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Nov 2019 · 41
Untitled
Kkø Nov 2019
Oh, how we became
from the solace seeking dead of winter

when there was warmth in numbers and maybe comfort hid there too.

For you
I could burn down the densest of cities with the lingering you abandoned
inside me, there is a gift tied tight
holding never-ending
full bodied
memory
Oct 2019 · 165
I know you
Kkø Oct 2019
I’ve known you more

than the underside of your tongue

wet, reckless, and longing

I recite your anger with sure lips

before yours even part.



We memorized each other bare-******,

soaking palms

we don’t touch anymore.

The silence just bleeds

Staining the empty sofa

No longer our worn place of comfort.



We are asking for one another with greedy jaws

loosened with halfhearted declarations

and it is not enough.
Oct 2019 · 58
The Pedestal
Kkø Oct 2019
You wonder how fairytales

could lead you so astray

you hurt yourself on the jagged softness

of bloodied knuckles against your cheek.

Turn the page on the brightest star

as it implodes unheard, without consequence

I built you up in my mind

far too close to heaven

wrapped tightly in the flammable

unpredictable.

We didn’t burn together.
Sometimes we love people more in theory than practice.
Jun 2019 · 309
Morning Service
Kkø Jun 2019
The choir concludes the service

We are eyes closed, air drawn to hands raised.

They sing because they happy

back in church

With bodies

always with bodies

Someone is screaming, tongue defying hymn

And yes, how far away we are

I miss him too.

His voice always singing familiar

haunts trumpet blaring

Sunday mornings.

Dark eyes and skin, wide smile, no teeth.

Fearless at 5 singing gospels with no concept of holding tight to strength in the lyrics. My ancestors and their ancestors. Am I listening?

I lose myself in years. I am not

Singing anymore. These chords have twisted themselves into the back of songs, I am

Writing, not singing or speaking.

Cottonmouth. I am sitting staunch against pews, leaning into worn piano keys. Foundation stains, and eyes watching, chestnut brown like mine. G in the key that breaks into silence. I hear a hymn being hummed, bacon cooked and waiting.

Memory tells me it is time to open my mouth

I sing 'cause I’m free.
Feb 2019 · 84
space and time
Kkø Feb 2019
My speakers miss the slow cracking rasp of your voice
and I know I’m not supposed to talk about the tears
or what happens to our hearts once we break them ourselves.

It comes to be a question of belonging
there is a space within you
perfectly build for me to sink inside,
where I hear your voice wistfully say my name

a space that you’ve guarded not emptied.

Now we are the detriment,
in the question of belonging.
There is a space between the soft flesh of my chest,
beyond the cracking of my ribs.

Inside of me, there is a space built for you
sometimes I keep myself there too.
Dec 2018 · 218
barter / happiness
Kkø Dec 2018
it was early on

I found your kindness laying between my thighs

your love was barren and no

I couldn’t fill

a sideways heart spilled out

contents burning every inch of

me

your intimacy touched

giving the pieces of myself I never

cared to part with

left me empty and you

overflowing.
Nov 2018 · 282
breathin'
Kkø Nov 2018
Most days are filled with unearthing
The feeling of

I am enough.

And then there are days, never-ending

days, and days,

and days.

I am breathing and that is enough.
Oct 2018 · 80
Modern Myth
Kkø Oct 2018
I never knew a heart could bend
so far without breaking.

You never knew love
without indiscriminate taking.

We are what myths
strive to be.

A lovers’ journey
dissolved to
valiant tragedy.
Sep 2018 · 389
The burning
Kkø Sep 2018
Bow your head and drown out the voices.

This is the word. I say to you and your lips alone.

“Kerosene never smelled so appealing as it did that day

we loved under the mask of fumes.”

Dizzy and lost. Our eyes shut to the heat of firestorms.

Between us, we were burning.
Sep 2018 · 78
Bloody Battle
Kkø Sep 2018
They act as if survival has not been its own battle. I am living
with accusations
clawed into my flesh
by my own body.
hurt
Sep 2018 · 115
The Calm
Kkø Sep 2018
Placating to your storms
I temper the heat with unresolved tension.

Disintegrate your body into mine
It’s been so long since we’ve been one.
Missing you felt so cold.
Breathing you in like patience

To let this go
no more hiding in secret places.
There is no safe haven.
You are everywhere and nowhere at all.
Sep 2018 · 163
You are worthy of this life
Kkø Sep 2018
You have been hurting since your body took root.
Anguish has taken
tangible form
gatekeeping your healing.

You are worthy of peace
and empathy,
and so much love.

I hope you stay to feel it.
I hope you stay
Sep 2018 · 379
Birthday
Kkø Sep 2018
I fear my turning
as it has been without disparity
or admittance to healing. With a closed fist, I scream my agony
Into trembling hands. Still a spectator
not a comfort, on my own. I hold within
inherited strength from ancestors not yet raised
passed my groaning ribs. I live in fear  
of my birth. Setting lose the creature,
I welcome its hopefulness.
Aug 2018 · 335
Measure Me
Kkø Aug 2018
Measuring the ways in which

I disappear

Mind, Soul, Body.



