When you left for a reason
I said, “I understand.”
But actually, I don't.
My fault, I regretted.
Still thinking why,
Overthinking.

I love you
More than myself
Sacrificed all I have
I thought, “I’ll be fine.”
Missing your arms now
Feeling cold and blue.

Your smiling face
I'm missing it so much
Looking at your photos
Can't remember how many times
Where are you now?
Are you coming back?

I'm patiently waiting here
Even there’s a little or no assurance
for you to come back.
I'm still under your spell
still blinded by your words.

Someone’s telling me I'm dumb
For believing your promises
I love this illusion you gave me
Don’t wake me up until I figure out
The truth that you already left me.

God once gave sinners a chance
So, who am I to be stingy?
How much chances I need to give?
I'm already insane
Insanely in love with a fool.

I did not ask for it but you came;
Just like a shining armor, out of the grey.
You gave me a warm smile,
that I just can't get used to as the days go by.
A smile, that I thought was just for mine.

The times with you, it wasn't long enough.
But enough, to end my night like a diamond, that brights.
All the memories you gave,
Did not shatter until this day.
I saw you.

I saw you with a new one.
You wore the same smile.
The smile you had when I was that one.
I thought there was something,
I thought I was special.

Love
Profound feeling for another
A caring, trying thing
Love is patient, love is kind
No
Love is wanting what is not mine

Love is giving and getting less
Love is never a second guess
To love is to give another all of you
It is holding nothing back

Love
Love is a feeling you gain and you try to never lose
You keep love
You keep it and you lock it somewhere safe
And then you swallow the ******* key

It's not you that I'm scarred by.
It's the relationship we had which scarred me.

Why does he love me?
He deserves so much more
I can’t give him anything
I have nothing
I am nothing
Why me?
Why’d he choose me?
He could just want to waste time
No,
Why would he waste time for so long?
I wish I could give him more
He does too much for me
I love him
But am I holding him back,
From his real true love?
Are we going to last?
I can only give him my heart
Which isn’t much
Considering how much
It’s been broken
I’ve dealt with loss
So much loss
I can’t deal with more
What if he leaves?
What will happen to me?
I need him
But does he need me?

You did a hell of a good job convincing me that you love me.

*What a fool I was to believe.

I am maintaining an FB account
Posting intellectual stuff only,
Things that stir the mind of my social-networking friends
By this, they will perceive me as a deep person

I am an usher in a Christian church
Giving my biggest effort to serve,
Accommodating and presentable as possible
For people to think that I am mature

I have my own network of friends
Where I can express hope, faith, and love
(In times of despair and grief, at least make it
sound that you are overcoming it)
To portray that I am reliable, independent, and a man of faith

But here in our secret place
Everything is authentic, real, and sincere
Sugarcoating exists no more
Vulnerability and honesty surely steal the show

The moment I lock the door and open the bible
And we start a conversation
I know for sure that I cannot fake it
What do you expect from Someone who can see your inner being?

This time, without a doubt, I am free
To tell everything without the fear of being judged
To argue without the feeling of being condemned
To cry and accept that I am desperate and needy

No wonder I love our time, in this secret place
A time for unbelief and faith
A time for loathing and worship
A time to be Nixen