I write
To romance
Myself

I am an ****** of light

Rub-a-dub tug
Pull me down to the rug
Wiggle and wriggle
Full bodied giggles
Nibble and nip
Give a little slip
Pinch and squeeze
Anything to please
Fill me up
Overrun my cup
And drown with me
In intimacy

You want to burn bright
For all to see
Then lean right on in
And listen to me
For I’ll stoke and I’ll poke
I’ll dart all about
I’ll inspire desire
Make it come out
I’ll breathe guided breaths
All over your flame
Then all will know
You’re a flame they can’t tame

My ever present
Companion
Searing me
Arcing through
My insides
Every day
A new burn
Skin graft patches
Healing
Inch by inch
Pulling me
Into myself
Hunched
Contorted
Askew
Once again
Sideways on the floor.
Cauterize me

My nose has rolled away
With the meatball to romp and play
Down the artichokey
On top of mountains old and smokey

My ears, they flew right off
without another care or thought
They rose in to the sky
A small and fleshy butterfly

My tongue just up and left
Leaving behind a mouth bereft
It ran off with my toes
10 legs it had to quickly go

What's next I do not know
Perhaps my hands are next to go
I'm falling all apart
Body part   -   a la carte

I am not nor will i ever be
A rainbow and roses girl
I am not nor will I ever be
A swallowable pill

Don't sit there and laugh
I promise it's real
I'm nowhere near daft
But I have an appeal

Women have united
We held a caucus
It has been decided
We want deeper pockets

Not stitches of yarn
To create the illusion
Not fingertips only
Whole hand exclusion

Not pockets so small
They cause a contusion
Not 1/4 of whole
Causing wallet protrusion

I should not be coerced
To carry a purse
It's like we're accursed
pocket problems traverse

You get it right on dresses
But never on pants
I need to stress this
Dress to pant transplant!

You do it for males
All big and cozy
Put some wind in your sails
This is no time to mosey

Pocket Equality for all!
Across every brand
Divided we fall
United we stand!

Prologue

Of

Emotional

Movement

Say what you mean
Mean what you say
Get to the point
It's the easiest way

Don't have me guess
Or try to construe
What you might want
For I'm me and not you

Pressure builds
like breath being forced in to a balloon
without the few stretchy stretchies
and sideways pulls beforehand.
As if some universal clown
is trying to make balloon animals
with my intestines.

I'm a tiny human
On a continent
On a planet
In the solar system
Of a galaxy
Among billions of others
In an ever expanding universe
EVERYTHING is possible

I am not the possible thing

I’m the impossible thing

I caught myself a Leprechaun!
It took two and seven years
More with wit than with brawn
and a variety of beers.
He is a little son-of-a-gun.
Fast on his feet is he.
He is a little wild one.
But not w-i-l-y as me
Now three wishes I do get
but need them I do not.
For anything I'd ever want
Is right here in this spot

The funny thing about alone
There is no one trying to tell you otherwise
My voice ever so faint
Whispered to me, I listened
It asked questions. I listened
It got louder. I listened.
It comforted. I listened.
It nudged. I listened.
Until I Believed.
Slowly listening turned in to action
“You are valid” it would poke
Believe in what you say
I rose
I stared down fear
Leaning in with a wicked smile
You left me alone for too long
Or in fact just long enough
I changed
A metamorphosis
I am poetry in motion
The verb in a sentence
My body speaks in tongues
My soul unconfined
I am that point of exclamation!
Dotted exuberantly with intention!
Gusto. Bravery. Determination.
Tenacity. Passion. Surrender.
I am focused, honed, excitement.
Electric
A Generator
A live wire
Sparking
Lighting others up.
I am Love
Tender, Strong, Permeating
Patient, Forgiving, Wondrous
A torus of energy, forever folding and renewing
I found me
I found
I AM
The best gift I’ve ever opened.

