My mother wants me to go to college
My father prefers me go to technical school
My uncle thinks I should go into the Military
My aunt pushes me towards the Navy

However, out of four brothers
Not one tries to influence me.
Not a single one.
By doing this,
they encourage me to be me.

And that, is why us "Millennials" ignore the older population.
Ignore the stuff you all say that is stupid and frustrating.
We break the mold because we refuse to sit in one.
We push the boundaries you set,
Because we want to be OURSELVES.

Believe me, I know.
I know you have a Girlfriend.
A Girlfriend who deserves more.
Deserves more than your nasty thoughts.
Your nasty thoughts that drove even me away.
Me away to the opposite end of the page we had made.

It had been so long, since these thoughts had occurred.
I thought they had vanished, guess that's absurd.
They yearn to tear me apart,
piece by piece, slowly and agonizingly.
These hateful, spiteful, horrid thoughts aimed solely at myself.
I need to feel something other than this all consuming rage.
I need the pain to take over me, the same way it used to.
Burning, cutting, destroying myself.
I need it. I crave it.
These thoughts rarely ever truly go away.
Its on repeat.
I finally take some steps forward, before I'm pushed.
Pushed over the edge into that monotone oblivion.
The oblivion where you don't think
or sleep,
or see the world around you.
It vanishes, and you're put on autopilot.
Maybe acting like a machine is the real me.
Maybe after this time I won't ever return to how I used to be.

Words are twisted,
screamed, and mutilated.
Fists are flying,
bloodied, and disastrous.
Children are listening,
watching, and learning.

I have to step away,
Why help your children's brains decay?
Why let them listen to your arguing?
Why let their personalities begin melting?

Why would you help them conform to society?
Why help strip away their confidence?
Why help them learn to follow in your putrid ways?

I feel lost,
forgotten,
undiscovered,
disregarded,
neglected, and
past recollection.
I am stuck in
Painful Oblivion.

I feel so guilty,
loving someone new
for all I had ever loved
was you
You who trapped me,
Isolated me,
infected me,
and dissected me.
Piece by piece,
I was turned to nothing.
Yet this someone new,
with just a smile
has freed me,
and turned me into something

Memories long since past are spilling out as if a flood was beginning.
I see each one, every single one.
I  had forgotten your old habits, tricks, and tips.
I had wanted to forget those beautiful, deadly things.
It only draws me in, like a warm blanket and a hot cup of chocolate.
It draws me in and makes me think.
Think about what old habits, tricks, and tips people associate with me.
I slowly fell asleep, for once thinking about myself.
Yet the next morning my thoughts were back to you,
a never endless routine.

"smile darling" my mother states.

"Yes mum," I must comply.

"stand still sweetheart," my mother crowes.

"Yes mum," I must obey.

This was the worst family photo ever.

Talking?
You think that could help?
Talking about
the deep
grey bad things.
I tried.
It didn't work.
I still let
the blood
run down
my arms.

I would love
to fill my
lungs with water.

I want to hang
from the ceiling
so that maybe
I can learn
how to see
life from a
different
perspective
instead of
this dark
gray, agonizingly
painful one.

Sometimes I wonder
If a knife to the
stomach would
make everything
disappear into
a painless
oblivion.

I want
to create
a painting
of blood
showing every
last stab
of pain
I received
from you

Unconditional love can take hard work,
but don’t forget it can become a gain.
As you dodge each other's weak spots, you smirk.
Just remember a mean cheat can cause pain.
It becomes an agonizing workout,
that takes the most time out of your routine.
When you realize just how much time, you shout.
The load of severe time loss is obscene.
Try to escape, but you won’t get away.
You're trapped in a love that tears you apart.
Every marriage turns to a harmful play,
that waits until you're trapped to break your heart.
After escaping you will return soon,
you will be there dancing in the full moon.

Your words
wreck,
destroy,
maim,
abuse,
wound,
and mortify me,
yet they are
the only
thing that
could possibly
save me.

Why is it
when I
start talking
to you
I can't
be open
without you
becoming
angry
jealous
manipulative
impulsive
rude
scarring
hate­ful and
argumentative.
It hurts
because
I just
need someone
to talk to
every now
and then.
I need
to open
the bottle
that my
deepest
most painful
thoughts are
enclosed in.

I need
to lay
curled
around
each
other
during
every
hour of
the night.

Lovely colors
are dripping
from the
vivid black
canvas.

Is it possible
to have a day
or week
or month
or year
or decade
where nothing goes wrong
where nothing hurts
and where nothing scars?

Sitting in a
deep
dark
hole
questioning
whether or not
its possible
to utterly love
again after
failing the
first time.

Cry.
Let the world know
that your in desolation.
Let them know
that they hurt you.
Let them know
how you really feel.

Scream.
Let the world know
that your done being walked over.
Let them know
you never wanted their opinion.
Let them know
you will NOT capitulate to them.

I am lost in an irate,
extensive sea.
yet I cannot swim.
I try to copy the motions of others,
but I do not have the technique.
I slowly begin to descend
into the raging water.

I cannot help but to question
why people
learn to swim
against a current
when they could
lean back and be free.

I am submerged
in an ocean
of my own making.

Everyday I do nothing,
but try to keep my mind
from the dreadful thoughts
that make my wrists ache
for a blade to slice them
into a ****** art piece.
Yet even though
the art is lovely, I hide it.
I let the world live
in blissful ignorance
not knowing, not suffering
the way no one knows I do.