ever since our weary start,
you were nothing to me but a replacement.
your words once kind and fluent,
soon turned as sour and cold as the heart that fills
the cavity in your chest.
you drank liquor like you've been in the desert for nine years
and it's the only thing that will resolve your thirst.
so methodical and precise with your consumption
you didn't even bat an eye when i cleaned the mess
because you couldn't begin to function.
love and attachment
so similar but
so was the way i felt about you
compared to the way i felt about dying.
you were my easy out-
but you were without a doubt the reason
for the cloud of gray that blocked the ray of sunshine
that shown from within my heart.
i would never blame you for it
while reveling in your embrace
but one day i finally opened my eyes
to really see the person who was staring me in the face.
you used me like a rag in the kitchen,
tossing me away when you got what you wanted
i know you loved me somewhere inside
but your insides were cursed where the alcohol haunted.
an insatiable need to get away from yourself
only drove our love away in the end
so go ahead and fill up your cup
i hope it was worth it
for what you gave up.

Don’t let him use love as an excuse.
If he can’t love you without your knees on the ground and his hands on your neck,
then he doesn’t get to love you at all.

I've seen pictures of your old girlfriend
on the laptop you let me borrow, I was
snooping, looking for something to accuse
you of. You told me they had all been deleted
(I hadn't asked) you told me everything
was gone.

I've read messages, happy, hinted, flirtatious
coy poetry played between two parts which
haven't been officially scripted.

"It's weird between us now, isn't it?"
berated friendship, bartered love offered
in the gaps which remain unspoken
yet.

He does not speak of her
anymore. I have not asked.

Was it, unsolicited? Or does she tickle
your decadent fancy; you do the honourable
thing now and flirt with her
behind her fiances back.

Each trial has been blond and I fail
at not hating every single golden glinted thief
who stole something before it was even mine
to take.

You rise and I darken; I smile sticking needles
in your misadvised tongue. Still, these words burn
sweeter than those in my head.

Something whispers about that girl
who just walked past. Inside my crypt
things do not look good for me.

At times I wonder,
what's between us two?
And at times I know there's nothing at all.

At times I think,
there's something to confess.
And at times I know, even if I did it'll never lessen the stress.

At times I believe,
I can't find a way out of this circle of questions and doubts,
but I also believe that as much as I hide, you have something hidden too.

And there will come a day where we'll speak our minds and hearts out,
with no fear of regret.

Hips, curves and all,
Spilling and slipping with
Tip-top, filled up
Love,
Baby