There is no price to high
To be held within your eyes
There's nothing I won't do
When the commodity is you

The rough, raw, passion
Is just your wild calling

A howl for the moon
A rear end shimmy for the pounce
Surrender to your wild
At least just an ounce

Please forgive my attitude
And if it seems I'm being rude
All my actions get misconstrued
I guess it's me and never you

Splish, Splash
watch us dash.
Jump up come down
Goodbye frown
Freckled clothes of wet
No Sun don't come yet!
Rain, rain, come again
Refill my playground

The purpose of life is to learn
We are the inheritors of a portion of time
We can dissipate it on futile things
Or utilize it to our everlasting benefit
The seeming imperfections of Earth
The hazards and inequalities of life
The cruelty, harshness and apparent indifference
To suffering and affliction are not what they seem; as it is,
Earth is perfect for its purpose
It is ignorance of that purpose which makes it appear imperfect
Tribulation and adversity, sorrow and suffering
Are not to be thought of as needless burdens
Imposed upon the difficulties inseparable from earthly life
They are things of value which open the eyes to Truth
Tempering the spirit, as iron is tempered in the flame.

I know that I am worthy
To live a life full score
Life is thirst and I am thirsty

I have been invited cordially
I Have opened up the door
I know that I am worthy

I am not meant to hurry
There is much to feel and explore.
Life is thirst and I am thirsty

I embrace the topsy-turvy
Every sunset an encore
I know that I am worthy

The taste of life is pleasing
I know that I want more
Life is thirst and I am thirsty

Are you meant to be
the choice is yours
I know that I am worthy
Life is thirst and I am thirsty

R ighteous
A nger
G rowing
E xponentially

Breaker of toys
Dasher of dreams
Pull all apart
Right at the seams
Demanding all time
Just to cause grief
You lecherous fool
You fun stealing thief
Mine you can't have
Mine aren't for keeps
I've taken them back
Mine can't be reached
I know all your tricks
I know your true name
I know what you are
A peddler of blame

Reality roulette
Which one, which one will you get?
One that's cam and mostly mellow?
Or one that's white or brown or yellow?
One that's red or full of rage?
One where you can't see the cage?
One that's filled with deep regret?
Which one, which one will you get?
One where you hold all the cards?
Or one where you're on constant guard?
One where love is all around?
Or one where love is never found?
All these choices for you to see
But which one, which one will it be?
The thing is you actively choose
In every little thing you do
You determine what you get
In the game of reality roulette

Yearning for burning

A kind of returning

Unlearning learning

To fix my own kerning

Churning adjourning

My rebirth I'm earning

Blushing comes so naturally
It’s really quite a tragedy
Every time you look at me
I’m R E D

There was a young lass named Thea
who loved onomatopoeia
sprinkle drip drizzle
bloop splash squirt sizzle
spewing forth like mouth diarrhea

I don't slam well on love
It slams on me
A drumming thrumming arrhythmia
Ba-bump ba-bump ba--- bump-ba-bump
A little loss here is a little gain there
Only, it doesn't work that way
My stopwatch heart hiccups then echoes
Like odd flats and sharps
Seemingly out of place among the expected
A beat that needs to be acquired over several listenings
Like a new food that needs to be tasted up to 12 times
Before you can truly decide if you like it.
It take more than 3 licks and a bite to get to my center
One, two three, you're not for me
Four, five, six, a few more licks
Seven, eight, nine, out to dine
Ten, eleven, twelve, you can delve
And yet... Here it sits in my chest with its arrhythmia
Patiently waiting for that defibrillating current
That shock that will set it right
Or perhaps it's never meant to be that way
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
It's perfect in it's imperfection

My heart's a stereo,
and we can dance if you want to,
because the rhythm is gonna get you,
on re-pe-pe-pe-pe-peat.

