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  Apr 2022 Eyithen
Eshwara Prasad
If my relationship with my sleep is ruined, my life is ruined.
Eyithen Apr 2022
I pluck the weeds out of my head every season,
All the bad, the negative thoughts, the unhealthy habits,
so the flowers have room to grow.
Until the next season,
when the weeds regrow and I must pluck them again.
I grab the base, pulling up the roots,
Without roots, they won’t grow back.
They do.
Eyithen Apr 2022
I love the person I've become/but I hate the person I had to be to get to her/ I wouldn't write the younger years out/for fear of who that would shape her to be today/that is you would find a completely different person/still bathing in lukewarm water/or lost at sea in a turbulent trapped mind/unaware/and yet I wish I could pick and choose/to remove those images, those words, the fighting/not all the bad/but the biggest of these./Who would she be?
Do you ever wish you prevent certain things from happening? Who would you be now? For better or worse?
Eyithen Apr 2022
Why do we distort beauty?
Beauty can be power, but it can also be a burden
I never understood, but now I do

When we are not bestowed with it,
We cage it by any and all means possible
We mock those who lack it and hate those who have it

Green monsters rise in us
We blur the pure with cold blacks and angry reds
We blame them while we try to be them
I suppose jealousy is a fickle thing

In the stories of old, they say one is blessed with beauty
To gain the admirable attention of others,
How it must feel to be dotted on

But then comes the curse
Of having too much attention
Of getting the wrong attention
Of being objectified and not respected
Of being catcalled in the streets and attempting to ignore crass comments and rude remarks.

Like the attention
Don't like the attention
To be called beautiful is such a nice thing
Until it's not.
Eyithen Sep 2021
A thumb flicks repetitive across the screen.
Scrolling.
Images of faces, targeted ads and mundane art.

A random couple standing on the beach.
I pause for them.

His toad like appearance distorts my face,
One nostril scrunching up in displeasure at the belly that sticks out rounding into his chest so you can’t tell where his torso starts and ends, while a pair of swim trunks desperately attempt to cling to a skeletal waist.

Her body is normal aside from the concave stomach and the ***** that had clearly been poked at, flayed away, reshaped into an over exaggerated spherical shape.

Two figures clearly trying and failing to force their bodies to reject their aging fate, but they succeed in looking less human, and more like that of distorted dreams. Their skin is too dark, slicked up with oil, and all I can think of is when leather for skin became fashionable.

Their bodies are theirs to do as they please, but this new species of seal takes away the beauty of the water kissing the shore and I find the thought of these distorted figures mar my vision of the beach into a sour taste.

I can only assume its attention they want with the transaction they made: her youth for his money.
So tell me, is it not within my right to judge?
Is it?

I scold myself for being quick to judge with my eyes
though I cannot find myself to be sorry;
For they have clearly invested in their outwardly appearance.
For the sake of themselves or others who is to say?
But they parade through sand exposed, out on display.
Inspired by a random picture
Eyithen Jun 2021
I can feel the buzzing of my nerves
So I chug it down
hoping it will calm the storm
I taste the sweet and bitter
I feel the burn on the way down
I like the warmth when it hits my stomach
Maybe it can help
slow things down for a bit
Buzz my mind
Make me sleep
A sip here
A swish there
I think it'll do the trick
Just don't tell mama
she'll get rid of it
she don't like it in the house
I understand why
The temptation is bright
When you don't want to think
Eyithen Jun 2021
how to start to create something
hidden and subtle,
like a carefully crafted secret
only unintentional.

you were my secret.
well,
i guess you sometimes still are in my dreams
but I know better;
i know you're not mine.

now that the fantasy as faded,
distance to breath helps me see that you were a mirage,
something beautiful from far away
but up close it all dissipates
and i see that you were never there to begin with.

our time was short,
relationship almost nonexistent
and yet i could let myself fall so hard
i almost did.
i let you consume my thoughts
and drive my fantasies.

now i sit here scolding myself
scolding the overthinker
scolding the dreamer who dares to get wrapped up in things that only occurs to the quiet girl in rom-coms and meet-cute novels.

her head and her heart only cause her pain
waiting for a day that may never come,
but she keeps on dreaming
and waiting
and wishing
and loving

one day....
one day....

one day her heart may be released from its cage only to be shot down,
but one day someone may pick it up, take it home, cherish it, love it,
and she will no longer think of the missed moments and passerbys,
of the connections that electrified,
Cause there will be many that make those pale in comparison.

One day....
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