You labeled the poison
as love
making me believe
this is love  
I hope you cared
enough to tell me
to put on a breathing mask

Toxic love spilling
Aroma of fumes diffusing
Vision blurring
Combusting heart beating
Manipulated brain thinking
Cancerous wounds multiplying
Contagious words infecting
Every lasting stain remaining
Fading clarity in this reality
A crumbling position, grabbing irregularity
Pure toxic entanglement
Slowly dying
There is no denying
For it is a cunning grotesque addiction

“No, You don’t know me” she said wiping the grin off his face. “You can’t say I am a nice person when you don’t know me. You don’t know about how I find darkness alluring. You don’t know of all the terrible things I’ve thought of to hurt people. You don’t know of my intentions or the moments I am manipulative, cold-hearted *****. I am not saying I am fake either; I am soft, kind hearted person who does care. But you don’t know of the darkness that exists within me. The darkness that I find so alluring that it drives me into doing insane hurtful things to myself and the people around me.” He stood still, not even flinching a muscle. “You scare me because of your positivity, hopes and dreams. They are are so fragile, bright and innocent that I am scared to break them. I am scared to drown you in depths of negativity and darkness. I am allured to the darkness in people because it’s darkness enwrapping darkness; comforting and understanding. With you, I feel the need to enclose the darkness within myself because I fear what it might do to you. I am a terrible person at times and you don’t want to be near me during those days because I will not give a **** about anyone and I will end up hurting you. So no I am not a nice person, I wish I was.”

She wrote his name on the seashore, along with what she never told. Taking a step back, she let the turbulent waves crash upon the shoreline and wipe away it all away. She let the words be taken back by the retrieving waves, letting them be lost in the sea. Inhaling the cold air that made every cell of her shiver she hoped one day the words will be whispered by the breeze from the sea.

“Don’t let my name be the lyric to their cacophony of laughter. Don’t let me be the ridicule that your friends crack upon. I don’t want them to sip on our memories turning them into a hip story. So don’t give me away to their tongues that let my name slip ever so flippantly. Seal me in your heart where I would be untouched. Embed those memories in your mind as though they were sacred. Let my name be unknown and our stories untold. Let us be concealed for we are much more than the pleasantry gossip of their conversation” she said softly as she put down the phone.

Passions, pleasure now feel like a chore,
making my life a bore
and my mind sore.
Tick, tock
Time is valuable
panic rises,
for there is a mental rigid routine to abide by.
But now my soul wears a dress,
which is stress.
Watching shows, self care and reading books
which once upon a time used to be relaxation,
have now become a cross off a to do list.
Losing interest in my mundane life,
I find my breath meaningless,
waking up pointless and have  
life just drag my corpse with time.
There are mountains;
burdening my mind and scraping my heart.
A soul of a robot is what I have,
except that I have a voice that complains
and ears that hear commands,
creating havoc on my mood and mind.
All what I loved, became
‘have to’ and ‘should do’,
a daunting tasks
requiring more effort than it did before.
Life seem drudgery and draining to wake up to.

But It was all about approach and perception.
Digging deeper with why,
I found reasons and meaning behind my life.
It was about relishing in the process,
rather than completing them.
In the errands for others; I searched for joy of my own.
Unleashing creativity in daily mundane activities,
it did not seem robotic no more.
Rediscovering happiness and enthusiasm,
making it interesting by sharing and snapping,
I set lose from the chains of my routine by reinvigorating spontaneity.
For what felt like burden, wasn’t meant to be felt like a burden.

Inhale,
love, compassion and kindness.
Inhale,
care, positivity and happiness.
Your soul needs it’s replenishment,
before you exhale it out as others encouragement.
So sow and grow fields of flowers,
flourish, bloom and bathe in the sunlights nourishment.
Then give, give and give.
For what we give,
enriches us as well, from day to day.