What am I still holding on to?
Why do I still seem to care so much for you?

You never really seem to care anymore anyway

When I reach out to you, you block me out
When I try to talk to you, you close yourself from me
Every word I say passes through your ears
Every smile I give leaves you emtionless
Everything I do goes by unnoticed
Brushed off by a mere swipe of a hand
Every poem I write and every song I sing, they're all for you
But you didn't even seem to care
Brick by brick, you've built a wall around yourself
A wall too high to climb
A wall too thick to push my way through
A wall too strong to for me take down
Forcing me to give all my effort
To take each and every brick in my grasp
And bring them down
One by one
Leaving my hands broken
tired
and bruised

Let's face it: We're drifting, and that *****
Our daily conversations have run dry
We used to talk about our dreams, our interests, our passions
Our plans for the world to see
People we want to be
Our pasts, our present and our futures
We used to talk about OURSELVES
But now I feel like you've run out of interest for me
And I feel like every word I say takes so much effort
Because I try so hard to keep the conversation alive
Even though deep down
I know it's slowly dying
Because I don't want to let it die
Because I don't ever wanna stop talking to you
Because I don't want to drift from the person I used to spend hours on end having endless chats with
Maybe we're just running out of things to talk about
And I don't really know why

Sometimes I feel that us drifting is one sided
Like I spend all this time thinking about you
When I wonder if you even realize that I still exist
I'm still here
I think about how long we haven't talked
I think about our last texts, our last messages
When you probably don't even remember the conversations we've had

So what the hell am I still holding on to?

I'm holding on to the memories we've made
I'm holding on the conversations we used to share
I'm holding on the the laughs, the smiles, the good times we've
had
I'm holding on to the poems
the letters
the songs
All written in your name
Hoping that someday you'll find the time
To read them
To remember and look back on what once was
But most of all, I'm holding on to those 3 words that you said
"I Love You!!!"

I miss you, I really do
I miss the old us
I miss our friendship

And it's sad to think that I'm still here
Holding on to all those things
All the things that we've been through
When you've already let go
A long time ago

The way it hurt
To see the way you looked at him with eyes so wide
To see the way you showed him your world
How you brought him inside
And I was left to freeze
In the cold of outside
I was forgotten, neglected
Just brushed aside

Little did you know
The way it hurt
To see the way your head got lost in his gaze
The way you brightened up when you saw his face
To hear the way you talked about him for days
And days......
.... and days

Little did you know
The way it hurt
To see the crinkle in your smile when you said his name
To find myself the courage to say something
Anything, everything
But nothing ever came
And I'm the one to blame

Little did you know
The way it hurt
To see how you idolized him
How you loved him
How you cared for him
How you put him on a pedestal in your heart
How you gave all of yourself to him
But little did you know
That that's what was tearing you apart

Little did you know
The way it hurt
To see the way he treated you like crap
He played with your emotions
Set you heart in motion
But when you gave him your heart
He held it with no caution
Your heart slipped through his fingers, fell away from his grasp
Down it went, and it fell to the floor
"Crack"

But you didn't care

Little did you know
The way it hurt
To see the way you still loved him even after what he's done
Even after he fell in love with you just for fun
To see the way you held on to him, the way you stayed
.....Even if he's been long gone
But I never left
I'm still here

Little did you know
The way it hurt
When you were crying
When you were ranting
When you said your heart felt like it was about to burst
But little did you know, I still loved you at your worst

Little did you know
Of the feelings I've had for you
The way I loved
The way I cared
The way I cherished the memories and laughs that we have shared
But you didn't notice

Will you ever notice?

You once told me that he was your sun
And you were a seed
You basked in his heat, and you blossomed and grew
And that's what you need

But little do you know
Of the hurt that I felt
The emotions and feelings that I just couldn't help

Little do you know how I wanted to show you a sign
How I hoped to be your sun
Because you were mine

But
I think I should quit hoping
I think I should just stop my dreaming and holding

Because I'm only a fool who's hoping for sunlight
When it's already midnight

The nights rolls by with you still in thought
There’s still a smile on my face from the happiness you brought
But then those nights don’t last, they don’t stay the same
They end just as quickly as they came
————————————–
As the new day rises, I wake up to reality
See the possibilities, all that could be
The memories we could make, the happiness we could ensue
I just wish you could see it too
In those days, I wonder, if you could also sense it
The voice that’s inside me, the voice that just won’t quit
The voice that yearns for your company
Tell me, can you hear it? Even just a little bit?
In the beginning, I thought it was fake
I thought the feelings I had were just a mistake
But I didn’t think I’d go this far
Now I can’t stop wondering how you are
What is it that you do that makes me feel so?
You made me care, now I can’t let go
When I saw that smile, my heart felt a pounce
I fell for you like rain, slowly… then all at once
If letting go was an option, then i definitely would
But I can’t help but listen to my emotion
Telling me I never should
———————————–
There’s a lot of mistakes I’ve done in a while
Things I hate, things I’d rather forget
But then another nights rolls by, you give me another smile
And that’s when I know, deep down…..
Liking you is no regret