I miss you in between life
I have been a good girl, I have not stopped living
I have fun, quite often
Have not stopped going out into the sun in the afternoon to examine my mother's petunias
And admire the bougainvillea basking under the sun
I take the dog out for the evening walk, try to love like she loves me
I accept love, I try to love back but never force myself
I am gentle with myself as I am with others
I start art projects and finish them
I start cooking elaborate things and finish them
I clean up my mess
I oil my hair, wash it every two days
Keep my skin moisturized
Drink enough water till my *** is clear
I eat fruits, I eat pomegranate
I wash my clothes and put them back on time
I take my meds on time
I don't take too much cough syrup
Don't drink iced coke on cold days
I am gentle with myself as I am with others
I try to neither be afraid of time running out nor having to wait forever
I do not stay up too late on the internet
Wake up early enough to have breakfast and still have room for lunch
I have fun
I go for movies, take photos everywhere, talk to my sister, talk to my friends, talk to the neighbors, say hello to every dog I pass, try to identify every bird I see,
I am living well
But the catch is, I'd rather be doing all of this with you

Your heart is young honey
But you are already weighing it down
Stop handing it out
It forgets its worth
It’s yours
Let it beat inside your body
Let it beat itself up
But don’t beat it up yourself
It has taken too much beating already
It is not made for the ring
Nor the duels, the fights or the wars
You send it off to
You have been handing out your ****** heart on a silver platter to vampires
Who **** the blood and leave the flesh, the muscles, discarded, rotting
Stop.
It is your heart
Chase away the vampires
The flesh loves the blood
And you have to love the flesh
It makes you

What did you think little girl?
That he’d come and take you away?
He is also stuck,
A fly in honey
A fly on a sticky mat
A fly with its wings peeled off
Everyone needs rescuing
And now you’ll have to be your own ambulance
Your own siren call
Your own rescue helicopter
Your own intervention
It is okay, little girl
To want
To lose
To want to lose
And then want again
Forgive yourself a little,
To  be human is to have an excuse to err

you’ll be there
drunk
and ready to end your life with one slit on a branch
letting the sap drain till there is no more but then one depressed friend later
you’ll be there
in your armor with all the weapons balanced in one hand and a cigarette in the other
and that is how you’ll know you are strong
Sometimes you have to dream of dying to really live
And every jilted lover
and every lover who jilted you
will be buried one day
so what is the point?
Sometimes we survive for the heck of it
Sometimes we survive just because the universe wants to see us suffer more
Sometimes we survive despite everything
No matter how much suffering this blood has to dilute
Someone somewhere trapped in tanks trapped in countries trapped in humanity
Has endured more than we can dream of
And if the screams of children vaporized on playgrounds don’t let me sleep
who is the one crazy here?

I tell Jasmine,

Whenever something good happens

all I do is wait for the bad to come (because as much you laugh is as much you’ll cry, trust me my grandma told me that)

She stops for a beat, the soft evening light one with her mocha skin.

Jasmine says she never thinks anything is for the good

Who hurt us?

Who carries the weight of this vast blue sky,

Under which Jasmine and I walk

On a warm tropical winter evening

Young enough to still be excited about cigarettes

Our bodies soft as fish, us walking, nay, flowing with the warm currents

Secretly afraid the sky might fall on our shoulders, and then what?

Will it be heavier than this heart we carry? (the metaphorical one)

Jasmine never believes anything is for the good.

Jasmine is in love. You can see it in her eyes.

We walk back to the hostel, and I can already see her drifting apart.

As time’s tectonic plates shift,

I am here

And she will be somewhere else

But today, we are together.

Jasmine is in love and I am just walking.

Isaiah, you gave your blood to build this country

Now the streets are hungering for it again

When your son is shot,

weep for your daughter

You are always afraid, you are always afraid

It is a familiar fear

An old fever that never left your bones

And even when everything is gone

There is more that can be taken away

This is the essence of war,

Loss.

They screamed victory

And your parents turned to memory.

Be at peace, Isaiah.

The sky falls and

Everything turns to grey

You know this. You know this.

That is your tragedy.

Your children will have to.

That is theirs.

Sunset eyelash
The light glints off the black marble
(the white crystal glistens)
In the heart something sets,
Sometimes when you are leaving, you are left behind.