I just wanna say thank you to those that have supported me
And not left like several others that think my pain is funny
I don't know if I'd be here we're it not for those who care
And my understanding of your kindness is what I wanna share

I looked down on myself and considered myself worthless
For all my little flaws that added up and made me 100% imperfect
And it was you guys that hung around and cheered me up when I was down
The select few capable of creating a smile from my frown

You work your magic with such ease
I guess it's just your expertise
How you did it remains a mystery
And though I search I cannot see

But perhaps it's just meant to be
That happiness is your speciality
And I thank you for your loyalty
And sticking around when I was down on me

I'd like to thank my psychologist
Michelle for being so awesome and
Helping me think about the things
In unique ways, solved differently

And it makes me so happy
To know I helped another by doing my thing
I draw on my arm to distract myself
She recommended it to help someone else

And it worked and it makes me so proud
I said my thoughts out loud
And now I'm feeling better
About the worst that's out to get 'ya

So I thank one and all
For helping me up when I started to fall
For those who stick by my side
And didn't go, run and hide

:^)

I find it hard to open up
When the times I have, I get shut
Told to get over, deal with the pain
But what if I told you that I'm not the same?

There have been times when my heart burned
Because I pined, because I yearned
A lost love that was but my first
Eaten like acid, removed by hearse

Or times when I wake up and feel so empty
Like why am I here, please just forget me
Open your mind and be released
From the torturous memories that are me

Or times when anger flared up inside
And I dared you to try to hide
I wanted to end you for the lies that you told
For all of the ******* you offered, you sold

But don't forget I get depressed too
And I wondered if I really was something you could lose
If I had the worth, if I meant something
I'd hear sad songs and alone I'd sing

And everything hurts ten times more
Then what ever emotions you've had before
So don't put me down and say I ain't strong
When I've been carrying this burden all along....

Care to share,
Dare to bear
The weight of this world
That isn't there?

With all these voices in my head
And all the messages I've sent
All the replies I never get
They say forgive and then forget

Everything I've done has led to regret
And stood me up right on the edge
Feet halfway over the ledge
Wind in my face and what comes next?

A flashback to memories
With violent ends from violent deeds
I see them right before they bleed
And cold shivers run underneath

I've been called both crazy and insane
Like something's wrong inside my brain
To everyone else I'm not the same
I ain't normal, I ain't plain

But then again, I didn't want to be
It's not my fault I cause unease
I don't see what everyone else sees
I see dead men on their feet

Why fight on and be so strong
In a world where I don't belong?
Where everything has gone all wrong
From ongoing wars to the suicide song

I hear white noise when I walk
And whispering when I don't talk
A shadow behind that always stalks
Paranoid, eyes like a hawk

I'm sorry I'm not what you wish I was
But don't hate me just because
I don't meet your expectations
So give up on my resuscitation

*"You cannot revive the dead and ******"

This life is just lost memories, regrets and false hope
Like whatever created us has crafted a sick joke
We're so insecure about our pre-destined flaws that
We either start big arguments that escalate into wars or
Make ourselves feel better by submitting to torture
Like I did, knowing that the pain will always reward ya
Because pain is a gateway to relieving problems when
You got too much and you know it's ****** but you can't solve 'em
And you grow up told not to sin, we do it anyways all night and day now where do I begin, how to stand against the shame?

Hunting animals down for coats or food to extinction
And destroying their environment, fancy word called deforestation
In relentless pursuit of luxury and creating a name
And you wonder why certain beasts will never be tame, it's insane!

Just because we think bigger, grow quicker and have cold hearts
Doesn't give you the right to tear this fucken beautiful world apart
We only had one hope, that's why life's a joke
We progress to be the best but all for no show

The only certainty I know is we evolve to destroy
I mean that's where we're going, that's right, it's no decoy
Ever since we began we transformed to form our end
There's no point to this ****, game over man!

The only reason I'm alive today is because I have this information
As I pace back and forth, typing at the bus station
I know it's all a joke, so I live to laugh at it
I don't take much that seriously, because honestly I've had it

I'm done

As a man where do I stand?
Helping everyone that I can
Though I'm off the edge and I'm still falling
Don't mind me everyone else is important

I'd like to say I still feel hope
Elevators are just a joke
That implies that my ride is smooth
If that's so then explain this bruise

And this cut, and this graze
Depression gives your mind quite the haze
You begin to see, and believe
Even though it's not reality

Smile on the outside but inside your dead
Your soul to the dogs has been fed
Can't find the effort to stay alive
Life's a game of run and hide

But do not jump, it's not fair
Can you feel your friends hearts tear?
How about your family? Your three little sisters?
How can you leave when they least expect it?

So climb back down and I'll catch you
Just say the word and I'm here for you
Doesn't matter where you are
Give me a call 'coz I ain't that far

I look down at the blade
And see the scars that I engraved
A mark that'll forever stay and
Torture me every day...