The way his fingers moved over the ivory keys
Notes pouring from his hands left me in awe
"Sing" he urges so I do, voice, piano, and
Laughter like a symphony of our own kind
The intimacy of the moment is so thick
it threatens to burst out of the room
and consume the whole world in love
I forgot for a moment to keep my guard up
I forgot that I should be weary of this
That I should be cautious of anything
I let myself be engulfed by the love
we shared and I let the intimacy
of that moment consume my world.

'I don't think you're capable of loving anyone',
he said
hands on steering wheel
twinkling eyes on the road

breath in.
breath out.
suddenly i forgot how to breath
pang on my chest
'but i love you' - i wanted to scream so bad.

but how could i say it
when i had never done that
how could i say it
when i had never learned to say it
how could i say it
when i had never loved anyone
before you
show me
teach me how
please
wait
a little bit
longer
as i
learn
how to love
for
there was
no one
else
before you

i desperately wanted to say so.
yet i let a little pained laugh.
'of course I am', I answered.
'tell me at least one person that you love other than your family'.
i could sense it
your hope dangling
you had been patiently waiting for me to say it out loud
yet still
how to say it?
how
say it, please.
now
please

i feel your disappointment
within those silence.
and i'm sorry.
for i could not say it out loud.
but i loved you.
and i still do.

*yet you're gone before i could even learn to say it.
and now
you left me screaming it to the world out loud alone

She came home
drunk off her ***
five missed calls
and it's still ringing
His number is
flashed across the
screen bright green
She just stares
he never calls
the phone flies
out of her hand
hitting the wall.
and cracking
his number.
Hours later the
red and blue lights
hit pale skin
and she breathes
out his name
for the last time
placing the gun
on her nightstand
and holding his
pale body close.

The world spins as I breathe
In.
out.
But it will continue when I stop.