If you feel the need to demand respect it means giving some of my own self respect
It means you don't respect yourself so in order to make you happy you ask me to respect you
If I give you pieces of my self respect that you can use to feel respected, it will only serve to hurt you and us because it's hollow this way. It will never satisfy that deep need for self respect. Only the self can do that
I can respect you without having to
respect your own personal issues and insecurities
I think somewhere in our society
respect has been twisted to the point
that the people demanding it don't understand that what they really want is to be obeyed.
That is what demanding respect does
If you demand it then it isn't respect at all
It is everything but respect

Rarely do I ever get a moment to myself
Everything that I plan sits dusty on the shelf
Staring at me silently each and every day
Poignantly reminding me how much I need to play
One day maybe up ahead in a year or two
Nothing will take precedence over what I'd like to do
So instead I fill my time wearing different masks
Intently doing all the things that the family asks
Bodyguard, Janitor, Chef, Taxi, and Teacher
Indeed are just a very few of my lovely features
Leisure however seems to always elude me
Inconsequential to how ardently I plea
Tomorrow is a whole new day to try it all again
Yearning for those moments I can find my zen

I like it when time stops
And SNAPS us to attention in the present
So many wonderful things to see
In the Echo of that Snap

I’m sitting in the dark and the sound of the rain falling is just right and silence settles to whatever volume is current. And as you become increasingly aware it’s like all of the oxygen is ****** out of the world and yet you can still breathe.

The power in that grasp. Glimpse. Moment of ‘being’. An active moment of happening now. The current. And it is so titillating, mesmerizing, and transfixing that you suspend time to really see it. It presents itself in many different ways and oh how truly altering they are.

I love the ones with no talking. No words  anywhere for me to hear whether I want to or not. Just colors, sounds, textiles, smells. A unique constantly changing thing.

God I love these moments and I intend to go back but the need to express it overtook long enough to use words to write this. I am now disengaging.

The impact of a loved one ripples outward
The wind has changed direction
The ripples are now waves
White capped knuckles of grief
Memories escape cradled in saline
Slipping out of the heart
Tear drop ripples echo back
            Plip
                      Plop
Adding to the turbulent beauty
A lifetime shared
A moment of forever
Time slows to weightlessness
Hanging on the cresting inhale of the heart

I love being in your lap
And feeling you rise
to my occasion

Your currency, should currently
Be known for it's barbarity
Your hostility, and severity
Will flip minority to majority
The reality and authority
That we want to see desperately
Is a community that concurrently
Finds solidarity and integrity
In the simplicity of sincerity
Because, you know what?
It's not easy, it's simple

There once was a man
who collected rocks.
He was five-foot two
and his name was Brock.

One day out walking
while making his rounds
he noticed a rock
that weighed 60 lbs.

It was shaped like a fish
and quite a bit shiny
with one ruby eye
that wasn't so tiny.

He wanted it badly
so badly you see
he shouted quite loudly
and made this decree

“That rock is now mine
I'll carry it home
and place it just so
in my rocky biome.”

He was doing quite well
just after the start
but the longer he walked
put strain on his heart.

He needed to rest
so he sat for awhile
wondering if he'd
survive this strange trial.

He sat and he pondered
these fateful things
when suddenly he saw
something with wings

It circled above
releasing a scream
eyes honed on him
Oh! How they gleamed.

Before he could get up
the hawk swooped on by
and pecked poor Brock
right in the eye.

Brock dropped the rock
with a loud scream
then cursed the hawk
and its dastardly scheme

The hawk took the rock
and flew away fast
He had to act now
or the moment would pass.

Brock sprang to action
began hunting it down
running all over
the streets in this town.