When asked to tether myself to thoughts

that anchor fear onto bare ankles

balancing the edge of diving boards

leading the way to calming chlorine.



A sideways home filled with

emptied liquor cabinets and screaming doors.

Silencing words before they reach

the underside of my babbling tongue.



If you ask the heart why it self-destructs

Forgets to beat, forgets to hush.

The cause of the ringing in your ears

You mistook for love.



Vanishing girl

floats to the bottom, then

bites her tongue, and falls in love.

She falls in love.

She falls in love.
Jul 2018 · 262
Revive
Kkø Jul 2018
It was in the death of autumn

when Bravado came to me

as a lover.

Warning me not spare you

courtesy.


Disdained for leaving you hissing

through my garden like a snake,

spewing venom into thorns

for the way, I’ve taken back my life.


I’ve been revived in a skin

you cannot claim.

Do not bother searching this soil.

There’s nothing in me

left for you.
Kkø Jul 2018
Reckless words serve their purpose.

You leave, bandage up cracks.

Never speak of it again.

It happens again,



again,

again.



Honesty. The free will you forgot

escapes on its own accord.

A beautiful day with your mother.

A drunken tryst with a friend.

Once you speak it

those chipped pieces of self

shift reliving moments

worse than their inception.



There’s healing in the breaking.

Lingering pain that opens doors,

opens mouths, opens hearts.

You speak his sins

as if they are yours to repent,

to forgive

And forgive,



forgive yourself.



Don’t let them call you weak for staying

so long after it began.

It is always the same ‘they’ who saw the signs

and did not offer the kindness of a hand.



I hope you know

the strength of your light still existed

when it was kept within.
Kkø Jun 2018
I am finally being forced to deal
with limitations, my mind has set.

So, what does that mean?
I spent a life of heavy determination, littered with no’s
Fighting my body while it screamed that I’d do it anyway.
And I did.
I was astounding, gregarious,
Fearless.
Momentum passed brain chemistry.

This ‘no’ is different.
And it’s lingering
And it hurts.
There is no work harder and achieve.
There is no scream and endure.
There is no getting around this.

No one cares if I get stable
No one cares if I medicate.
It’s a no, that stays a ‘no’
No matter if I promise to change.


I deal
and I have no choice,
but to pull my head out of falling embers.
This residual loss, I watch
my dream as it shatters.
Fading flames can’t catch my attention.
Barely an adult,
and I am carrying around a life sentence.
Jun 2018 · 638
Ashes
Kkø Jun 2018
I buried my heart
within a dying star
and called the burning
love.
Kkø May 2018
Never knew how hard
the sun works to warm
the earth
until I felt my grandmother’s
firm hands tremble in mine
as we held each other tight
until we could free
a smile.
Apr 2018 · 137
I remember you
Kkø Apr 2018
I still carry
phantom memory
of deceptive joy
heavy in my womb.

I keep with me
what you’ve been able to discard
into incoherent stories
crafted from my absence.

Bone creaking silence recites,
“The body does not forget
it scars,
it heals."
Apr 2018 · 296
Blow out the candles
Kkø Apr 2018
Burning fingertips

on the wax of candles

from birthdays

I want to wish you

and your presence

missed, dissipating.



Your memory is aging.

Waiting for you

make a wish.
Kkø Apr 2018
Artists cut from clashing fabric.


We spoke in vibrant, fading colors
baby blue and forest green.


Inherent distance
land and sea.


You aren’t brave enough
                                     to tread my ocean.
I have no interest
                                    in climbing trees.
Apr 2018 · 265
HomeSick
Kkø Apr 2018
They said the warm weather
and good vibes would
save the frigid /
inconsolable / lost
cause

want for a new life.

We are still cold and lonely.
We are still searching for heat.
Apr 2018 · 114
Starring Role
Kkø Apr 2018
Like a curtain my straightened hair hides

me in its second act

Covering the understudy

set to take my place.

A performance of me, who is not me,

body dressed up and acting.

In the pews,

Ma, and Pop, waiting to be proud

accomplishments I claim, but reject.

Afraid I didn’t earn

how I am seen to a crowd.

My hair curls to

humidity that

chases a curtain call.

I bend at the spine with a smile
Apr 2018 · 203
Coming Up For Air
Kkø Apr 2018
You are that first gasp of air,
the relief in resuscitation.
The only reason I’d ever dream
of breaking the surface.

Eyes to the sun, drifting
towards settled land.
I’m breathing on my own now 
but you don’t seem to care.

Backs to the water,  
float arms out to the heavens.  
This is the first of few days
I haven’t thought about drowning.
Apr 2018 · 114
The Funk
Kkø Apr 2018
You are not stuck.
Have you not woken this morning to a new day?
Your mind thrives on each new thought.
You are born an idea of hope
gifted to this world,
with guidance
and the freedom
to choose who you are.
                    
Who you will follow
        Who you will lead.

You are not stuck.

You are building everything
that you were meant to be.

— The End —