It's 4:30am
And here I am
Wide awake
Eyes bloodshot
My thoughts a mess
My heart more so
Consumed by loneliness
I'm feeling helpless

The problem is
I don't know why
This sadness eats me away
All I know is that
I'm upset over life
I don't know why
My heart is aching
My brain exploding

Am I anxious?
Am I depressed?
If so, why?
The world is filled
With everything real
With the beautiful
And the contrary
Why waste my time on abstract sadness?

But here I am
In a state of despair
Feeling like all hope
Is gone from my life
I need help
I need friends
I need motivation
I need to get out of here

But they're not here
They're nowhere to be seen
My thoughts twisting
By each second passing
My pulse slowing down
My limbs feeling numb
What should I do
To get out of this pit?

I'm dying inside
The void in my heart
Has consumed me completely
My sanity slipping away
From the twists in my brain
Tell me what should I do
And how should I move
From here

Help..

People come and go
That's how Life is
Everyday is a chance to meet
Or maybe not

Even so, people come
Some like the stars in the night
Twinkling and flickering
Under the blackness of the void
Shining a bit of light
That once you see
You may forget
They number a lot
Just passing through
Like cars in a highway
Suddenly gone so fast
And then you just forget

But some come
And suddenly decide to stay
Shining slowly like dawn
Then brightly like midday
Completely lighting up
The dark and dreadful nightlife
Someone that acts
As a beam of light
That takes your breath away
And you can't be without
Staying in your mind
And in your heart
Affecting your whole life
For the rest of time

But even suns can burn out
They may be hot to touch
Some may even hurt you
Or even destroy you completely
And reduce you to nothingness
Once they go supernova
So sometimes it may sound
Even better if
They stayed far away
And had never met you at all
Because after all
Suns are just stars
You're just in their zone
Either their zone of life
Or zone of destruction

Hope you made the right choice..

It took me just one moment
One exposure of vulnerability
To make me realize that all this time
All these years and months
These days and hours
These minutes and seconds
Of being by your side
Will lead my life to
Falling in love with you

I may have felt it before
Wondering your taste
Your thoughts
And how well they synchronized
With my own tastes
That would've been so perfect
I may have been madly in love
With you from the start
I just didn't know what to call it

You've been with me all this time
But your heart, it still eludes me
How could you be so distant
Being inches apart from me?
Who is he that makes you cry?
Who visits your nightmares every night?
Whose name clings to your very lips?
Who sets aside what I've been yearning for?
Who is he? Who blinds you from seeing me?

Why him? Who toys with your emotions?
When it can be me, who truly understands you?
Why him? When he doesn't give a **** about you?
Whereas my world revolves around you?
Why can't he see what he's wasting?
While here I am waste my time praying?
Praying to be yours no matter what it takes
Even if when you're with him every inch of me aches
Is someone even listening to my every plea?

I have watched you all of my life
I've watched you grow gracefully in spring
Growing stronger and fiercer
I've endured your ferocious glow in the summer
And when reason hits you hard
I've seen you wane sheepishly in the fall
And when you broke your fragile heart
I've seen you wither helplessly in the winter

But even so, I secretly desired your crying heart
No matter how broken and scattered it became
All I want for you is a slice of true happiness
All I want is for you to wear an endless smile
Feeling joy in your beautifully-crafted life
Even if not in the comfort of my wanting arms
Even if your gaze fixes on another man
And I could only remain as a trusted friend

So please, dear Lord, if not for my wretched self
Please protect her loving smile and pure heart
That she may find the happiness that she deserves
In exchange for the happiness she shared to the undeserving me

If only she could turn to me..

When our eyes met
Time slowed down
Heart beating fast
Lips glued together
A rush of emotions
Sweeping me away
My mind totally blank
Everything felt surreal

Everything felt so right
The moment is just perfect
And the future flashed
Before my clairvoyant eyes
With you lying in my arms
Clutched in my embrace
Lips pressed on mine
Madly and deeply in love

All it takes
To make it all real
Is to muster all my courage
And gather all my strength
Just to utter a single
"Hi"

Here I go..

Lying on this bed
With you sleeping in my arms
On a quiet dawn

People often ask
If dreams do come true
If fantasies become reality
If love comes to the loveless
I can’t help but feel
That the dreams that I dream
And the fantasies that I have
Stands before me right now

I tried to stop it
These budding emotions
I tried to deny it
The truth being unveiled
I tried to fight it
The gravity pulling me towards you
But I can’t help it
Falling in love, deeply with you

The world told me it’s wrong
The world told me to move along
The world told me you’re not worthy
And that the wait will **** me
But there I prayed
And waited for the day
When you can stay by my side
In all my days and all my nights

It’s you who keeps me falling
Pulling me closer to your core
Your gravity inescapable for me
As I live under your various colors
It’s you whom I choose
The one destined by fate
To be the love that makes me feel alive
To make me see the beauty of life

You make the wrong feel right
You make the worst feel alright
No matter where I may go
Your love follows me
Even through all that melancholy
That Life brought to me
You made all the sadness that I felt
A worthy sacrifice for what came next

It’s you who brings me light
Even in the darkest of nights
It’s your smile that gives me strength
To overcome the barriers of life
How blessed am I to be yours
To be within your warm embrace
How thrilled am I to fall deeper in love
With each smile and frown you display

I long to stay in your embrace
Because in you I find my comfort
I long to be yours for all my life
To be the sweetest reality of your life
As you are to mine
And in all the twists and turns
That life brings to us
I’ll never let go and I’ll always say

I love you
With all my heart
No matter what surprise Life brings
You’re the only right thing
In my wretched life
And if I have to choose
All over again
It will always be you

Until when will I wait?
Until when will I suffer?
Until when will I long?
Until when will I seek?

Until when should I lock myself up?
Until when will I long for the warmth?
Until when should I feel dead inside?
Until when should I walk alone in this life?

Until when should my heart be hard as stone?
Until when do I have to wait for someone to chisel it?
Until when will the winter of my life last?
Until when do I stay just to see you at last?

Until when do I have to suffer lonely nights?
Until when will I wake up in a cold, empty bed?
Until when will I feel anxious about a single's lifetime?
Until when will I fear connecting to someone else's life?

Until when do we have to wait?
Until when do we have to suffer?
Until when 'til I see your face?
Until when 'til I hold your hands?

Until when do I just see you in my dreams?
Until when 'til I see you in my reality?
Until when 'til we finally meet?
Until when 'til we passionately love?

Until when will I be alone?
Until when will I be isolated?
Until when will my emotions be suppressed?
Until when 'til I finally bask in your embrace?

I am stuck here..

Waiting for you..

Are you stuck somewhere else too?

If so, then tell me how to find you..

And if Fate blesses this search..

If the gods open the path which leads to you..

I'll never ever let go of you..

So tell me..

Until when 'til I find you?