Holding his eye
clutching his heart
he finally stopped
thinking the hawk was too smart

He was wrong
as he turned back around
and saw the rock
lying there on the ground

Brock ran over
to go pick it up
but at the last moment
It was crushed by a truck

He looked at the pieces
with a big frown
and three minutes later
he was also run down

Romance for me is about moments of connection
to feel something larger than myself
To witness the cosmos in and from the eyes of another
To be vulnerable, raw, wild, honest, open, books of discovery
Moments that make me feel deep and lush
Hypnotic. A whispered word. A brush of skin. Shared desires.
Late nights. Moon light. Inside jokes. Thoughtful words.
Laughter. Fireworks. Fireflies. Campfires. Rainy days in.
Pillow fights. Pranks. Trust. Live music. Cold beer.
Carnivals. Confidence. Honesty. Legos. Little round ice cubes.
Sledding. Gingersnaps. Aggressive Sports. Motorcycles.
Clean lines. The horizon. Walks. Avocados. Wine. Bare feet.
Morbidity. Sarcasm. Wit. Presence. Midnight. Open arms.
Yellow Curry. Coloring. Puzzles. Abandoned Places.
White chocolate. Fruit jellies from Germany. Motown. Violins.
Art Nouveau. Intimacy. Decorum. Curiosity. Metallurgy.
Alchemy. A well told story. Absurdity. Whimsy. Shade. Shadows.
Things that are slightly off. Heavy blankets. Bubbles. Silhouettes.
Glitter. Smirks. Poise. Grace. The melody in a laugh.
The blush of cheeks. The thought in a touch. Poise. Grace.
Night time insect and frog lullabies. Autumn Forests.
The way a hummingbirds and dragonflies fly. Outtakes. Freckles.
Tickles. Rain. Fog. Strangers. Dancing. Finger foods.
Warm apple cider. Open windows.  Wood wind chimes.
Squishing my toes in dirt. The moment a smile begins.
Mood lighting. Candles. String lights. Sherbert. Snuggles.
Warming my **** by a fire and sitting down fast. Treasure.
Lightning. Beethoven. *******. Challenges. Delayed Gratification.
Desired anticipation. Seduction. The wind. Cedar chests. Calliopes.
Austria. Vistas. Fingertips. Dangling my feet. Whispers. Spirals.

She
Swallows
Stars
So
Skillfully
She
Shines

My heaven
Resides in
The curvature
Of your lips
When you smile

Sandman,
King of my dreams
Is to me
everything
conjoined we are
at the heart
hugging tight
to never part.
Whispered words
spoken true
renew in me
the lust of you.

I sit and I ponder
As my boat wanders
Across waters unknown
These moments not squandered
It is quite an honor
To see with eyes of my own

I want you to watch as I surrender to myself. A preview of what it’s like to romp on my playground. And once I’ve washed upon my own shore I’ll turn right around and start crawling toward yours.
Slinking while sinking my teeth on my lip Savoring the ways I’ll nibble your tips

It's so much fun
To use the tongue
And all that it can do
The way it dances
And it prances
Behind my lips of two
Up and down
And all around
When it's being used
Oh the tongue
Is so much fun
When entangling with you

Clammer clammer
Fumble stammer
Once more to the fray

Tripping skipping
My mind is slipping
Slip slip-sliding away

Out my nose
Oh, There it goes!
Running away from me

Take a rest
Catch my breath
I thought it'd never leave

Now I'm great
As a dinner plate
Of serving sized crazy

Truths and dares
And pinkyswears
Huckle-berry daisies

While the ticket is in my wallet
I have both won and not won the lottery

The time is now
If I know how
To leap with all my might

Openly trust
Myself I must
Life's acolyte

Standing Steady
At the ready
To let go of this ground

Leaning in
Trust the wind
Absence of all sound

Eyes close tight
Fear I might
Plummet to my demise

Hold my breath
Brace for death
The Illusion does belie

Backward Rules
Make us fools
The answer's in the trick

Decend to rise
Counterclockwise
A new bailiwick

Bury
me deep
Water me well
Watch me break through
Growth

People don't commit suicide
Because they want to die.
They just don't want to live.

People who are depressed don't disappear
Because they want to be lost.
They just want to be found.

I love myself this second
but not the other nine
and if you ask me how I am
I'll simply respond with "fine"
Because we're told not to wear
emotions on our sleeves
**** it down and swallow it
do not cause unease
But I have learned and confirmed
this simply is not true
They're only words that you've heard
from those less brave than you