She laughs too hard 
She laughs too much 
But she's waiting for death 
And lives to die another day 

She believed in faeries 
And rainbows
Glitter made everything glow 
And laughing made everything seem okay

She forgets too less
And pretends too hard 
So she runs as fast as she can 
From the past 

Until her lungs burn 
Then places her hands on her chest
To feel her heart thump
Like the fear of giving up

I wish I could hold your hand without my palms sweating or my fingers shaking
I wish I could look you in the eye without having my insides ache with the feeling of man eating butterflies
I wish I could think about you without my head spinning
I wish I could read your sweet messages without crying because my anxiety does not deserve love, and sometimes anxiety is all I am.

You my darling are gorgeous, and not just in the way you smile, even the darkest parts of your mind shimmer as if the scars on your heart demand a graceful reputation.

I don't miss her I just miss the idea of her, I miss being able to call her mine. Being proud of her, showing off how beautiful my girl was...I was like a boy showing off his new convertible to his jealous friends. She was mine and I was hers, but now we both belong to a different fate other than being together

Today my best friend, the same girl that laughed until she cried at my corny jokes just one year ago, mesaged me and said its getting bad fast and that all she wants to do is die..I cried reading her message because i knew that the girl i once knew was already gone

When it gets too much to bare, look fear in  the eye and step closer showing it you are its enemy....you are strength

Typing "I'm fine" onto the keys of the message board while the glory of the stained red silver still shakes in my other hand.
Reaching out for something to absorb the hurt, now dripping from my hip
sometimes it makes a fermiliar exit through the same wound it may have entered in before...