I don't know how much more
I can find trust ignoring the lore
That I keep on writing til my fingers are sore

This strange heavy book
with an even stranger look
that a stranger once took

I want to think
that it is full of insightful ink
giving me good reasons to always stay close to the brink

But when my heart grows fonder
today when I catch myself, ponder
my mind only recklessly starts to wonder

And I've been reckless before
my heart and soul given to a false poet who calls me a *****
it tinted my deepest thoughts, it might be blue forevermore

I'm an expert on overthinking
still can't help but drinking
Wonderland's poisons up til I'm shrinking

If I could only say
that on some distant day
I'd learned my lesson not to pray

For you can never know
maybe it's only the gardener, just a poet for show
beware of what he might sow

I have a strength in me
I fall in and out of love with thee
Brew a cup of unsweetened tea
for my strength and me

I sit them down and we talk for hours
On my table a vase of flowers
they brought me from outside where it showers
rain against the window, the trees look like towers

My strength calmly saying
our worries we should be laying
down upon the roots, no need for praying
stop the constant weighing

Of your worth and mine
you don't own these trees or the rain but this life is thine
now we will have tea, soon enough we'll be drinking wine
Over a hot cup my strength promises: we'll be just fine

Forgotten how to cry
Tragedy tragedy tragedy
Has numbed the pain
Unfortunately
Only the dull remains.
Forgotten
What it's like to die
Slowly
Day by day.
Some demon eye watches
From a dark grey sky
Tempering
My tamagahane soul.
Belong above the moon
Light years above this place
As Bowie plays
Exclusively for lost ears.
A voice tells me,
"In life, you're either in pain or in delusion."
I've been losing
My grip
On this string of reality.
Forgotten how to cry.
What's even the point of these eyes?
To watch the crumbling stars;
Struggling to figure out what we are?
To look through darkness
For some kind of hope?
This is my drink.
This is my dope.
No need to think.
No need to cope.
I'm drowning in the quicksand.
End this poem
End it all.
Blood, like rainfall
Keeps me talking tall
But falling short of paradise.
I'm in danger.....

sent over neural pathways
the sight of a scent
could make one wax
transcendent:
Yankee Candle

budding one's tongue
the sound of a taste
may disturb the ears
aural astral waste;
Monosodium Glutamate

to feel the touch
of a sight beheld
might dazzle the senses
beyond defenses:
Tear Gas

Sin is apt
to skew such lapses.
Sin’s esthetic
glimpsed in apses
acts as anesthetic;
dulls our enhanced ecstatic senses:
a synthetic synaptic celestial deception . . .

Make sense?

It's late April
The weather is more like fall though
Melting snow and dry foliage
Autumn reminds me of you

We celebrated Halloween together
Pumpkin farms and feeding goats
Themed parties that didn't go right
Streaming tears in your basement
And I knew exactly how to help you

Video games on cold nights in our onesies
You singing to me
Echoing across the practice room walls
Our song
It meant so much to you and I felt it too

Something changed when I fell in love
With someone else
I still loved you too though
You thought I had commitment issues
Maybe I do
Maybe I don't
I don't want to go there now

I still remember the good times we had
It hurts to think about them now
But whenever I'm in town
I hold my breathe because I'm scared to see you
I'm scared to look closer at our relationship
I panic when it smells like October
Because it reminds me of you
Of us
And I'm too scared to think about how that makes me feel

The dawn is of purest gold and of sweetest sugar,
for you know that it means the light is coming.

The dusk holds darkness and tastes so bitter,
promising a long, cold night.

But each is as beautiful as the other, because without darkness, light is meaningless.

She was a bit like the moon

Shining with borrowed happiness
and glowing with light that wasn't her own

But

the moment she felt unloved
she sank beneath the horizen
dark once more