Dear Me,

I got your letter today
Two years late.
I knew it was you from the handwriting
The same barely legible sprawl, half formed letters made in rush
Trying to transcribe your thoughts to page before their gone

You asked a lot question.
I got the impression that you couldn’t find any answers of your own
Sensed the hope as you in turn asked me.
It concerns me how much you yearn
However, I have no solution still.
So sorry for my lack of contribution.
We will have to pass them on again.

If I were you, I’d dismiss that list
That consisted of regrets passed
Yet, you never did forget.
I say let bygones be bygones
Don’t fret over them, making you sweat.
They feel dominating, and absolute
But these are merely antonyms
For what they really are.
Surely you can see pass these phantom pains.
I’ll spare you the apophthegm ‘It gets better’
For you will see yourself

There are some things you cannot save
No matter how hard one tries.
There are some things you shouldn’t save.
You will have to learn when which is which

Hindsight makes all the difference
Might you had it
And not the hindrance of self-pity and lethargy
What happened to yesterday’s energy?
Went into the sprawl and lost it all did we?

Don’t worry, that source hasn’t dried up
Blurry days await you, died I didn’t and neither will you.
Find yourself. Company can help.
You don’t have to be alone.
You always have me
(As narcissistic and cliché as that sounds)

You got to beware of isolation.
Neutrality tends to dull the world
Numbing yourself from the agony
I don’t need to remind you of them
That’s what memory is for.

But do you want to know what I think?
I think the world is great
There is so much possible joy to be found
Love to be shared and happiness to feel.
Books to read, plays to see. Poems to write.
Stay awhile with good friends
And you’ll know what I mean.
Remember our other good friend Edith?
She said La Vie En Rose
There is good in everything,
Forget about half full half empty glasses
Be glad for the glass and what ever is in it.
If You could just wear rose tinted glasses you'll see.
And then look in the mirror and see a clearer image.

What will be will be
And you’re going to be fine
When things get rough and you’ve had enough
Take a break and have a coffee with me.
When you are ready, you can start again.
You won't have all the answers
'Cause you won't need them.
Even then, you’re going to be fine.

Until next time,
Mizpah.

Wander through the city
Stray of the streets
Stay down the lanes
Going to where ever is boppin'
Follow the music that's poppin'
Don't be defined by the main street
Find divine alley ways
Far from the sound of feet
Play pool with no white ball all night
Or board games by candlelight
Walks along the harbour
With friends for armour
Do what you want, I suppose
But don't be afraid to oppose the common
Go where you want and
Find your own lane to haunt

All my walking and talking leads
Me to the shore but what for?
Dawning on me is the morning light
Streaks of gold breaking over the horizon
Instead of being awed, I am only tired
Eyelids heavy, pulled down by dark bags
Life, slowly seeping out.
Spilling into the sea
Dying it red.

I've been awake for too long
I waited too long for nothing to arrive
And now these bags weigh me down
Little dark anchors
Bringing me down into
The murky waters of fatigue
Even in the darkness
I can still see those dark eyes of Mel
Glimmer, like stars shining darkly over me.

Out of reach of Sleep's long hands
Only got scratches and yawns
But tides change and so does time
And time has caught me by the neck
Drowned me like a terrible fish
Maybe now I can close my eyes
And avoid the world and its thought
I've wasted too much time on thinking
Useless emotions.
Too much time crying
But trying all the same

So Sleep,
I greet you like a welcoming friend and
I hope you'll stay around for a bit.
I will remain unlit till you do leave so
I close my eyes.
Fall beneath the waves.
The lights go out.
The moment has come, the end.
There is no finality, only dissolution.

memory comes knocking on wood
mocking my childhood wild neighbourhood
withstood flinching nostalgia after all this time
lynching at the alpha crime in my mind
for not wanting
to clinch, to cling,to cringe on the past, old cast.
Watch as it passed with a blast at last.
I wonder if it was some test but I detest test they stress me out.
No doubt I rather go questing for my destiny be the best me I can.
But I can't cause I am discontent, all spent no cents,
feels like I'm bent and dent without my consent
I'm sorry to vent, but does represents me in the best light?
Slight blight on society ignore my anxiety Mr Bigotry
tried to be bigger tree towering over me,
think you're some oak but it's hoax
soon you'll choke on your smoke as you take that last croak
while I leave you burning with my words
afterwards nothing but ashes and burnt branches.

Then what? I lashed out with an aged rage
But methinks this does not change anything.
and that's the sting.

Only lonely love is holy.
Holes for souls to go out
And about as they sway.
Fewer newer ones that
Never stay. Gone they are
Shooting stars. Flying by
Quick tears of cosmic crying.
Or maybe angels at angles
Not thought possible.

I want lovely love.
Holy unlonely love.
Seen enough seraphic stars
To mimic my own. Fill my
Hole-y heart so I may start anew.
Receive the love due. I must believe
The wait is worth it. The earth keeps
turning and I weep as learning
Earns me the truth.

On a clear waking night I
Will take my aching heart
And hold it out hoping
A stray teardrop
Will fall from the sky
And stay in my heart.
Cosmic crying at such
Comic timing. It is enough
To make me wonder. Ponder
Why I do this-

It is all I can do.