Your sapphire eyes that glow with a ring of fiery hazel
The way your smile lights up the entirety of your face
How your soft lips feel pressed firmly against mine
The peace in your limbs as your drift into sleep
How genuinely good of a person you are
Every line in your hands that I try to memorize with mine
Your beautiful heart and its skipped beats
The passion behind your decisions in life
Your relentlessness even in the face of fear
The undeniable strength you wield that blows my mind daily
Your perseverance despite the hard life you’ve faced
How much of a capacity you possess to love others, good and bad
The sounds of your voice whispering that you love me for the first time
Your vulnerability in sharing your most intimate secrets with me
You

I wish my words could echo
Reverberating across your body
Leaving goosebumps in their wake
And leaving you trembling
Begging for more

But they don't
And likely won't
These words simply fall short
Clattering to the floor
Like broken promises

My heart screams and aches
As my only mode of comfort falters
Electricity shocks through my body
As I hear your words in the dark
Echoing so beautifully off of each cell in my trembling body
You give me chills
And I'm genuinely happy for you

When I think about you and him
My stomach turns to lead
Coated in poison
Tearing apart my insides
As it falls downward
Fast.

I forgot how jealous I can get
After years of not feeling much of anything
And I hate how it feels because I know it’s not ok;
Your past is a part of you
And I think you’re perfect the way you are.

But when I think of how he hurt you
When you loved him unconditionally

How he hit you
When you were nothing but kind;

How he left you
Alone and broken

Twice

I am no longer jealous
I’m ******.

My body sinks smoothly
Into the curves of your mattress
As I wait for you to crawl in beside me
Among the clouds we shift repeatedly
Apparently soft beds don’t promote cuddling

Netflix plays in the background
Some standup comedy for background noise
But we are not here to chill

The lining of your bra creeps from beneath your crop top
Black lace against your pale skin
And my fingertips can’t help but graze the intricate designs
And trace the edges along your soft skin

While I always think you’re ****
I am not trying to ****** you
I simply cannot get over
How someone can be so perfect
And how so many ****** humans
Could look at you
and touch you
Hear you
and connect with you
Yet somehow couldn’t love you.

But I’m also glad they didn’t
Because I could do this forever.

Although this seems so new
I’ve known you for years
And while you’ve grown up a lot
Since our days of kissing on concrete
Your soul emits the same beautiful waves
That I fell in love with 5 years ago.

So as we walk around the pet store today
My heart is screaming
I love you
And the anxiety squeezes my organs into nothingness
Pouring acid through my insides
And burning until I build up the courage
To translate my internal dialogue
Into something real
Because it’s not real if I don’t say it

*I’m ready to say it

I know you don’t trust me

And I wouldn’t normally either

But for once I am certain in my own emotions

Because I can count the number of poems

I’ve written for anyone else

On a single hand

And yours could fill a novel

I don’t wear sweaters much
Especially in the summer
But after a few hours of your embrace
My clothes smell like your detergent.
So I’ll peel off my binder
Strip down to my boxers
And replace that sweater
So I can sleep better.

We were sitting in a restaurant
Table set for two
One of those single couple booths
Perfect for me and you

We spoke of money and
I refused to let you pay for me
Maybe I have too much pride
But I’m not who your ex used to be

The overhead lights reflected perfectly and
I was sure that you were not a mistake
Your ocean eyes vibrated my soul
And then I spilled my milkshake

Blood rushed to my face
And I looked away in shame
But then I heard you laughing
And something in my heart changed

Somehow you weren’t embarrassed
Or uncomfortable with my lack of grace
But instead that heart-shattering smile
Was plastered across your gorgeous face

And then you surprised me yet again
As you opened up your soul out of the blue
And though you spoke nonchalantly
I knew those thoughts were haunting you

I painted versions of your stories
Across the walls of my mind as you spoke
Memorizing the imagery and your feelings
About your insufficient social support

And while I know I can’t be everything for you
I can try to be better than the last
So you have somewhere safe to run
When you need to escape your broken past

Because although the table spanned miles between us
And we were connected only by our fingertips
I could feel our souls grazing one another
As they tangled together in electric riffs

At that very moment
Staring into your eyes, gold and blue
I felt the first real chance
That I might truly love you

I can't give you what you need
When I'm 40 miles away
But I can give you my love
If you're willing to wait

One day, some day
We can lie stress-free together
Without worrying about departure
And we can stay that way forever

I'm scared of all these feelings
Overwhelming and without control
I absolutely adore you
And I know it may be more

You're so perfect to me
From your smile to your laugh
The way your brain drives you insane
Still makes my heart lose its grasp

You're so hard to read
And that makes my heart freeze
But I guess I have to trust you
And that's just fine by me

My drug of choice
The forbidden fruit I dare to taste
You are the answer
To the questions my heart speaks
My heart races uncontrollably
At the mere thought of seeing you again
Our hands touch and
You set off an explosion in my soul
Our energies connect and intertwine
Like the branches of two trees
Hugging and trailing along one another
And eventually growing together as one