it may have been so crass of me
but i decided that no one who is not you
wasn't worth my time
i have no time for others to spend
you are my only one until the end

"oh, just shoot me in the head,"
her voice was laced with weariness and defeat,
"it would feel like the same thing, the way you're treating me."

and it's just
i don't mean to push everyone away
i just never seem to have the right words to say
(i really, really don't want anyone to leave,
you all mean so, so, ******* much to me -)
because i wish everyone would stay
as much as i want them to
but it never seems to work out that way
and i'm not entirely sure why
things become as they are
and why nothing seems to ever grow
but i'm so scared
so ******* scared
of being alone
so please, i beg, stay
stay and stay and stay
sometimes i am this way
and i don't mean to push you all away
so someone, even just one, please
stay

tossed you out of my mind tonight
you no longer exist
within any parameter or neuron
and i am trying to be okay with that

every time i see you,
i see you
the gears cranking in your head
                 boxes, boxes of information
                                   gathering dust.

on the outside, i see you
bronze and a sky of dawn

but the words out of my mouth are
                                       nothing
they're nothing to you
and when i do speak
my words are choked up,
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