My blue eyed girl
My brown haired lovely
My gorgeous, amazing, woman.
How did I
Get so lucky to have
You smile at me.
To have you fall for me.
To have you want me.
Me, broken, beaten, and defeated
And in that darkness I found you.
You are my light, shining the way
Showing me that everything can be better.
You are the person I've dreamed of having.
The one of wanted all along and never had.
You have a way, of smiling at me
And making everything seem to disappear.
My fears, my worries, my hesitation
It all disappears in that smile.

You're gorgeous my dear, more lovely
Than anyone I've seen before.
You're love makes me whole.
You've fixed my broken ways and I love you.

Some days
I
hate
Who I am

Wake up loving life,
smile at the sun coming through the window.
Pull out the pans
fry up the eggs
spread butter, sprinkle cinnamon on toast
bacon crackling in the pan.
Morning tv,
movie and pasta for lunch
nap in the afternoon.

Its a good day.

Meat burning in the oven
sauce overcooked
dinner ruined.
Sit down with leftovers from lunch
start to think.

What did I do wrong?
What is wrong with me?
What will make this better?

It comes like an onslaught
the horrible thoughts, the degrading feelings, the self hate.
Questioning every choice ever made
every word ever spoken
every action ever taken.
Start to wonder (for the millionth time)
if its worth it.
Is this all worth it?

Life has to be worth it.
But its a bad night... I just don't know.

Isn't it lovely?
That no matter what
No matter how bad something is
No matter the horror it brings
No matter the heartbreak
No matter the pain and sadness
No matter any of it
Life goes on.

It simply does.

Every day
It goes on.

Don't
Give up
On
Your life.

Time heals all wounds.
You can move on from anything.
What doesn't **** you, makes you stronger.

It's all cliches and proverbs
But honestly
Life does get better.
Just be willing to give it time.

Reading through the old poems
Seeing how things have changed.
How I have changed.

Before, loss was my only friend.
All I understood was heartbreak.
But I survived it.
I think
In my heart
That everyone must know true loss.

True horrifying heartbreak.

It makes you stronger.
It shows you the way to real happiness.
It shows you what the smile of a true lover looks like.
What her touch truly feels like.
You know how her voice sounds when she means what she says.

"I love you"

They're just words. But
on her lips, they are my saving grace.
When she says that
This broken heart knows that she means it.
I've learned, through failure,
What the true love sounds like.

It's not just a phrase, its a feeling, a rush, a fluttering in your chest.

Windows show only crowded darkness.
Face lit with artificial light.
Keyboard clicks maddeningly in time.
A million thoughts
A thousand reasons
A hundred unanswered questions.

Who to blame for this night?
Was it me?
Was it you?
I don't really know,
I only know that I can't sleep
And I don't know where you are.

It's another late night.
Another hour passed, a minute gone, a day lost.
Without ever knowing why.
And in the Darkened window mirror, I see your face
next to mine.

And I wonder why.
Forever, asking why.