Pain is sometimes better than emptiness.

It reminds you that you're not yet dead.

I bite my cheeks down until my mouth foams with blood and saliva.
Intentionally or not, I love the copper taste.
My eyes can only see the normality of it all.
But to others, I look like I need help.

I grit my teeth until they crack and fall out of my lips.
The blood gushes out, **** I can't get enough of this.
This pain that my body seeks to self destruct.
It's harmful pleasure that emits from my nerves.

I chew at the sides of my mouth as it leaks out with blood.
So bittersweet, I can't believe my body produces this.
I guess it's just me trying to calm my nerves.
I can't stop shaking while I type these words.

I scratch my left hand until I peel off the skin.
Through my muscle tissues and my leaking red veins, I can see the end.
I feel my eyes go wide and turn crazed.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just a mess, okay?

I dig my finger nails deep into my palms.
Little crescent like shapes of a blood red moon.
I feel like I have the world in my hands.
But is it dangerous to give that power to an insane man?

I punch erratically until my knuckles turn blue and red.
Licking off the residue of blood stained cement.
I feel the adrenaline rushing through me.
Punching the ground until my skeleton gets a taste to.

I slit my arms to perfect red dotted lines of 11.
There's a specific reason for that number.
But it's a secret you'll never find, so I just laugh.
While you watch me split my skin in half.

I bite my lips until they to begin to bleed.
If I do this enough, maybe I won't have to ever speak.
I **** until my lips turn dry.
And I penetrate through my skin with my teeth once again.

I chew my nails down to the core.
Watching the red water bleed through the cracks of my fingers.
The stinging sensation that makes my chest tense.
But floods my face with a warm, bright red.

The demons have already chewed down to my bones.
It's slow, but painful, but I love their tongue sliding on my flesh.
Sinking their teeth to rip me to shreds.
And so I bite down more and savor the taste.

you know when you're broken when
nothing makes sense anymore
why do we do anything when we're all gonna die anyway
why do we get close to people when they're always gonna leave

no one is going to be there for you forever so what's the point of getting close to anyone
what's the point in showing all your love and affection to someone when all they're gonna do is hurt you

why do we try in school when what all school gives to us are depression and sadness
why do we work so hard to succeed in life when we're all gonna die one day
and we will all be forgotten one day, its inevitable

you know you're broken when the only thing that makes you happy is
stolen bottles of *****
the tiniest bit can go a far way
when smoking **** makes you smile and laugh more than you ever have in your life
when drugs and alcohol are the only things that make you happy

you know you're broken when you don't love or hate anyone
and you don't care enough to do so
you don't care enough to do anything anymore
just waiting until the beautiful day you die

and when that day comes you'll be the happiest

that's how you know you're broken

Maybe if I was dead they'd listen
They'd understand just a little bit more
So by tears pouring down and me wearing a constant frown,
Tears welling up in my eyes and I want to say goodbye
To have peace and tranquility
I often can't vent to others, as it will turn into the same line over and over
Almost like a stutter
Get this voice out of my head
This monster controlling my mind
Making me blind to the goodness of the one who claims they love me
Blinding me with words others have said from my past
And at last it swallows me whole
A hole in my heart
Tearing me apart
I often just want to feel at peace
My mind at ease
But that feels impossible
As this world is difficult to please.
Put my mind to ease,
A gun to my head
My depression forcing this black hole to get bigger and bigger
Take off the safety and pull the trigger.

Tranquility.