good.. Like I was some toy in your game. You once accused me of leading you on, of not telling you things.. All along it was you. You blindsided me. I told you how I felt every single time. But you were never honest with me.. Not really.. And now you're okay. But I'm not. And I won't be for a long time.

When the day comes that I settle down.
I don't want it to be in some forgotten town.
I want to be remembered for what I've done..
And I want to be able to tell my son..
That his dad was strong.
That he stood his ground.
That he had no fear. Of a raging crowd.
I want to be proud of my efforts here.. I want him to know that I had no fear.

The pain is worse than ever and I'm starting to doubt that trying is even worth it anymore. So long ago it was all joy but the joy faded to where it is now.

Yet you still bring me happiness.. How..
Loving you is the only escape I have ever had and though it hurts I relish the chance to feel.
Will I be okay..
Will it all be worth it some day..