WickedHope

WickedHope Sep 2021

Your whispers follow me
Tickling my soul
The same way your face
Tickled mine when
You didn't shave

I don't remember
How your arms felt
Keeping me wrapped up
And held together against you
I'm falling apart
You aren't here
To help gather my pieces

Your laugh still plays
Like a broken record
A repeating track
Creaky and fading with each replay
When it stops
Then you'll really be gone

#love #loss #pain #memories #lover #past #home #alone

WickedHope Sep 2021

Nobody Ever Seems To Know What I'm Talking About

You laugh
My anxiety strangles me
You laugh
I am too big taking up too much room
You laugh
I long for days when nothing I did mattered

You leave
I wish I could go too

I miss KB and 2am, looking at me and reading my mind.

#anxiety #choke #crazy #depression #anorexia #leave #escape

WickedHope Sep 2021

Playing Operation On The Bathroom Floor. Drunk.

Here I am again
Cracked and broken
Heart ripped open
By the claws on the ends of my fingers
They are never coated in blood
A tidy sort of chaos
A mess-less, gutless dissection
Hollow space resides within
Emptied of everything
Shall we count the scars
Or will that bore you
To hear of the surgeries that came before
The operations and treatments
Self directed and self prescribed
By a med school dropout
Disgusting derelict defect
Split neatly into near halves
Tethered by a final pathetic stitch
That I am longing to rip
Free

I hate myself.

#pain #hurt #healing #suffering #hate #operation #failure

WickedHope Sep 2021

Remeber When You Burned Me Your First Time Trying Fire Play With A Pyrophiliac?

Let the flames lick over my skin
Until my eyes roll back in my head
Cause you know I like the pain
Tip my head back as the demons crawl out
And their ink mingles in with the burns
The cartography on this canvas
Is littered with ashes and holes
Caught in wildfires and never spared or unscathed
Unleash the heat and I'll be engulfed in your rage
I like the way you hit me
Each scorching breath you take hitting my face
Choking on the smoke I caress the blaze
Razor sharp yet soothing to sink into
Drown me in this inferno
Cause you know I like the pain

Burning flesh never smelled as sweet as you and me.

#fire #burn #pain #******* #love #lust

WickedHope Sep 2021

Being Dark, Sourly Morbid

Tie me up
Leave me
Hang me
**** me
When it ends
Maybe
I'll choke
On the
Noose
Around my neck
When it ends
Maybe
I'll choke
You choke me
But
Never enough
I keep breathing

I literally cannot take this.

#life #selfhate #selfharm #**** #*** #depression

WickedHope Sep 2021

Crocodile Tears And Fake Ruby Earings

They say girls like something shiny
And that may very well be true
Bigger is better but I'll take tiny
No matter the size I'll make do

Of course I have my favorites
Or those meant for special occasions
Getting dolled up I want to savor it
Adorning myself prematurely for my sins

Perhaps they get jealous of each other
So maybe I'll take them all out for display
They sparkle perfectly making me stutter
Stroking each longingly before we play

When I get this numb I know I'm supposed to be scared but I don't remember how.

#shine #jewel #beauty #ruby #silver #pain #blood #numb #selfharm #cut