Every Time I think I found it
Think I've got it right
It slips through my fingers
And I'm alone again
I just wish I could get it right
Finally fit in somewhere
Finally find the place where I belong

Your eyes are closing
And I fear it may be the last time I ever see their brilliant blue
The cold surrounds us
And I wish I could rush you off to somewhere warmer than here
Somewhere where you could be safe

I'm trying to hold on
But your are so weak
And I don't know if I can save you
But I will try
Your body becomes more and more frail
And I'm afraid I might loose you to the darkness
It surrounds us above and below
Only the moon to illuminate the darkness of the sky
And to shed light on the inky waves

Your lips are still
And I miss your voice
Your laugh, and your smile
There is no human sound in the void
Just the whispers of demons in the wind
And the soft chirp of crickets from the shore
I'd like to believe it's the lull of the crickets that sends you to sleep
Rather than the hand of a woman beyond this world

She rises from the deep
And her voice is as soft as a lamb
Her eyes fall upon you laying there and her demeanor softens
Plucking your and up its incredible
I stare at her midnight skin against yours
I'd have guessed you were a porcelain doll had I not have known otherwise
Suddenly she turns to me sadness in her eyes
She reaches out and I simply stare back

She gives a soft smile and finally I take her hand
Under her will my hand reaches yours
You feel so cold but you're heart beats on
Its faint but present and I'm relieved
She looks to me again and I know it wont last
I pull you against my chest and hold you close

With my eyes closed I can smell your familiar smell
I can feel her hand on my shoulder
I lay you back down and step to the back of the vessel
She scoops you up and leans in
I watch as she kisses your forehead
An just like that your body goes limp

Its slow the way the tears feel running down my face
She steps over the side of the boat and back into the dark water
You look so peaceful as the water crashes over you
Lifeless sinking deeper and deeper into the depths cradled in her arms

I know she will watch over you in death as I did in life
She will lay you to sleep down in the deep
With the rest of her children
I hope you find comfort in the darkness

Sometimes I like to think I'm a lady
Them I remember I'm wearing ***** shorts and a satanic tee

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm smart
Then I panic and fail another test

Sometimes I like to believe I'm all better
Then I have another panic attack

There is always room for improvement and acceptance

I can see your smile
It's nothing new
Its a smile I've seen a million times before
And I know I will see it a million times again
It's a smile that haunts my dreams
And frequents nightmares
It makes my skin crawl
And my heart race
It's sweet like a summers kiss
And sour as a dead rose
Its warm like fire
Yet cold as grooms feet
And i'd like to think one day I'll wipe that grin off your face
But for now it haunts me

Why can't women have ***
Why are you praised for the same act that demonizes me
Why can't I be proud of my body
Why must it be hidden away
Why can't I experiment
Why can't I even experience
Why does *** mean I'm so ******
Why does *** have to destroy me

*** is an act for he modern man
He stands tall while we bow down
He receives all the praise
All for an act that he only gives halfway
Because it's all
"On your knees"
"**** my ****"
"Don't be a tease"

*** is a privilege for those with a Y chromosome
So that they can stare while we cover up
So they can **** while we remain chaste
So they can stand over our broken bodies
Whilst we crumble from within

And I'm so tried
Tried of the ***** looks
Tired of the names
Tired of being a salve to this society
Tired of the image of man dictation how I feel
Tired of everything that's wrong with ***  

We deserve to **** just as much as you
And **** we will
Because we don't need you permission to love our bodies
And someday we will learn that
And on that day you will have to learn to share
Share your precious *** with the new modern woman

I can feel it spill into me
It's not a new feeling
It's more like coming home
As darkness spills into my days
And sadness fills the nights
The pain of all those years
And it never leaves
Although scars will heal
Dreams will fade
And memories take a backseat in life
They never leave
So I remain broken and helpless to the ways of the world
A shell of the person I once was