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  May 2018 PEARL SMOKE
Elle
Burn them
The letters I gave
You never read them anyway
Burn them
The poems I made
It was all a part of yesterday

You never knew
How much every word meant to me
More than it ever did to you
You never knew
How every response you say
Is silence, to me,
Easily blown by the wind away.

Unread them, unremember,
If possible.
I do not want to remember
How foolish I was to write you
All of my heart
In pieces of paper.
I have cried
So many times,
Hidden and silent.

I have stared
At nothingness,
Felt my heart breaking.

I have waited
For so many calls
From you that never came.

I have believed
Everything that you said
I guess some weren't true.

I have been left
By you waiting for
The things you said you'd do

I broke my heart again,
Because I thought, finally,
I'll stop being used by you
Looks like I'm gonna have to sleep
Hoping I'll feel less sad when I wake up.
  May 2018 PEARL SMOKE
Stages and Ages
Like a drug addict
I've gone to rehab and rehab and rehab.
I've relapsed and relapsed and relapsed.
Like a drug addict
I've learned to survive
Without those chemicals mixing signals in my brain.
I've learned that I can get by
Without the nicotine, the alcohol, the ****, the *******.
I can get by
Without the little spike of adrenaline
I feel when I'm in the same room as them.

Like a drug addict,
I've learned to survive
When you are not in the room
I've learned to get by
without the spike of adrenaline
I feel when you get close enough to touch me

Like a drug addict
I went through withdrawals
Because the doctors say a psychological addiction
Is worse than a physical addiction.

Like a drug addict
My only name is anonymous
Unless it is accompanied by you.
I spend too much time comparing people to drugs
Because I never noticed how addictive someone's presence could be

"They told us about the drugs
that came from little white baggies
But they never told us about the ones
that came with green eyes and a smile"
  May 2018 PEARL SMOKE
Dark Delusion
I won’t notice the lies.
But I don’t even know the truth.
Between your so violent behavior.
That you forgot who you are.


I won’t ask you to change.
Only you can ask yourself and do it.
But you’ll might lose me before it ends.
Or I’ll might lose you forever.


Show me the love you gave me at first.
Your soft and enjoyable side.
With laughs everyday and smiles.
I thought that this would never change.


I wanted you to notice the harm you’ve done to me.
I wanted you to remember our first love.
This isn’t love anymore, it’ll never be like that again.
You showed me everything about you.


The lovable side, and soft side. I loved you.
The playful side, and wild side. I liked you.
The cold side, and mean side. I stayed.
The violent side, and evil side. I was only there.


You pretended, to love me and not to hurt me.
I pretended, to care.
All those personalities of you.
Were sides of you that never existed.
PEARL SMOKE May 2018
The day is near
Which day is dear ?
One I don’t know to fear.
The end or the start
To this night mare.

Will I hurt then Regain back
My will power & strength
Push forward to
find real happiness.

Will I hurt and go get again
To not feel any pain .
Of the memories I started with
Following ones I created .

I’m scared
Of it all
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